Wife cries and doctor glares when husband answers phone call in the middle of wife giving birth. AITA?
"AITA for not letting go the fact that my husband took a call while I was in the middle giving birth?"
Disastrous_One5512
My husband was at work when my water broke. I packed up the car and drove 10 minutes to the hospital. My husband met me there and was supportive. I had a 17 hour labor.
I didn’t except to feel nothing stomach down from the epidural (this is our first) Hours after the epidural I started to have panic attacks from being nervous and not being able to feel my legs.
It was 2 am so I woke up my husband and asked him just to touch my feet. He did for a minute which calmed me down then he went back to sleep. About an hour later I got nervous again and asked him to do the same thing.
He got upset, told me to go to sleep then immediately went back to sleep. I slept for about an hour but the contractions started to come on stronger. I tried to adjust myself but my leg fell off the bed.
I didn’t want to wake up my husband because he was already mad at me and I didn’t want to bug the nurses so my leg dangled off the bed for about 40 minutes until the nurse came in for my heart rate being high.
If you’ve never had an epidural, I couldn’t move my legs. I tried to bend over to grab my leg but I had a big pregnant belly in the way At about 8 am the doctors told me I was ready to deliver my baby.
My husband was still asleep and wasn’t very happy when I woke him up. He eventually became supportive. Since I couldn’t move my legs my husband held up one leg for me and a nurse held the other.
When I wasn’t having a contraction my husbands phone rang. I thought he’d decline the call but instead he dropped my leg, walked to the corner of the room and answered it.
Every nurse/doctor in the room looked at him and glared. He said “hey what’s up man I’m a little busy right now” and proceeded to talk for a few minutes (which felt a lot longer).
I had another contraction while he was on the phone so a second nurse rushed over from the other side to pick up the leg my husband dropped. After that contraction ended my husband was off the phone and said “oh I’m sorry I’ll take back over” to the nurse.
A few minutes later we had our baby boy. Hours later I told him how hurt I was and he put it off to me being an “emotional girl”. I was emotional because I felt abandoned and like even during labor I was being put last.
In the recovery room the nurse made a comment about how she’s never seen someone be so thoughtless while their kid was being born. Later we were talking about the birth to my family, I brought up the issue of the phone he laughed and said hey you got to answer when it rings.
I said, "Not in the middle of your son being born." He looked at me weird then changed the conversation. We have fought about it a couple of times and when I said you haven’t apologized for how it made me feel.
He says something along the lines of I’m sorry, are you happy now. My husband wants to have a second kid but I’m terrified of how I’ll be treated in the delivery room m. He tells me to get over it when I bring up this concern or says how can I prove I’ll be there if you don’t give me the chance.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
kimba-the-tabby-lion
"I’m terrified of how I’ll be treated in the delivery room."
That's easy. Don't allow him in the delivery room. Pick someone - a friend, a family member, or a professional doula - someone who understands the assignment, and you won't be afraid of waking if you need something.
That is if you decide to mix DNA for a second time with this loser. Honestly, this behaviour would make me question every life decision. And please learn to advocate for yourself. Please ask for help if you need it.
You shouldn't lie with one leg dragging (and raising your HR?) because you don't want to be bother to those people whose purpose is to make sure you are comfortable and safe. NTA, and congrats on your son.
Far_Hat_8303
Umm the easy part is don’t have a second child with a man that cares so little for OP. He has the emotional maturity of a stick.
aitaburneracc001
"He eventually became supportive." The chill that ran down my damn spine when I read this was like a blizzard in every vertebrae. What the ever-loving hell is this? Eventually?!?! No no no no nope nope nah times a quadrillion.
Lady, you were producing a human being from within yourself. This is literally the most vulnerable and important day of your body's existence. Those 17 hours must have felt like weeks to you. The person who is theoretically supposed to love you the most couldn't keep it together for 17 hours.
For one damn day his mission as a man was to do every last damn thing you needed or wanted. My Mom was in labor with me for THREE days, and my Dad refused to sleep when she wasnt sleeping and cleaned up her poop with his hands because he thought the damn nurses weren't doing their job fast enough.
The words you were supposed to hear were "Don't worry baby, I've got you and I'm never letting go. You're a warrior. You can do this. I'm so proud of you. I love more than Earth." The words you actually heard were "hey what’s up man I’m a little busy right now."
Oh. My. God. I mean, I'm a purposefully child-free 20-something man and even I know that that is a screw-up that can't be unscrewed. I am so, so, so, sorry. Your kid is gonna have a great Mom, but I hope you have a great therapist and a fantastic lawyer. NTA NTA NTA.
dncrmom
NTA it’s just not answering the phone when you were in labor, he got angry because he wanted to sleep while you were in active labor. You were afraid to wake him to help you when your leg fell off the bed. You sound like you are in an abusive relationship.
Absolutely do not rush to have another child. Let your husband prove his dedication & support for you during the next several years. See how he acts when your child gets sick during the night.
Will he get pissed he has to wake up to clean up vomit & expect you to do it? Will he be attentive & engaged with your child everyday & not on his phone? I be considering divorce before considering a second child.
Ok_Historian_646
NTA. Who the hell answers the phone while their wife is pushing a child out of her womb?!?! What the actual F?!?! Op, you're gonna hang on to this for a long time. Add postpartum to it and you're going to be thinking about it constantly. Not sure how to get over the hurt of his delivery room behavior, but hopefully you'll find peace in this situation. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy!