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Husband tells tired stay-at-home wife and mother of his son, 'that's the job you chose.' AITA?

Husband tells tired stay-at-home wife and mother of his son, 'that's the job you chose.' AITA?


"AITA for telling my wife 'that's the job you chose?'"

I am 32m and my wife is 31f we have been together for 5 years and married for 2. We had our kid 5 months ago. For some info my wife is a stay at home mom, she wanted to be a stay-at-home wife, but when I told her what she would have to do around the house, she said no.

When she got pregnant, she said she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, which I figured. I did tell her that she would be the primary caretaker of our child and that she would still have some chores around the house that she would need to do once she fully recovered.

For a little more Info, she wanted to be a stay-at-home wife because I make a significant amount more than her. I was against it because I didn't want her to always rely on me for money. She spent her whole check while I tried to save money, so we compromised. She could keep her complete check, and I'll pay all the bills, and she may do groceries or pay for something else.

So now to the story: our son wakes up in the middle of the night a lot. I think he's scared or hungry, I don't know. If I don't have to go to work the next day I will get him and take care of him, and sometimes even if I have to go in, I'll get him. A few nights ago my wife had went out with her friends for the first time in a while I took care of him while she was gone she had come in loudly and made the baby cry.

I asked her if can she get him because I had a big day at work and yes, she was still up. She said no, she was tried. I said I was also tired. We argued for a minute and I ended up going get the baby while she went to go eat dinner. She asked how come I only get the baby some nights but not all, since she has to take care of him during the day.

I told her you asked to be a stay at home mom, you chose this I told you that it was a 24 hour job if you didn't know the job description that's not my fault. She got mad and said how was she supposed to know the description of a job she had never had before.

I told her he's a baby he's gonna cry if he hears loud noises or gets scared that's common sense I also told her you also never had a job before with your first job yet you still did it.

I told her that if she wanted to go back to work she could and then we could split child care 50/50 she hated that idea and got madder at me. I just ended up sleeping in the room next to the babies. So aitah for saying that?


I work 12 hour shifts, and a stay at home wife is someone who is like a housewife. If you still don't know, please search it up. When I gave her chores she had to do it is because she was not going to be a stay at home wife and do nothing but spend money. For her being a stay at home mom as long as the kid is alive and the house isn't too messy then I'm fine for now. When he starts crawling I don't accept it to be as clean as it was when he was a newborn.

I do parent my child. When I get home I take him unless he's sleep them I let him stay sleep, but as soon as he's up I'm doing whatever with him while my wife has a break to do whatever she pleases. Yes somedays I cook other days we go out, and on my off days she knows she can go wherever she pleases. The reason I called her job 24hrs is because as a mother or father it is. So she is a mother that is her job so yes it is 24hrs.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Out_Of_F%cking_Ideas said:

YTA. You clearly look down on your wife. You make significantly more than she did, but complain that she spent her whole check while you saved money? You told her she can go back to work and split child care 50/50, knowing she’d make a lot less than you?!

She’s taking care of an infant the majority of the time, which is exhausting, and you’re telling her it’s a 24-hour job, bitching about chores, saying she’s not just going to stay home and spend money, and patting yourself on the back for doing the bare minimum of parenting? You don’t like her, you don’t respect her, and you’re definitely the ahole.

Odd-End-1405 said:

NTA. So, you married and impregnated someone who basically wants to be taken care of with no responsibilities? Good luck.

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnah said:

I find it extremely difficult to believe either one of you are in your 30s. You’re both TA. Hire a housekeeper and a trustworthy nanny with that “significant amount” of money you’re making and take your wife to couple’s therapy. Maybe consider divorce before the kid is old enough to be deeply traumatized by all of this. Good luck.

Braeburn1918 said:

YTA. It sounds like you’re looking at your marriage as you would a business transaction. Not once in your narrative did I see anything that indicated that you love your wife or your child. You merely detailed how you expect your “home business” to run. I got serious “job description” vibes, as if your wife was an employee, your home the office, and your child the customer being serviced. Such a creepy vibe.

Jezabel8708 said:

YTA. In your post and some comments, you are implying or saying that it's her job 24 hours a day. At best, with you "helping." But then when people call you out on it, you backtrack in your comments and edits.

Think of it this way: while you're at work, your job is to be at work (unless theres something urgent at home of course) and her job is to be a SAHM. Once you get home, the child/home tasks are now equally the responsibility of both of you. I think the issue here is you need to recognize her being a SAHM as an actual fulltime job.

GreenTravelBadger said:

She wants nothing more than to be a Lady Who Lunches. Stay-at-home wife, indeed. She wants to not work, have you support her fully, have plenty of play money for herself, and sleep like there's not an infant in the house. Ain't that too fekken bad. Time for Princess to go back to work. NTA.

The opinions were fairly divided for this one. What's your advice for this family?

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