Woman begs husband not to agree to attend trip with openly flirty CEO. When he goes anyway, she follows them. AITA? NEWEST UPDATE
"AITA for asking my husband not to go on a trip with a woman who openly flirts with him, and feeling betrayed when he did anyway?"
Hi everyone, I’m a 32F and I’ve been married to my husband (let's call him Joe) for 8 years, together for 10. In all that time, we’ve always prioritized each other’s emotional well-being.
If something hurt one of us, we didn’t do it again — no matter what. We valued having a happy spouse more than being “right.” Because of this, my love and trust for him grew immensely. I was certain he’d never do anything that would break my heart. But here I am, heartbroken and disappointed.
Joe owns a company, and we work together. Financially, we’re in a great place. Recently, through Joe’s father, we got the chance to bid for a major government contract — a massive opportunity.
Due to its scale, several companies are teaming up, and one key company involved (without whom the deal won’t happen) is led by a very attractive, flirty woman. She’s the CEO and has openly flirted with Joe in front of me. We both noticed her behavior, and in order to avoid misunderstandings or conflict, we decided to work on the bid together.
Things were okay until one meeting where, during a break, she touched Joe’s arm and said something like, “If I had a husband like you, I’d never leave his side. You’re someone every woman wants, but sometimes even that’s not enough — someone else might steal your mind.”
I snapped and responded, “I’m not following him — he just never leaves my side.” She brushed it off as a joke, but I know it wasn’t. I saw the look in her eyes — and women just know.
Later, I talked to Joe about it. He admitted she was crossing a line and that he was uncomfortable, but didn’t react strongly to avoid jeopardizing the deal. I wasn’t thrilled, but I tried to understand.
Then today, I found out that I was excluded from a 3-day site visit for the bid — a trip requested by that woman. Only five people are going, and Joe is one of them.
When I heard, I told him I was extremely uncomfortable with this, and asked him not to go. I begged, actually. I said the deal wasn’t worth this. We’re financially stable and don’t need this contract. But he went anyway. Even after everything I said, he left without me.
Something broke in me. I trusted him with my whole heart. I truly believed he’d never choose anything over my peace of mind. Now I feel like he did. He left me behind. And it hurts so deeply that part of me doesn’t even care anymore — if he comes back, if he ends up with that woman — I feel numb.
A part of me says, “Come on, 10 amazing years — don’t throw it all away.” Another part wants to take off my wedding ring, send him a photo, and file for divorce. So... AITA for asking him not to go? And how do I even begin to deal with these emotions?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Sounds like she purposely excluded you and he fell for it.
No-Musician-8841 (OP)
Yes she did and he knows it. He still went anyway.
Nta. She disrespects your relationship blatantly AND he allows it "for the deal" and proceeded to ignore your discomfort. Instead of addressing your insecurities and anxiety, he still went. I'd be LIVID at such disrespect towards my partner, ESPECIALLY with them right there.
He's a douche for not addressing your anxieties and reassuring you better. I've got BPD, it's incredibly hard for me to feel secure when in a scenario like that. I feel secure with my partner, knowing that they'd put ole girl in her place politely yet with an established venom. He didn't address your concerns in the way a loving secure partner would and that's a problem.
No-Musician-8841 (OP)
Actually he knows how feel and I know he never does anything to make me feel otherwise but after this I dont know. I feel like he chose money over me.
I see no reason why you can’t share a hotel room with your husband on a business trip. You can be occupied seeing sights or whatever when they’re conducting actual business. When I was married we did this all the time, including with kids sometimes, and it was no big deal.
I think you have to decide whether you want to go, and try to do a bit of spying before you announce your presence, or tell him either he’s home tonight or he’s no longer your husband. If it were me I’d want to see for myself how he was behaving, because not knowing would eat me alive. You’re already not trusting, may as well find out for sure….
Since it’s their business I’d be shocked if anyone put up a stink about doing this but I will say that my company specifically says in our company summit/conference outlines that we aren’t to have guests stay with us during the weeks we get together, including family.
Sweetheart, If he is aware of her flirting with him and that you were purposely excluded from the trip and then choses to go anyway, then you have a husband problem. He has just shown to you where you stand in his priorities. You may say its the money but I’d have to disagree being that the business doesn’t really need this account.
He could have said he was feeling sick and that you were the one going in that trip to demonstrate to you that he cares about you, but no, he decided to go and be around a woman that openly flirted with him and has shown that she is interested in him and above all has disrespected you in front of him. Do not allow yourself to be disrespected.
No-Musician-8841 (OP)
Part of me says go and part of me says what you say.
If he's calling, you may want to answer him to see what he has to say. The conversation may give you an idea of how to proceed going forward.
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
First of all, thank you so much to everyone who shared their thoughts. I wanted to update you on what happened since yesterday. I did something I never thought I’d do: I drove to the place where my husband and his team were staying.
Yes, I know — desperate and honestly not like me at all. But jealousy and love can make people do wild things. It was only a 3-hour drive. On the way, Joe kept calling and texting, but I didn’t respond. I didn’t know what to say, and I didn’t want to say something I’d regret later.
When I arrived at the hotel, I didn’t let him know. Inspired by some of your comments suggesting hiring a PI, I wanted to see things for myself. I just needed to know — if something was happening, I wanted to witness it with my own eyes.
When I got there, the group of five was sitting together in the lounge. They seemed to be having a good time — Joe included. But importantly, Joe was sitting far from her, so there was no chance of physical contact.
