Husband shames wife for breastfeeding in public, 'I'm not comfortable with this.' AITA?
"AITA for breastfeeding my son in public because he was hungry?!"
Today I was at Walmart with my son. I knew he was getting hungry, he had been for quite some time but he was being very patient. Well we were about to reach the end of our shopping trip and he just starts to melt down. He's rooting like nobodies business and I can't keep him upright anymore. He is determined to get my boobs.
So I tuck myself away and let him latch. I reunite with my family and this is the conversation that ensues.
"I'm not comfortable with this makes hand gestures at me nursing my son."
Me "he is hungry, I need to feed him, what would you have me do?"
Them "not walk around Walmart with your boob out"
Me "there is nothing sexual about me feeding our son. I'm not walking around with just my boob out waving it around. I'm feeding our son. What is the problem here"
Them "previously you would use a cover."
Me "I do not currently have a cover. What would you have me do?"
Them "wait until we get to the car. He seems fine now."
"Yes he was fine now because he was eating. Give me the keys to the car. I'll take my child and go sit in the hot car since you can't not sexualize my body whilst I'm feeding your son."
If you haven't picked up on it the person this conversation was with was my husband. It completely crushed my spirit. I work so hard to take care of our son. To do all the right things.
My husband is an incredible partner but when it comes to this he has a very strange blind spot. He was formula fed. His sister strictly formula feeds her kids. His mom has a strange perception of breastfeeding because she "just couldn't do it."
My mil is in town and was with us at Walmart and obviously took his side after I left to the car. She wouldn't dare say anything about it but I just know based off previous comments that she took his side.
Neither one of them has said anything to me about it since. I got home and took our son to his nursery and fed him. Then I stayed up there for another two hours because I didn't want to be around him.
How can I reintroduce this conversation later to let my husband know how it made me feel? I just feel grossed out by my husband's ignorance. I'm so mad. Like f you dude. You are the problem here. Not me. So Reddit AITAH?
ETA: I was wearing a nursing top. Showing less boob than most women who wear low cut shirts. I was not walking around with my boob out. That's just what my husband said in the moment.
Also about my MIL. she was only privy to the conversation because she wanted to know why I went to the car pissed off. I latched my son for maybe five minutes in the corner of the baby section and he remained latched when I joined my family. When my husband said something after this interaction occured I immediately left to go to the car.
I didn't walk around Walmart naked. My heart is broken and my spirit is crushed. I was shamed for public breastfeeding. (I've heard stories about it happening but never thought it would happen to me. Not like this anyway).
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Intrepid_Potential60 said:
And now you know you have three boobs, two of one kind, one of another.
TissueOfLies said:
I had to read this three times to understand. For some reason, I wasn’t getting that your husband was the AH doing this and couldn’t get why he didn’t speak up. The least your own spouse can do is not act like you are the enemy for feeding your own child. The way he acted is literally disgusting and not okay. You are the mother of his child and deserve respect. NTA.
velocihipster said:
NTA but your husband is. As a first time mom also with a 7 week old, you are so incredibly lucky to be able to breastfeed your baby! So many moms have to struggle (myself included), and to be able to just feed your baby on demand is AMAZING. You are doing a great job of taking care of your little one.
Send your husband to this post so that he can read how much of an AH he is for trying to shame you for feeding the baby YOU made with YOUR body and have sacrificed so much to bring into the world.
Aware_Branch_2370 said:
NTA. feeding babies naturally should be normalized because it’s NORMAL. Your husband has been conditioned over his life to view boobs as sexual and that they are made for men. It will take time and effort (on his part) to change this view.
You absolutely should talk to him about it, after MIL is gone and you’ve calmed down. Maybe express how hurt you were and made to feel shame over something natural and normal and from the person who is supposed to have your back and HELP meet your child’s needs. He likely doesn’t realize the impact of his actions, so talking it out seems a good course of action.
WickedWitchofWTF said:
NTA. His response is a possessive one. He's more worried that other people will see your breasts than he is that your son was hungry. Which is absolutely unacceptable. I suggest bringing that up when you confront him. His priorities need to be reoriented to your son's needs, effective immediately, if he wishes to be a good father and a supportive husband.
Socknitter1 said:
NTA. Hungry babies need food and there is no better food than breast milk. Men who are uncomfortable with this are uninformed and sexist. I don’t blame you for being mad.
Sweet_Sheepherder_41 said:
NTA. You’re feeding your child, it’s a normal biological process. Breasts have just become so sexualized that some idiots can’t see them as anything else but that. Your husband is being weird and insecure.