'AITA for telling my husband he needs to back off of my son?'
"AITA for telling my husband he needs to back off of my son?"
My husband and I have been together since my oldest (13) was 2. I was told years ago I would never be able to conceive another child, due to only having one fallopian tube (one had to be removed) and having significant scaring.
However, we did end up pregnant last year by some miracle and I just gave birth to our daughter 3 weeks ago. Everyone was over the moon, including my son. He had wanted a sibling and had been asking since he was easily 3 or 4. But my husband is weird now. Or at least in my eyes. And I guess that is what I'm here to talk about..
So.. if my son kisses the baby on the FOREHEAD my husband starts freaking out ("don't you ever kiss that baby again, that's disgusting, you could give her a virus" etc etc). If my son moves even a centimeter while holding the baby, my husband is freaking out ("don't move like that! You're going to hurt her head.")
If my son blows raspberries on the babies belly, my husband tells him to stop, saying he's being too rough. He has become an a(*^ole helicopter parent, filled with paranoia and anxiety (but refuses to be seen by a doctor) and it's just.
I'm starting to rage. To a point where I have an appointment to get tested for postpartum rage but I truly don't think I have it. I think my husband is triggering me.
But here's the massive issue... My MIL came here yesterday and full on kissed our daughter right beside her mouth and my husband didn't say s___. Just sat there smiling. So, I stepped in and said exactly what he said to my son. I said "don't you ever kiss that baby again. That's disgusting. You are going to give her a virus."
She immediately stopped. But then she started swinging our daughter in a football hold with her head pointed down toward the floor. She was going pretty fast, to a point of a startle reflux. So I immediately told her to stop holding the baby like that and that she's being too rough.
She says "I've had 4 kids, I am not dumb", so I said "I don't care". She stops, hands off the baby and then left maybe 5 minutes later. My husband asks why I'm being such an a@#*ole to his mom, so I said "why are you being such an a*&%ole to my son?"
He asked what I meant and asked for examples so I gave him the side by side comparison examples to his mother vs my son. He shakes his head and said I'm "making s___ up."
I know for a fact I'm not making anything up at all (I've spoken to him before about getting for my son's case) and said plainly to back off my son or I'm going to treat all of his family members the same way he's been treating my son due to his paranoia and it will make it so no one comes around anymore.
He says I'm taking s___ too far. That kids "have germs" and are "more rough and clumsy". I told him I didn't give a f&^%. And YES, I have talked to him about his comments to my son. Right in front of my son and in private. He says I'm blowing things out of proportion.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
You need counselling, and if your husband can’t stop his nonsense, you need to get away from there.
Sadly many some people “forget” about their stepchildren and replace them with their bio children even after 10+ years of parenting. And especially when the kids in question are boys/ teenage boys. The stepdads start to go all testosterone and pretend they are the silverback competing with a new contestant for the throne.
They don’t seem to understand that they are just a dad suddenly turning into a bully, seen from the viewpoint of the boy!
Sad_Engineering_1919 OP says:
Thankfully I do start therapy soon. I'm by no means a saint in this equation, at all. I HAVE been raging lately. But it truly was not a thing until my husbands comments turned in to an every time my son held the baby thing.
Like my son legitimately cannot hold the baby at all anymore without my husband making a comment about something. And it's turning me in to a person I am not used to being. I legitimately have so much anger built up in me toward my husband at this point that I did seek out therapy. But unfortunately I don't see it getting any better until my husband cuts the s___.
OP, you’re misunderstanding the comment you responded to. You BOTH (plural ‘you’) need counseling, ideally both individually and as a couple and as a family.
I don't think she needs counseling, her husband does though. OP is handling this pretty well IMO.
Your MIL was swinging a THREE WEEK OLD around like a football and your idiot husband thinks KIDS are rough? Tell him he hasn't seen "out of proportion" yet.
I believe you’re a great mom for standing up for your son. My step dad started being the same way with me when I was younger after he had his biological daughter to the point where I was kicked out of the house.
I know my mom loves me but not enough to choose me over my stepdad so by comparison I think you are a very strong and kind person for standing up for your son. ♥️
For your own peace of mind, when your son holds the baby, especially with your husband, record him. Post partum made me totally doubt myself and my mind at times, and having actual evidwnce will show you, and others, exactly how your son is being treated.