Husband asks if he was wrong for making his wife attend their anniversary party alone.
Are you an a**hole if you don't show up at your own anniversary party?
Reddit user u/_aitaanniversary_ recently left his wife high and dry at their one-year anniversary party. It sounds unforgivable... until you hear his side of the story.
This newlywed is pleading his case to the unbiased people of the internet by asking, 'AITA (Am I The A**hole) for not going to my wedding anniversary party?'
He writes:
My wife 'Tamara' (27f) and I (29m) had our first wedding anniversary very recently. Tamara wanted to have a big party to celebrate, because it's our first and also because we had a relatively scaled-back wedding due to restrictions She booked out a restaurant, ordered a custom cake, etc and seemed to have had fun planning everything.
I was on board with everything until a few weeks ago. My brother and his wife were in a serious accident, he died on the scene and my SIL was taken to hospital, and she died the next day. This hit me and my family very hard, as you can probably imagine - and if all that wasn't enough, we got the news afterward that SIL was expecting.
'It's just devastating and I'm struggling to process it.'
The issue first arose because I told Tamara that we should cancel, or at least postpone our anniversary party - we could go out to dinner together and do something just the two of us, but no party. Tamara said everything's been booked and planned and we can't cancel now.
She told me to 'take my time' and think about it rationally, but honestly, all my rational thinking said was that I didn't want to party at such a time, which I told her but Tamara replied things like 'would brother and SIL want us to put everything on hold?'and 'a party like this might lift my mood a bit.'
We had argued over this and I eventually told Tamara that she can party all she wants, but I don't want to be a part of it. She shrugged it off and said that 'I'd come around.' Again I told her multiple times I didn't want to go but every time she said 'I need to lift my mood' or 'it'll make me feel better' and things like that.
So the party was this past weekend and I didn't end up going. Tamara's been furious with me, that I made her look bad and let her down, and she cut the time short. My in-laws have been on my ass non-stop, saying that I could've just shown up for an hour or two and then made an excuse to leave, and I'm a terrible husband for abandoning my wife.
So I'm here for third-party opinions if I was the AH for not attending.
OP's wife showed a major lack of empathy by pressuring her grieving husband to attend an anniversary party. Reddit not only declared this guy, 'Not The A**hole' but many commenters think that this first wedding anniversary should be their last.
From mistressM333
NTA, I'm so sorry for your loss. That was really disrespectful of your wife. I couldn't imagine even wanting to go out and party after something like this. You shouldn't have even had to ask her to cancel your anniversary party, it should have been a given. Just seems like she is being selfish.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
From ParamedicSilent2097
NTA, absolutely. Your wife is seriously lacking in compassion, and very self absorbed.
From Haylz19
NTA. I am so sorry for the loss of your brother, SIL and their baby. Your wife abandoned you, you did not abandon her. She should have cancelled the party immediately and it was not in any way reasonable for her to push or expect you to go.
From apietenpol
For me it was when she told her husband to 'think rationally'. Bitch, rational thinking went out the window when the husband had his brother, SIL and possible neice/nephew violently RIPPED FROM HIS LIFE!
Wife has no empathy, and the next few days and weeks would go a long way toward me deciding if the marriage is worth saving. NTA, OP and I'm truly sorry for your loss. I'm praying for you and your whole family.
From Iataaddicted25
NTA, but your wife is. Being married is not only about celebrating the good moments. Is about being present for the bad too. Your wife lacks empathy and good sense. I'm sorry but this would be the hill I would die on.
She has been dismissive of your grieving process and your family since it happened and you asked her to postpone the wedding anniversary.
From Throwawayhater3343
NTA OP, not the AH at all. So sorry for your loss.
Obviously, she gets her entitlement from her parents.... basically telling OP to 'suck it up because his loss is not nearly as important as their precious daughter having a party to show off'. My God this is marriage-ending entitlement right here.
From GardenSafe8519
Wife doesn't care one bit about OPs family. That's a different kind of tragedy in and of itself. OP would better off without an entitled princess. So sorry for all your losses OP and you're NTA. You wife and her family sure are though
From Tasty_Doughnut_9226
NTA you've just lost two (would have been three) important people in your life it takes more than a few weeks to process and adjust. Your wife sounds very selfish and I would suggest you rethink if she's really the right person for you.It was just a party, that could have been rearranged. So sorry you and your family are going through this
From graceannet
Sheesh, I don't know if 'dismissive' is too kind of a word for how she's treating his grieving process... blatantly disrespectful may have been a bit more on the nose.
Also, I love that HER parents have been on HIS ASS about 'abandoning his wife' after his literal brother and pregnant sister-in-law died — I'd love for OP's family to rip that entire bunch a new one, tbh. Her whole family seems rancid.
From unpopularcryptonite
NTA, the lack of empathy from your wife is astounding and I am not sure that she's a good partner.