Lonely wife takes vow of silence to protest husband's emotional neglect. AITA? + UPDATE
"My husband has been neglecting me and I feel so lonely."
So I’m 27 and i have been married for 4 years, and I feel left out because I don’t have any friends and my husband is very busy with his work and pretty much neglecting me.
No matter how good I dress and how well I take care of myself, I feel like he doesn’t notice any of that. By the way, I’m a housewife and I don’t have a job. And it’s not about the lack of money or sexual activities.
But I also want some validation and complements and I never get those from him. I literally only spend time with him at lunch, dinner and sleep. I feel like a ghost in my own home and I hate feeling like that. I made this account today in the hopes of finding people and maybe getting some nice words that my husband never says lol.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:
Have you talked with him about this?
Not gonna lie OP this is just sad. Is he preventing you from making friends or are you doing that to yourself? Do you put any effort into making friends? Is he preventing you from getting a job?
If not, get a damn job because getting out of the house and gaining independence would be good for you. If you’re relying on us for compliments just get a divorce or couples' counseling.
Why aren’t you working? What are you bringing to the table besides yourself?
Later the same day, the OP returned with another post.
So I made a post earlier today about how my husband is kinda neglecting me emotionally due to his work. But long story short, my husband doesn’t complement me or say anything nice no matter how much I do to look nice for him. So, I thought I might as well post about something I did.
So, 2 weeks ago I stopped talking to my husband completely (apart from the necessary stuff), and I’m not planning on talking any more until he actually says something other than “what’s for lunch/dinner” or “good night”.
And before you say it should come from me too, believe me, I always said something nice about how he looks. But I’m always met with nothing, not even a hug or a kiss, rarely a “thank you” too.
Some family members say what I’m doing is not right and he’s busy due to his work and I should excuse him for having a busy mind all the time and that it’s part of the married life. But I’m stubborn so I won’t stop it until he does something for me.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's second post:
I mean it’s childish but I’m wondering how you’ve done that for TWO WEEKS without him noticing or caring. I’d say that’s the bigger issue 😶
It's because she's still talking to him for "the necessary stuff." So she's still talking to him regularly and her little tantrum is very subtle. Sounds like the guy is a little consumed with work concerns right now and this is the sort of issue he could work on if OP would actually communicate about it and stop behaving like a child. YTA, OP.
YTA. He can not read your mind. He can not read your mind. He can not read your mind. He can not read your mind! Communicate like an adult!
This.. her other post says she's a 27 year old housewife with no friends but hasn't replied to any of the few comments. Have you spoken to your husband, OP? Does he MAKE you not have friends or is it your choice and you are just that dependant on him that you need him to come home and provide you with the socialization you crave?
If you're unhappy with your social life, do something about it. If you're unhappy that your husband doesn't compliment you or speak your love language, inform him of this. Reddit can't solve your issues, you need to have a conversation with your husband about it and you also need realistic expectations if he's truly working a stressful and busy job.
Yes, you are. That is not how mature adults communicate or behave. Also, it sounds like you have different love languages. Yours is words of affirmation, and his is not. To full blown stop talking to your husband because he's not stroking your ego is the most childish thing I've ever heard. Please grow up and go to therapy.
You have the problem solving skills of a 9 year old. Not saying your feelings and concerns are not justified but this is just childish. ESH. If you’ve been doing it for 2 weeks and nothing has changed then you’re really doing him a favor if anything lol. This won’t work the way you hope it will.
Congratulations on destroying your marriage. Count yourself lucky if he doesn’t hand you divorce papers in the next few days. That’s what I would be doing. I am too old for silly preschool games. Grow up and use your words. Also YTA.
A bit of constructive criticism can go a long way. It's common for people to think that by just simply shutting down makes someone stop being a certain way or corrects a certain behavior. The other common route? Complaining/nagging to no end. I suggest telling your husband in a nice but firm way (careful of tone).
Something such as, "Hey, so there's something that's really been bothering me lately. I've been putting in the effort to look nice for you and trying my best to do my part around here. I'd greatly appreciate it if you start complimenting me more often/expressing gratitude, as it lets me know that you do notice my efforts, and appreciate me as well."