'AITA for being upset my husband humiliated me at our anniversary dinner in front of both families?'
"AITA for being upset my husband humiliated me at our anniversary dinner in front of both families?"
My husband sent proof of my affair to my entire family during our anniversary dinner and I lost everything in one night. I thought I was untouchable. That's the honest truth.
For months I'd been sleeping with my coworker and I genuinely believed I deserved better than my husband. He was stable, sure, but boring. Predictable. My coworker made me feel alive again.
I had the divorce papers ready. I was going to tell my husband after our tenth anniversary that I was leaving. I'd already picked out which furniture I wanted. I'd calculated how much alimony I could get. I even told my sister I was finally going to be free. But he knew. The whole time, he knew.
Our anniversary dinner was at this nice restaurant. Both our families were there.
My parents, his parents, my sister, his brother. Everyone. I remember thinking how perfect it was, how I'd have one last nice memory before I blew up our marriage.
Halfway through dinner, my husband stood up. He had his phone in his hand.
He said, "I want to make a toast."
Everyone raised their glasses. I smiled. I actually smiled.
Then he said, "To my wife, who's been having an affair with her coworker for the past six months."
The table went silent. My mom dropped her fork. It clattered on her plate so loud.
I said, "What are you talking about?"
He didn't even look at me. He just started reading text messages. Out loud. Messages between me and my coworker. Explicit ones. He read the one where I called my husband boring. The one where I said I couldn't wait to leave him. The one where I mocked him for not noticing.
My dad stood up. He looked at me like I was a stranger.
My sister said, "Is this real?"
I couldn't speak. My throat closed up. My coworker and I had been so careful. Or so I thought. My husband kept going. He pulled up bank statements showing I'd used our joint account to buy gifts for my coworker.
Hotel reservations. Everything was there. Time stamped. Dated. His mom started crying. Mine just sat there, stone faced. I tried to say something. Anything. But my husband cut me off.
He said, "I filed for divorce yesterday. Your lawyer should have the papers by Monday. I've already moved your things to your sister's place. Don't come back to the house."
Then he walked out. Everyone followed him. Even my own family.
My sister looked at me before she left and said, "You did this to yourself."
The restaurant staff was staring. Other diners were whispering. I just sat there alone at that table with half eaten food and empty chairs.
That was three weeks ago. My husband got a restraining order because I kept showing up at the house begging him to talk. My coworker broke things off the day after the dinner. Said he didn't want the drama. My parents told me not to contact them until I "figured out what kind of person I want to be."
I lost my job too. Word got around the office about what happened. My boss said it created a hostile work environment. I'm pretty sure my coworker threw me under the bus to save his own position.
I'm staying with a friend now. Not even my sister would take me in. I have no money because my husband froze our joint accounts and my lawyer says I have no case for alimony because of the affair and the proof of me using marital funds on my coworker.
The divorce is almost final. He's getting the house, the car, everything. His lawyer destroyed me in mediation. They had evidence of everything. Every lie I told. Every time I said I was working late when I was really at a hotel. Every penny I spent.
I keep replaying that dinner in my head. The look on everyone's faces. The silence. How my own mother couldn't even look at me. I thought I was the one in control. I thought I'd be the one walking away with my head high.
I thought he'd be the one begging me to stay. But he planned it perfectly. He waited until he had everything he needed. He made sure everyone who mattered saw exactly who I really was.
My friend asked me yesterday if I regret the affair. Honestly, I don't even know anymore. I regret getting caught. I regret underestimating him. I regret losing my family and my home and my entire life.
But the worst part is knowing he was right. In front of everyone, he proved I was the problem. Not him. Me. So here's what I can't figure out: Was what he did justified or did he go too far by humiliating me in front of our families?