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'AITA for not wanting my husband to go on a boys trip while i'm at home with our newborn?'

'AITA for not wanting my husband to go on a boys trip while i'm at home with our newborn?'

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"AITA for not wanting my husband to go on a boys trip while i'm at home with our newborn?"

clarazn

So, my husband (34m) and I (28f) just had a baby boy. He's amazing, precious, and very gassy at times. I had a c-section, not by choice, and am still recovering. Baby boy is about two weeks old.

My husband is great, he shares all the responsibilities with me, supports me postpartum, and really makes sure baby boy and I are happy and healthy. The thing is, my husband hasn't worked for a while now and i'm the sole provider at the moment.

His dad passed away about two months ago and he had to leave me when I was 9 months pregnant (his family lives in a different country) for 3 weeks because none of his siblings wanted to manage everything around his dad's passing away.

He stopped working when he left and hasn't gotten back to it since. We have talked about it and he will get back to work in the near future (a month or so). I worked until the day I gave birth, I own a small business and need to get back to partial work in a few days. I will have to get back to full time in about 3 weeks.

Now, my husband has a brother that isn't the best family guy. He provides very little for his family, has 5 kids he often leaves his wife alone with, only "helps to babysit" sometimes and in general isn't really there unless it has to do with keeping the kids alive at max.

My husband's brother won some football tickets about 6 months ago and invited my husband and his dad to go with (my husband had to pay for his submission to that contest tho).

Now that my FIL passed away, my husband's brother wants them both to go to that football game abroad and stay for 4 days. My husband doesn't just want to go, he made it a fact, and says his brother said this would be a trip in memory of their father.

I don't know how I'll do 4 days with baby boy alone at home. He will be a 5 weeks old and I will be freshly back to work. My mom will be able to help but I can't just leave the kid with her at this stage.

I told my husband there's no way he's leaving and now he is mad at me and says he will be going anyway and i'm an asshole for not understanding him. I will say, before their father died, I still said the same thing - I'll have a newborn at home and won't want him to leave. This has been known for over 6 months now. AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

TheAwesomePalace

NTA. Disregarding, like, everything about him being not working and you overworking - who cares about what he wants, what his brother wants, or anything like that. He has a newborn at home, he's not just gonna up and vanish like that. He chose to have a kid now he has to take care of it.

His 'boy time' vanished for a good long while the moment he agreed to have a kid with you. He knows what it takes to care for a newborn, I hope so at least, so no way a good dad would just up and leave you alone like that.

Llama-no_drama

Sounds like deadbeat BIL has gotten into his head due to his grief about their father. Ask husband if his brother is honestly the parent he wants to model himself after, knowing how little he does for his own children.

Arkham1798

NTA, also might I add that your husband sounds like an excuse of a human being.

Who leaves their barely one month old baby to go on a boy's trip!

Accomplished_ways777

NTA obviously. A memorial thing can be done absolutely any time, any year, anywhere. He doesn't have to go. But what bugs me is this:

"he had to leave me when I was 9 months pregnant (his family lives in a different country) for 3 weeks because none of his siblings wanted to manage everything around his dad's passing away."

Sooo, his brothers bailed out, put all the responsibility of their father's death on your husband's shoulders and now they want to do a memorial trip for their father?... Make that make sense. Because for me, this sounds like the biggest BS excuse for him to just get away from being a father for a few days.

"I told my husband there's no way he's leaving and now he is mad at me and says he will be going anyway and i'm an asshole for not understanding him."

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Does he understand YOU and your C-section?? You were literally cut open 2 weeks ago but HE needs to go on a boy's trip to rewind and relax? He basically refuses to understand the toll that the surgery took on your body, refuses to understand the fact that you have a C-section, a baby and a job to go back to ASAP.

And his way of dismissing you is worrying. He called you an AH and disrespected your wish for him to stay home and be a father. Yeah... you need to go to couple's counseling because he clearly turns the tables on you when you try to open his eyes. Gaslighting and emotional manipulation much??

Hydrogeology

NTA - Your husband and BIL are holding this up as in memory of their father. In other words, family ties are strong and should be respected. Yet, he is not thinking that he has his own new family now. He needs to respect that as well.

Further, he needs to respect his wife who is not only the person who carried and nurtured his son, but had a difficult birth to boot. His wife is also the sole breadwinner at this time. He's already honored his father by taking time off when you were heavily pregnant.

He's been on vacation and he needs to step up and start thinking about his contribution to his own family. He needs to decide if his loyalty is to his brother or to his wife and newborn son.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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