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'AITA for telling my husband he can't go on a boys trip and leave me with our newborn?' + EXTRA POSTS

'AITA for telling my husband he can't go on a boys trip and leave me with our newborn?' + EXTRA POSTS

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"AITA for telling my husband he can't go on a boys trip and leave me with our newborn?"

So, my husband (34m) and I (28f) just had a baby boy. He's amazing, precious, and very gassy at times. I had a c-section, not by choice, and am still recovering. Baby boy is about two weeks old.

My husband is great, he shares all the responsibilities with me, supports me postpartum, and really makes sure baby boy and I are happy and healthy. The thing is, my husband hasn't worked for a while now and i'm the sole provider at the moment.

His dad passed away about two months ago and he had to leave me when I was 9 months pregnant (his family lives in a different country) for 3 weeks because none of his siblings wanted to manage everything around his dad's passing away.

He stopped working when he left and hasn't gotten back to it since. We have talked about it and he will get back to work in the near future (a month or so). I worked until the day I gave birth, I own a small business and need to get back to partial work in a few days. I will have to get back to full time in about 3 weeks.

Now, my husband has a brother that isn't the best family guy. He provides very little for his family, has 5 kids he often leaves his wife alone with, only "helps to babysit" sometimes and in general isn't really there unless it has to do with keeping the kids alive at max.

My husband's brother won some football tickets about 6 months ago and invited my husband and his dad to go with (my husband had to pay for his submission to that contest tho).

Now that my FIL passed away, my husband's brother wants them both to go to that football game abroad and stay for 4 days. My husband doesn't just want to go, he made it a fact, and says his brother said this would be a trip in memory of their father.

I don't know how I'll do 4 days with baby boy alone at home. He will be a 5 weeks old and I will be freshly back to work. My mom will be able to help but I can't just leave the kid with her at this stage.

I told my husband there's no way he's leaving and now he is mad at me and says he will be going anyway and i'm an asshole for not understanding him. I will say, before their father died, I still said the same thing - I'll have a newborn at home and won't want him to leave. This has been known for over 6 months now. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Ask him if he'd be ok with you booking a trip of same length with your mom or whoever for the week after and leaving him alone with baby for that long? Does he think he'd manage?

Also you're sole provider. I'd be telling him I wouldn't be contributing a single cent to that trip. He can pay for the 4 days with the money from his non existant job!

OP reponded:

So I did - he said he'd be happy to stay with the baby. Also, money wise, I told him that, up until 3-4 months ago he had a nice income, so to him, it is justified to use our common funds to pay for that trip.

Nope, tell him if he goes not to bother coming back. He knows that you need to go back to work and that you wouldn't book a trip yourself.

TheAwesomePalace

NTA. Disregarding, like, everything about him being not working and you overworking - who cares about what he wants, what his brother wants, or anything like that. He has a newborn at home, he's not just gonna up and vanish like that. He chose to have a kid now he has to take care of it.

His 'boy time' vanished for a good long while the moment he agreed to have a kid with you. He knows what it takes to care for a newborn, I hope so at least, so no way a good dad would just up and leave you alone like that.

Llama-no_drama

Sounds like deadbeat BIL has gotten into his head due to his grief about their father. Ask husband if his brother is honestly the parent he wants to model himself after, knowing how little he does for his own children.

Arkham1798

NTA, also might I add that your husband sounds like an excuse of a human being.

Who leaves their barely one month old baby to go on a boy's trip!

Over in r/newparents OP posted this just before the boys trip question:

My husband (34m) and I (28f) just had out baby boy two weeks ago. He's amazing. I breastfeed and pump and we both do pretty much everything throughout the day. We currently share the night in a way that I go to sleep first, sleep until around 3am while my husband is on call with him, and then we switch until about 9am.

My husband and I are both business owners, i'm going back to partial work in the afternoons really soon, and my husband will get back in about a month or so.

How do you share the nights with your partner? Looking to see if we might find a better way, wspecially if we'll be back to work soon. Thanks

7 months earlier OP posted this:

"AITA If I got really hurt by my husband wanting to watch the UEFA champions league on our 1st anniversary weekend?"

My husband (33) and I (27) are going away for our first anniversary in a couple of weeks. We had a difficult year and a difficult wedding, so I feel like this anniversary is a celebration of us surviving all the insanity that was present in our first year being married.

We planned a weekend away in a hotel, I booked massages, got his gift, and booked dinner at a recommended restaurant.

My husband texted me today asking what are our plans on that day (the day after our anniversary). I answered we're on our anniversary weekend and he said there might be a problem because the same day is the football champions league finals and he wants to watch it. He suggested we have dinner somewhere the game is being cast.

My husband is a huge sports fan and already pretty invested in the world cup on our honeymoon. I made sure he knows the dates before booking and told him how much it bothers me.

He's arguing with me and not budging. He made it a fact that he'll watch the game.

I feel like our anniversary is lower on his priority list than a football final.

I got angry and emotional and made a scene about it when I realised he doesn't even care about the reason i'm upset. He's acting like i'm the asshole because i'm making a scene. *for clarification - I would 100% not make a scene and think of a solution if he got the point and would have acknowledged that it might be upsetting to me. AITA?

Here are some relevent comments from this last post:

[deleted]

So it'll take two hours from a long weekend. I like football, as does my hubby so we'd just watch it. I don't think either of you is the asshole. If you have babies and he prefers a game over the birth, that's a different question.

OP responded:

I edited and gave some clarity - I honestly wouldn't mind finding a solution if he got the fact that it might upset me and didn't make it a *fact* that he's watching it.

for reference - he went to a football game while my dad went into surgery (we live nextdoor to them, pretty close), was hooked to his phone on our honeymoon (not even just on games - that I would get, but even just texting friends about the games), and I made sure he knew the dates before I booked anything.

NTA, but you married him knowing he was like this.

[deleted]

ESH. Your husband willing to die on this hill makes him at fault. You, using that as a measure for his investment (“if you loved me, you’d miss the game”) makes you at fault too. There’s nothing wrong with going to a restaurant that has the game on, ffs.

After reading OP's posts, what do you think? Is everything fine, or is this marriage on borrowed time?

Sources: Reddit,Reddit,Reddit
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