'My husband said that no man wants a daughter.' AITA? ADVICE NEEDED
"My husband said that no man wants a daughter..."
The other week me (f22) and my fiancé (m26) got into a pretty big argument. On the way back from grocery shopping future children were brought up, I mentioned how I’d love to have a little girl. Instead of agreeing or saying something joyful, he quickly said how he’d be disappointed and how he’d want a son.
I knew he’d always wanted a son but I didn’t think a daughter would be a disappointment. He then compared a daughter to a son like, “getting a hand-me-down automatic car compared to a manual new car."
I guess he sees daughters as inferior? We went on for a bit, when I asked why he really wanted a son, he said, “I don’t want my bloodline to end, and if I have a daughter it’ll end with her with my family name."
I was speechless, he’s not royalty or anything so I’m not sure where bloodline is considered important. We reached home and I ignored him for a bit, it then blew up again, I tried to be reasonable and maybe come to a resolution, he kept shouting and mocking me. It reached a pinnacle where he shouted, “what man wants a daughter?"
I walked out the house because I had some unsavory things I wanted to yell. I left to go to work, and whilst driving I received a barrage of texts saying how he’s cutting my car off the insurance since I’m being so childish. That evening he apologized and I thought we’d made some progress when it comes to communication.
Flash forward a week later, I’m at work doing my thing when I receive a message from him saying how the cars battery is dead (context I have two cars, he has one, his car was at the garage so he’s been borrowing one of mine for a couple weeks), I spoke with my coworker, and she said as it’s quiet I can finish early so he can get my other car so he can get to work.
We then did some talking and he agreed that if I head back early he’d run me back to work so I don’t miss out on hours. My coworker was also happy to drop me off at home. He messaged me saying if I head home now he can drop me off back at work. So I head home and call him once I’m outside.
I said, “hey honey, I’m outside, where are you?” He snapped at me saying, “I'm nowhere near ready you come inside I’m not coming out." Despite my inner urge to just drive back to work after that attitude, I park up, call to him when I’m in the house and sit down on the sofa to wait.
Ten minutes pass and he storms down the stairs, sees me, snaps at me saying “ jeez thanks for the help, nice of you to help me when I’m in the pinch.'" I’m very confused, by his attitude and also the fact that letting him use both my cars is not considered helping in a pinch??
We got in the car I’m baffled, try and ask calmly why he’s so worked up. I’m the barked at with words along the lines of, I’m going to be late for work, you don’t even help me, I had to rush to shave, you could’ve packed my lunch whilst I’m getting ready. I was genuinely shocked. He then continued to yell at me in the car and mock me. I just don’t get how he doesn’t see how weird he’s being.
Whenever we have arguments like this he always ends up making me feel like it’s my fault for not always being able to know what’s going on. I know I’m far from perfect and I make mistakes.
But I would never treat him how he’s treating me at the moment. I feel like I’m always on egg shells, and everything I do is being scrutinized by him and judged. And that no matter what I’m doing it’s not enough for him. I just don’t know if he’s really being an ah or if I’m just being overly sensitive. Am I the AH?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Top-Customer1055 said:
Please do not have a child with this man. If you end up having a daughter she will be traumatized. I am not sure if you didn’t see all these red flags before getting married but honestly I would be thinking about divorce. These issues are core values.
AnxiousTelephone2997 said:
NTA. I know so many enthusiastic girl dads. Who literally wouldn’t trade being a girl dad for the WORLD. Your husband is a misogynist, is the problem. He views girls/women (yes, including you) as less than man. And it shows.
AtlantaDave998 said:
You're NTA. He sounds like an enormous piece of crap. You realize you can't have kids with him, right? What happens if you have a daughter? Now she's stuck with a garbage father that hates her.
tinymi3 said:
What in the hell just happened. he doesn't just see daughters as inferior.. he sees WOMEN as inferior. He sees YOU as inferior. Get out, girl. don't let any of your kids have this dude for a father. NTA. For reference, my husband always wanted a daughter.
MinuteBubbly9249 said:
You will definitely be a huge ahole if you stay with him and have kids with him. He sounds so cartoonishly awful.
BroccoliTurbulent533 said:
NTA, but why on earth did you not discuss having kids before you decided to marry this person? He’s sounds like a misogynistic ahole. I would leave before I fall pregnant and am stuck with this man in my life forever.