Woman hospitalized after husband ignores desperate pleas for help and lies about coming home. AITA? CONCLUDED
"My husband lied about coming to help me while I was critically sick."
I (28F) have been married to my husband (32M) for three years. We have a one-year-old daughter together. Up until recently, I thought I could count on him when I truly needed him. But last week, he proved me completely wrong.
I had been feeling off for a couple of days—fatigued, nauseous, just generally unwell. Then one morning, I woke up with a fever, chills, and a deep sense that something was really wrong.
I was so weak I could barely get out of bed. Taking care of our daughter felt impossible. I called my husband at work and told him I needed him to come home. He promised he would.
An hour passed. Then two. He kept texting me, saying he was "just finishing up something" and would leave soon. Then he claimed he was stuck in traffic. Then he said he was on his way but had to stop for gas.
At this point, my fever was getting worse, and I was struggling to even sit up without feeling dizzy. I told him it was urgent. He reassured me he was "almost there." But something felt off. So I texted one of his coworkers, someone I knew he was close with. The response I got sent a chill down my spine: "He hasn't left yet. He's still here."
I was furious. And terrified. I immediately called my neighbor, a kind older woman. She came over right away, helped me get dressed, and drove me to the hospital. Turns out, I had a severe asymptomatic urinary tract infection that had turned into a serious kidney infection.
My heart rate was dangerously high, and the doctors told me that if I had waited much longer, I could have gone into septic shock. 2 hours later, While I was lying in that hospital bed, shaking from fever and hooked up to an IV, my husband finally decided to show up. I didn't even want to look at him.
He tried to explain, saying he "didn’t realize it was that bad" and that he was "just trying to wrap things up at work." But I can't get over the fact that he lied to me, over and over, while I was at home struggling to stay conscious. If my neighbor hadn’t been there, I don’t know what would have happened to me.
I feel so betrayed. If he could ignore me in a life-threatening situation, what does that say about our marriage? About our future? About our daughter’s safety if something ever happens again? I don't know what to do. Would you be able to trust your partner after something like this?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:
Yeah no. I couldn’t do this either. If you had waited for him and gone into septic shock and probably ultimately died what would he have done then? That could have 100% been prevented if he just came home when you asked. He gives more loyalty to a job that’ll just replace him when it’s his time over his wife who he CHOSE to love in SICKNESS and health.
We’re expecting to have our first child in about a month and a half. I (the dad) notified work of the due date and I expected that I’d be scheduled on overlapping shifts so if something happens they won’t have to scramble to find coverage.
March schedule just came out and on the last week I’m exclusively scheduled at offsites (on my own) so I can’t just drop everything and leave. Really? Yeah, right. Guess who has two feet and can leave? I’m not missing the birth of my first child for anything and I’m not gonna be anywhere except wherever boss mama wants me to be.
I went through something very similar with a now ex, I tried to get past it but I just knew in my heart after that that he wasn’t reliable and wouldn’t prioritize me even in the most dire of circumstances, and that’s a hard thing to move past, even without children.
Three days later, the OP returned with an update.
I’m feeling better and finally back home after a few days in the hospital. My parents came to pick up my daughter and took care of her while I was away. They live 4 hours away, so I hadn’t asked for their help earlier.
I didn’t really get an apology from him. Just a bunch of excuses. He said he didn’t think it was that serious, and I should’ve just gone to the neighbor if it was really that bad. I didn’t argue, not because I agree, but because some of the comments I got made me realize some things.
People asked if I’m the type to cry wolf, and that’s why he didn’t come. In five years of being together, I’ve only ever needed him to take me to the hospital once: when I gave birth to our daughter.
He wasn’t there when I was sick, and if he had come home, he probably wouldn’t have done much anyway if it didn’t need a hospital. But then someone asked me what I’d do if it was our daughter in my position, and he acted the same way. That hit me hard. And as dramatic as it sounds, I don’t want to be with him anymore. I don’t think I can ever trust him again.
I’ve made an appointment with a lawyer, but of course, divorce takes time. I’m looking for an apartment, but the housing shortage is a nightmare. Since I live in a rural area, though, there’s still hope.
I haven’t told him yet. He’s acting like nothing’s wrong, so I’m doing the same. I even saw comments suggesting that he might not have actually been at work, maybe using it as an excuse for something else.
So, one night while he was sleeping, I checked his phone. I didn’t find proof he wasn’t at work, but I did find messages to women, multiple flirty ones. And a Tinder app. These messages have been going on for months.
He was also sending TikToks to his friends while I was sick, laughing and joking around with no real concern for me. He told me his boss refused to give him time off, I found no evidence that he even asked for time off or discussed my condition with anyone. I’m starting to suspect he lied because if he really did ask, it would’ve been illegal for his boss to deny him leave where I live.
At this point, I don’t feel like confronting him. I just want out. I ignored the red flags before; the small lies, broken promises and I shouldn't have. I thought he’d be there for me when it mattered most, but I guess I was naive. I never thought anyone could let me down like this. I’m not telling him I’m leaving until I’m ready. Just like he didn’t tell me he wasn’t coming.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:
I’m not really surprised you found what you found. I’m so glad you’re ok, and I applaud you for realizing you and your daughter deserve better. You’re absolutely correct to not mention anything until the plan is fully in place, as you walk out the door. Good luck, everything will be better.
She literally is only alive because she stopped trusting his word. Let that settle in…..
Take screenshots of the app and flirty texts. This is evidence your divorce lawyer can use later.
If you had waited for him and gone into septic shock and probably ultimately died what would he have done then? My bet? He would have felt very sorry for himself. And then he would have told the story (leaving some key parts out) to get pity tail.
I’m happy you’re okay and wish nothing but the best for you. It sucks but I’m glad you see your snake of a husband for what he is. It will get better. Just remember one day at a time.