Husband 'embarrasses' stay-at-home wife by rejecting 'man child' lie at dinner; AITA?
Laughing along while your partner slightly exaggerates a story for comedic effect is one thing, but what do you do when you catch your partner attacking your character and skills as a parent?
When a conflicted husband and father decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about an awkward dinner party, people were ready to weigh in.
AITA (Am I the As*hole) for embarrassing my wife in front of our friends by not going along with her lie?
When my wife and I got married, we were both working. Once our first child was born, she wanted to quit (completely her decision). I started working more to compensate and she started taking care of the house and the kid.
I am a pretty clean person and I help whenever I could or if she asked. I am an involved parent. The we had another kid and I started working even more.
At the end of 2019, my wife flew to her home country to visit her parents. Airports were shut down and all the flights were cancelled before she could come back. There was a lot of red tape to unravel here and we couldn't get her back home until May.
Like I said, the only reason I didn't do household works was because I was working too much and I discussed that with my wife and she was also ok with taking care of the household. I have lived alone for several years and until she quit her job I always did my share of everything. I am pretty far from helpless.
At first, I freaked out a little as I couldn't WFH and I had kids (7M and 2F) to take care of. In the end, I figured it out. I was stretched a little thing but it was nothing unmanageable.
My wife came back home in the beginning of May 2020. She was very happy to be home and we were all happy to have her back. There didn't seem to be any problem.
Few weeks ago, we have having dinner at our house with one of our couple friends when my wife told them that I was miserable without her, that the kids were miserable, that the house was a disaster, that she had so much stuff to clean up etc. She basically said that I was helpless without her and that I couldn't take care of anything while she was gone.
I kinda chuckled awkwardly. I told her that the kids and I were definitely miserable sometimes because we missed her but nothing other than that was true. I told her not to lie about me or my ability take care of the kids.
After dinner, she was extremely mad at me and told that I was a jerk and that I should have just played along. She told me that she felt awful that I could manage everything without her and she felt that the can't didn't need her and that she was insignificant.
I obviously tried to tell her that it wasn't the case but she kept yelling at me and made me sleep on the couch. Here is the thing. Just because she isn't employed doesn't mean she can't work/doesn't know how to work. Similarly, just because I don't do things now doesn't mean I can't do it.
I think it's demeaning to have me pretend that I am a man child who has to be babied / doesn't know how to do basic things / cannot take care of my own children just so that she can feel better about herself.
I don't think it's right to portray me as an incompetent person because she feels insecure. However she is still really upset and I am not so sure anymore. AITA? Am I the as*hole for not going along with the lie?
The jury of internet strangers accepted the challenge to deem a verdict on this domestic feud. Here's what people had to say:
Preference_Gloomy said:
NTA (Not the As*hole) if I was in her position I would be non-stop bragging to people about how great you had been as a caring father & understanding husband. You were basically a single dad for a few months - that‘s not an easy task. She should be gloating non-stop about you, not tearing you down.
chaichaibaby said:
I am so insulted and astonished when women think it’s cute or okay for their husbands to be totally unhelpful around the house and clueless about the kids! NTA.
perfectlyaligned said:
NTA. Lying about your competence as a parent/caregiver in front of your friends and humiliating you is not the way to make herself feel needed - that's actually really f*cked up. I don't see how any reasonable person could blame you for refusing to along with the lie. Your wife does not seem very emotionally mature.
paper_airplanes said:
NTA at all. It really says a lot about her that she would say that about you in front of friends. Apparently her feelings are more valid than yours and you should be able to handle her saying demeaning things about you. Good on you for standing up for yourself.
So, there you have it...
Everyone agreed unanimously here that this husband shouldn't beat himself up for refusing to back up his wife's blatant lie. Clearly they need to have a deeper conversation about how their split their household chores and parenting responsibilities, but for now he's cleared of the blame. Good luck, everyone!