'My husband thinks my separate blanket is breaking us apart. AITA?'

"AITA for wanting my own blanket?"

My husband (43M) and I (30F) recently celebrated our one year wedding anniversary. In the last year we have been married, there have been several instances in which he has gotten upset because I do things that do not involve him. Play D&D once a month, join certain professional organizations, go on a work trip, etc.

The mood swings associated to them are dramatic and come on quickly, which results in him shutting down, eating less, not sleeping, and other things. Yesterday kind of took the cake for me.

As background, he is a restless sleeper, and moves a lot during the night including tugging on the blanket, which wakes me up or at least pulls me out of deep sleep. Around a month ago, I started using my own blanket to sleep at night to solve the problem and get better rest.

He was upset at this, making comments like “this breaks us apart” and it “impacts his sleep negatively since he doesn’t have my body heat," but I told him it’s been helping me sleep a lot better and I feel better at work the next day. He dropped it, so I considered the matter closed. However, about two weeks after he changed the sheets on the bed and didn’t replace my blanket.

I didn’t give it much thought and just shared the blanket with him since I might as well just give it a go with the shared blanket again since I’ve been more rested recently. However, two weeks in (which was two nights ago) I was sleep-deprived and irritable, and we had family over for the holidays which is always stressful.

I took a second blanket out that night and went to bed. Around dawn he woke up and left the bedroom. I figured he just woke up early and didn’t want to wake me so I didn’t give it much more thought.

However, last night after coming back from a wonderful day trip into the city with my family, he asked me in a lighthearted way if I was sleeping with my own blanket. I told him I was, and he frowned and said that he’ll be “sleeping on the couch then”. Confused, I asked him why, and he said since I was “choosing to be separated from him, then he would choose the same."

I told him he didn’t need to do that, it was just another blanket, and he told me it was the same thing as choosing to be without him and left the room. The next morning I asked him why he thought the way he did, and he said that his grandparents (which basically raised him) slept in separate beds and “he didn’t want to be like them," and that I was selfish to have a blanket to myself.

I told him we were not his grandparents, and I was not asking him to change what he cannot control (being a restless sleeper), but I was prioritizing my own wellbeing to have good sleep. He asked for space after that to be with his thoughts. This seems like a weird hill to die on, but AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Newplanter11 said:

Nta. But read everything you just wrote and pretend someone else wrote it. Not wanting you to have your own thing. Complaint about a blanket. Maybe think about some therapy...it doesn’t seem healthy from the outside looking in…

dontstopmecow said:

NTA. He’s so cold without you that his solution it to sleep on the couch alone? Sounds like he doesn’t care what makes you comfortable because it doesn’t benefit him. Sleeping on the couch will do far more harm for this relationship than a blanket separating you two.

Only-Breadfruit-6108 said:

He’s saying you’re selfish for wanting your own blanket. Why haven’t you pointed out that he sleeps selfishly and hogs the blanket in the middle of the night. You’re not starting this!

9111siren said:

You married a narcissist. There is no fixing this. NTA.

BlondDee1970 said:

NTA. Get your sleep. Let him pout.

TheWacoFogey said:

NTA. This is a ridiculous hill for him to defend at all, let alone die on. He's 43?? Your solution is actually pretty elegant. He should appreciate the effort you are putting into solving the issue, not insist that you keep suffering to prevent feeling like he's living like his grandparents.

dvnmsm said:

NTA. Your husband is immature and ridiculous. Why do you have to be sleep deprived and miserable so that he can be happy?