'AITA for being mad that my husband repeatedly reminds me how he didn't like our wedding as much as his first wedding with his ex?'
"AITA for being mad that my husband repeatedly reminds me how he didn't like our wedding as much as his first wedding with his ex?"
AITA (38f) for resenting my husband (38m) because of how many times he's said his first wedding (with his ex) was better than our wedding? Or just generally complaining about our wedding?
He semi back pedaled after he could tell he upset me, but it isnt the first time he has said something like this. This was my first wedding, and this was his second (divorced his ex a year before we started dating).
His first wedding was at his ex in-laws acreage and had 100's of guests... Our wedding was small (7 people) at a local indoor garden. He helped with none of it.... He complained the entire time that he just wanted a court house wedding with no dressing up...
The day of our wedding, he got in a fight with my bridesmaids who chewed him out for not helping and he told me he almost didn't come back for the ceremony... I should have cancelled the wedding then and there, but went through with it.
He then later told me, just after I was saying that I enjoyed our wedding photos, that he didn't feel good about the wedding after he had invited two friends to be groomsmen that weren't really good friends with him anymore. They were two people I didn't like but he was allowed to invite whatever guests he wanted and chose them.
Today when he looked over at our photos on the wall and just blurted out that he liked his first wedding more... and then when he noticed I got teary eyes he proceeded to ask why its such a big deal... and said that weddings are meaningless and don't matter.
And then said we had tried to get a better location at my aunts farm and reminded me how even though we tried to have the wedding near my parents they refused to go... at this point I broke down crying...
Not only was he telling me he didn't like our wedding, he reminded me how no one but my two best friends were there for me at our wedding... Most women talk about their wedding being their happiest day... when mine gets brought up I break down crying thinking I married the wrong person...
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Tell him perhaps he'll like his 3rd wedding more.
Pack your bags and file for divorce.
Seriously, this is good advice. Get out of this. This man does not like you. Do you really want someone talking this way to you and treating you this way for the rest of your life?
Just take the L, divorce this man, and move on. Let his third wedding be the wedding of his dreams. Let your second wedding be the man of your dreams. NTA. This is divorce material in my book.
That really sucks. He sounds selfish and mean. Even if “weddings are meaningless” to him, it clearly meant something to you and should have to him as well. Comparing his two weddings when he didn’t even want to have one is really terrible.
NTA If he mentions it again just look him straight in the eyes and say maybe his next wedding will be better. Then just let him think on that.
NTA but im sure whatever reason you married him can’t be that great for you to overlook the fact that your husband doesn’t like nor respect you. This is what the rest of your life is gonna look like.
You being second best to his ex wife, and never feeling like enough. As well as the fact that he’s comfortable disrespecting the people around you. Time to get a new spine and put it to use.
NTA. But... I think you keep ignoring your gut here. Where's his kindness and consideration? He says hurtful things and tells you not to be upset? None of that is good for a healthy relationship.
Get yourself a therapist to help identify what's going on and how bad it is, and then see if he'll go to couple's counseling with you. If he cares about you and just isn't showing it, hopefully he changes.
NTA. He keeps telling you his first wedding was better, while yours was tiny, you planned it solo, and he sulked the whole day. That's not a one time slip, that's repeatedly crushing something hugely important to you.
Weddings may be "meaningless" to him, but he knows they matter to you and he keeps weaponizing it. This isn't about the day anymore, it's about him showing zero respect for your feelings. You deserve way better.
Take your bags and walk out the door without saying a word. This manchild is doing the most that he can to hurt you. He doesn’t love you. He wants to be with his first wife. How you could have any feelings for him at but distain at this point is beyond my comprehension.
I’m so sorry for everything. You are NTA… but your husband is a jerk!. Honestly, if you still want to keep married to him, look for couples therapy, otherwise this will eat you from the inside out and you will resent him more and more until the break point.
NTA!! Tell him you definitely plan on your second wedding being better than your first. And that "I think picking the right groom will help. Someone who is kind and considerate and wants to help make it wonderful together will be a good first step next time." Then walk away...
Unfortunately, you may be the infamous "rebound" wife. I (61M) have had a couple of good guy friends who went through this. For some reason they apparently felt like they had to be married after the first divorce and remarried quickly. Neither worked out, but both ended up happily married in their 3rd marriages. Sorry to say that it sounds like you are that 2nd rebound wife. 😕 Good luck!