'AITA for leaving my husband after he sold my family heirloom jewelry?' UPDATED
"AITA for leaving my husband after he sold my family heirloom jewelry?"
Hey guys! Throwaway here for normal reasons. Also, English isnt my first language so sorry for any typos. Anyway, I 29f and my husband 30m are lately in a tough economic situation. I lost my job, and am still in the process of getting a new one.
We are also in debt 4 thousand dollars due us buying an apartment recently. We've been living from paycheck to paycheck, and life has been generally tough Also, I am mourning my mother who passed away 3 months ago. We weren't exactly close, but she was my mother after all.
My husband has been very helpful to me during these months. All my mother left me was a necklace and a bracelet that our family has been passing down for 3 generations. I knew about these, and my mother always told me to please keep them safe. I respect her wish and intended to keep my promise.
I left them in a box I put under my bed, and told my husband about the value they had. I told him to please not touch the necklace and bracelet as I didn't want it to become damaged. What is also worth mentioning is that the necklace and bracelet weren't cheap. They were at least 5k us dollars in gold and the diamonds too.
Anyways, fast forward to 2 days ago. I was cleaning out our room and decided to check up on the box. I noticed that it wasn't there anymore. I was curious where it went and asked my husband if he moved it for some reason. He originally told me no, but then I saw his face light up. I asked him what was going on and he told me he had a surprise.
He said he sold the jewelry and bought us a little 4 day vacation to Mexico. He said it was a way to destress from our current situation. I asked him if he was serious. He said yes. Instead of being happy, I was appalled. How could you sell them? I asked. He asked what the problem was since I didn't even wear them. I told him that those items were personal to me and my family.
He was confused, like he never heard me say that. I started yelling at him, trying to get an answer. He was quiet the whole time and then I started crying. He started to try to hug me, but I pushed him away. I left right then and there to go to my friend's house to stay the night.
My husband is bombarding me with text and calls, but I didnt respond. Later, he started saying it's my fault for not reminding him about the jewelry and that I'm an ass. I still haven't responded, and i don't know what to do. Divorce? I am overreacting? AITA? Again sorry, for any mistakes or if the language is primitive.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA. Tell him unless he can get them back, you are done with him. If he can't, you need to file a lawsuit against him along with the divorce.
Tell him to return the jewelry or you'll be reporting the theft.
YSK that the ‘I bought a holiday for both of us!’ is a conman’s ruse to make you feel complicit - like ‘you can’t be mad at me cos I did this for both of us! Like hell he did. If he’d done this for both of you, he’d have paid off your debts before splashing out on holidays.
Adding: The jewelry you inherited is your separate property by law. What he did was grand theft (felony).
The next day OP posted this update:
Hello guys! First, thank you for all the support u guys gave in the comments! Anyways, I started by texting my husband and telling him that I'll be coming over to talk things over. He said "ok" and I started driving home. When I got there, he was in the shower and I saw his phone on the bed.
I decided to look through it to find messages between him and the seller to see what he sold the jewelry for. But what I found completely shook me. I found messages between him and someone called "L" in his contacts. I looked through the messages, and guess what? He was cheating.
Apparently, he gave the bracelet to her for her birthday, which was 3 days ago. Based on the messages she was so flattered and happy about it. I never even noticed a difference in my husband and never bothered checking his phone because we never had anything to hide.
They've been together for about 8 months since that is how far the messages go. I don't think she knows that I exist. I felt so numb that all I could do was screenshot the messages and send them to myself. I left right there and then and didn't even talk to him. As I got in the car I immediately got messages from him asking me where I was. I didn't respond.
Andrew's back to my friends, tears in my eyes. Once I got to my friends I spent an hour just crying, how could my husband do that? I guess he thought of giving the bracelet alone to his girlfriend, but since he was already there he decided to sell the necklace for trip to Mexico. Anyways, after about a hundred texts and calls, I got a long message from him.
In summary, he said he negotiated with the seller and will get the necklace back. He said he was deeply sorry for disrespecting my items, and said he genuinely wanted to surprise me. I asked him about the bracelet. After leaving me on read for like 10 minutes, he said he could get it back and apologized again. I never responded.
After crying again and my friend supporting me, I decided to follow your guy's advice and call a divorce lawyer. I told him the situation, and he said I could easily divorce him and get compensation. I still haven't called the police and I'm just wondering if I really need to go that far
I got the other girls number so maybe she'll be understanding and return the necklace? I don't know right now. And I'm still numb about everything. I'll update you guys later! Thanks for your advice guys, it really helped me. Bye!
Here's what people had to say to OP after the update:
Follow your lawyer's advice. If they say call the police and file a report. DO IT! The bottom line here is that he stole from you and gave it to his side piece. Take him to the fucking cleaners.
Yes, I think I will report it to the police in the near future
Not near future. ASAP like now. Ask your lawyer to go with you. The longer you wait, the less they can do.
Divorce that POS and tell him you’ll press charges against him and side piece as she has stolen property if he doesn’t return it by EOD. Or press charges anyway if that is what the lawyer says to do.
Take him to the cleaners. He stole your family jewellery from you to fund his mistress. Once you’ve filed from divorce you tell EVERY single one of your mutual friends and family exactly why you are divorcing him. Do not let him get away with it.