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Husband tells wife 'you aren't my mom so I don't have to celebrate you on Mother's Day.' 'I was disappointed.' AITA?

Husband tells wife 'you aren't my mom so I don't have to celebrate you on Mother's Day.' 'I was disappointed.' AITA?


"Husband said 'you aren’t my mother so I don’t have to celebrate you on Mother’s Day.'"

Background: Been married to my husband for two and a half years. I have three children and three step-children. Not only is it Mother’s Day but also my mother’s birthday. His mother’s birthday was last week. I thought of the present, bought it, planned a dinner for her, ordered, and bought the cake. She wanted to celebrate with her 98 year old mother today.

I did the same things for my mother today. He vacuumed before my parents came over, he grilled the steaks and salmon and helped clean up after dinner. That is it. I show up for all my step kids’ performances, games, school events. I plan their birthday parties and buy all their presents.

Same with Christmas. I remind him of all of these events. He rarely even knows what I get them. I do the same on any important holidays for him - birthday, anniversary, valentines, Father’s Day and Christmas.

Hardly anything happened for me today. Two of my kids said “Happy Mother’s Day.” My 11 year old step daughter also said it and gave me a very cute jar of all the things she loves about me. My 16 year old son told me the present he bought me doesn’t come until tomorrow.

My 13 year old daughter told me that she asked my husband by text to help her with several things and he never responded. When she had asked me what I wanted I told her updated pictures for my office knowing it wouldn’t be expensive to just print some of our favorite photos and it would mean a lot to me.

I was disappointed. I was disappointed that all I asked of my 18 year old son was to take a new picture with me and he couldn’t be bothered, I was disappointed that my husband told me that “You are not my mother” and “I didn’t do anything for my kids’ mother so why would I do something for you.”

I am hurt. And I feel bad for feeling hurt. I feel selfish. He did help with dinner. But all I would have like would be a “Happy Mother’s Day” from him and maybe a card. Bonus points if he could understand that helping the 13 year old print some pictures would mean a lot to her and to me. That would have made me feel valued and special.

I don’t need the spa day, breakfast in bed, being celebrated every moment like my brother does for his wife. And I’m so happy for her that he does that. That isn’t my husband’s personality. I would never expect that.

But is too aholey to just want a little understanding and appreciation for all the things that I do for all our kids even if it is a commercial holiday? He says that I’m mean and an ahole for being upset. I didn’t yell and scream just cried and didn’t want him to cuddle me to ease his own anxiety.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

WakingOwl1 said:

NTA, five years ago on Mother’s Day I worked a nearly 14 hour day - in food service and Mother’s Day is crazy - and half an hour after I got home my ex asked me what I was cooking for dinner.

I said it’s Mother’s Day and I just worked 14 hours maybe you can cook dinner. He told me “You’re not MY mother...” We’d been together 35 years at that point and I was wavering as to whether or not I wanted to stay together any longer. That was the straw that broke the camels back.

Whole-Ad-2347 said:

Father’s Day is coming. Remember he is not your father. He needs a reality check! My daughter went to spend Christmas with her dad for many years when she was a child. I always took her shopping for Christmas gifts for him and his parents and sister. I never got anything in return.

Btw, I wasn’t receiving child support so he couldn’t use that excuse. One year when she was older, maybe 12, she decided that she didn’t want to get him a gift. All of the rest of his family got gifts. He didn’t understand. Sometimes people are so used to being done for and about that they can’t even get it to do for others.

Simple_Reception4091 said:

NTA but hubby sure is. He’s happy for you to act like a mother to his kids yet doesn’t want to say 3 simple words to you? Not a great guy, IMO.

Catwomaninred said:

NTA and stop being a doormat. Don't act like a mother for his children and don't you dare doing something for him on father day if you do it don't come here to cry because you are entertaining his behavior. You are not his maid you deserve respect love attention. To be honrst I would not stay with someone who think so little of me

TheBrittz22 said:

This ISN'T normal. Ask yourself why are you okay being treated like this?

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this couple?

Sources: Reddit
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