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Husband rejects pregnant wife's favorite baby name, 'I have always disliked the name very strongly.' AITA?

Husband rejects pregnant wife's favorite baby name, 'I have always disliked the name very strongly.' AITA?


"AITA for telling my wife I can't get behind using her favorite girl name for our daughter?"

My wife and I are expecting our second child and we've run into a problem on names. We have a son already; Finley and we chose his name easily. It was my wife's third favorite name and I loved it. So it was easy to agree to. But girls names are a little tougher because my wife always wanted an Emily. She has loved that name for years. While I have always disliked the name very strongly.

I'm not sure entirely why. I know a lot of Emily's and I always found the name overhyped. It doesn't sound as pretty and amazing to me as it does to many others. I'd say I hate it but out of kindness to my wife and because of how popular it is I don't say that.

My wife championed the name the very first time we sat and discussed names for our daughter. She was so upset when I said no. She asked me if anything could change my mind and I told her, honestly, I didn't think so.

She asked if I liked Amelia/Emilia more and I said no. But I told her I do like Amélie. It's really the only version of these names that I do like. But the pronunciation I and many people around me use (including some French people) sounds so different to Emily/Amelia.

My wife doesn't like the spelling and pronunciation issues that would come with Amélie and I understand that. But she's really having a hard time moving on from Emily and she asked me to explain to her what I dislike about the name.

So I talked without sounding too harsh about the name and she grew frustrated and told me it's popular for a reason. When we discussed it another time, just a few days ago, she told me I was being stubborn and unfair because I told her I just can't get behind the name Emily for our daughter. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Reasonable_Bit_5230 said:

NTA you don’t like the name. Instead of moving on, she’s becoming fixated and it’s weird. There are literally hundreds of thousands of other names out there.

Important_Camera9345 said:

NTA. Names are a 2 yes 1 no deal. Both people have to agree, if they do not the name is off the table.

Mysterious_Book8747 said:

When we were choosing names for our kids I would make a list of fifteen-twenty possibles that I liked. Hubby would cross out anything he hated, star the ones he loved and we would go from there. Alternate version is you EACH make a list of fifteen-twenty and trade lists. Do the cross out/star thing. Then go from there when you look at both lists.

A good family friend, Carl, passed away when I was pregnant with #4 and we made that my son’s middle name because I didn’t like it as a first name. Perhaps Emily could be a middle name. Either way you’re NTA. People have personal experiences that color their perceptions of certain names and that’s OK. That’s life!

kittygattochat said:

NTA, but I’d ask her what it is she likes about the name. Maybe you can still find something similar. Maybe something like Emmaline (with perhaps a hard i sound in the last half to take it further from Emily for you?) or Melina which has some components and sound similarities, but isn’t as close as Amelie. But does she like the nicknames that come easy to this name? Like Emmy or Millie?

Or just the general sound of it? There must be a reason. But if a compromise with similarity isn’t in the cards then just say it’s time to move on to something completely different because you just don’t both agree on this.

Or, alternatively, would you be ok with the name if you both agreed to use a nickname deviation like Emmy as the common usage of her name? Because that’s also a potential compromise.

Itimfloat said:

NTA but you may need to go deeper here. She seems to have found a hill to die on, this name, so why does she feel so strongly? Maybe she feels some resentment because she didn’t get her first name choice for your son and compromised to agree to her third, but she wants you to compromise on this name and “I don’t like it” isn’t really a valid reason to her to veto her first choice.

Maybe she feels like she compromised for you, the man, on a son’s name, so you should compromise on the daughter’s name for her, the woman. How did you veto her first and second choices of boy names?

Did you dismiss them the same way that you’re saying no now — as you just didn’t like them? She may feel like her choices are, and thus she is, being rejected by you. It may be more than a simple discussion of names, but a measure of her worth somehow.

Figure out what is really happening and talk to your wife. Deeply. With trust and vulnerability. Don’t dismiss her. Show that you’re willing to compromise and validate her compromise with your son’s name.

You need more information. Ostensibly, you married someone you love and chose to procreate with for a reason. Your wife wants Emily for a reason, what is it? Ask and listen. Don’t dismiss her answer. Listen and work towards a goal with your partner.

parlay_pass_rum said:

NTA you're allowed to not like the name because it’s too popular or because you just don’t like it. Two people made. A baby therefore you're both allowed to have an opinion. She must have other names in her head and you yourself. Look up meanings of names you like and present them to her, give over options.

She can’t sulk, she doesn’t get to railroad you into a name you dislike, it will cause resentment. also I had five Emily’s and five Lilia’s in my class, confusing and horrible. Popular does not mean good, it means you're boring.

Almost everyone was on OP's side for this one, but most people felt that a deep discussion needed to happen. What's your advice for these expecting parents?

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