He was engaging in the conversation but still texting me nonstop. From afar, he looked like he was chatting with someone, but it was actually me — “Please answer me, don’t be mad, talk to me…”
I had planned to just observe. But I couldn’t take it. There was a cafe near the hotel, so I went there and messaged Joe to meet me. He showed up smiling and hugged me tightly.
I was supposed to be strong — to demand answers — but the moment he held me, I just started crying like an idiot. He comforted me for a while. Then I finally asked the question I should’ve asked earlier (and many of you pointed out): Why didn’t he bring me along? Not as a team member — but as his wife?
He said it was because I was already very upset at how she excluded me, and he thought bringing me might escalate the tension. According to him, he’s been handling her flirty behavior by keeping it light and not letting it cross any lines.
Joe believes this woman isn’t even after him — she’s competing with me. He said some people feed off of making others uncomfortable, and she’s one of them. “She chose you as a rival,” he said. “It’s not about me — it’s about her wanting to disturb you to feel powerful.” (That sounds a bit off to me, honestly. She’s a successful CEO. She’s already powerful.)
Still, he insisted that he’s been keeping his distance and not giving her any encouragement. He said he didn’t think this trip would affect me this deeply — and reminded me that over 10 years, I’ve seen women hit on him before, but this is the first time someone has gotten under my skin like this.
He also opened up about how important this contract is to him. He doesn’t want to disappoint his father, and he feels like we might never get another opportunity like this. He asked me to trust him. We went back to the hotel together and had breakfast.
To be honest, I am not as angry as I was the day before. I didn’t even mention divorce during our conversation. I’m still upset, yes — but the heartbreak I felt has eased. I don’t know if it’s normal, but the sharp pain has been replaced by a strange calm. Tonight, we’ll have dinner together as a group.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP's update:
Stay there till the end. It will rub her nose in it without uttering a word to her.
No. Be nice as pie. Friendly even. Show her that her efforts have no meaning. She has no agency. Her competitiveness has no effect. It will drive the other woman mad and also show OP to be a secure woman in a loving and supportive relationship. Everything, in other words, she lacks herself.
I’m so happy for you! At dinner, do not let her see you sweat. Kiss and love on your husband.
ESH, I still think what he did is 100% awful, even if he is not cheating. He is trying to manage you, who is he to make decisions for you? At the bare minimum, he doesn't respect you as a business partner AND he put a professional goal/his daddy issues over your well being/relationship. I'm not saying divorce, but you need mayor counseling.
The fact that your husband didn’t invite you “because you were already very upset” makes no sense. If my partner of 20 years would tell me - for the first time in our entire marriage - that he felt the way you (AND your husband) felt about a colleague and there was no way of getting out of a trip with said person, I would have absolutely brought him along.
I would NOT have left him. My husband will always come first. And I would do whatever IS needed to reassure him. Especially so if this is a first in the entire length of the marriage. So his reasoning makes no sense. But that’s all you.
The OP then returned with another update the following day.
Hi again, everyone. I wanted to answer a few recurring questions from the comments and also share how the dinner went. First of all, I don’t live in the U.S., and English is not my first language.
That’s why I write my updates in my native language and use ChatGPT to translate them so they’re easier to understand. When I respond to comments directly, I type in English myself — so please excuse any grammar mistakes!
As for Joe and me — we’ve been together for 10 years and have worked together for almost 8 of those. Like any couple, we’ve had ups and downs, but we’ve managed to come through without major scars.
Joe has gone on many business trips before, often with other women present, and I’ve never had a problem with that. I’m not someone who panics just because my husband is away on a work trip.
We’ve faced similar situations before and handled them without much issue because we trust each other. But this time was different. As Joe said, maybe it hit harder because this woman was going after me, not him. She was directly trying to get under my skin. And she succeeded. I let my emotions spiral, and things could have gone to a much worse place — I’m relieved they didn’t.
Joe told me that while my doubts and reactions did upset him a little, he understands why I felt the way I did and doesn’t blame me. He said, “If I were in your place, I’d feel terrible too — but I never thought you would believe I’d betray you like that.”
He’s right — I was unfair to him on that front. But he also told me he knows how much I’ve endured for him, and that he’ll work on making sure I never feel that way again. And I believe him.
Now, about dinner — it actually went pretty well overall. Nobody questioned my presence, and Joe told them he invited me. The woman did make a few passive-aggressive comments, though — mostly disguised as jokes.
At one point, she said something like, “If she weren’t always in her husband’s shadow, she could be doing so much more.” Later, she said I was being “wasted” in this company and could thrive at a bigger firm.
I didn’t let it get to me. I smiled and simply said, “You seem to have a great eye for people’s potential.” Some of the others in the group — who I already knew — actually suggested I participate in the final day of work. But I declined. I didn’t want it to look like I was trying to compete with her or prove anything. I told them, “I’m just here for Joe — and for the fun parts.”
If we win this bid, we’ll have to work with this woman for another 5 years — and that worries me. But I also know we won’t be seeing her that often. This contract means a lot to Joe, so I guess I’ll have to learn how to live with it.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP's update:
Gah!!!! 5 YEARS??? Yeah, That makes sense that you're worried. For both yours and your husband sakes..... It's good you won't be seeing her often. Good luck hun!! 💜💜💜
You handled her like a boss. She feels insecure around you now. In her mind, the crap she was doing didn't work on you. She's a pathetic little woman who uses sexuality to get attention and validation. Poor woman. I have a feeling that you'll be updating us more on this, especially if your husband is able to secure the contract. Updateme!
No-Musician-8841 (OP)
Thank you. She is really trying to get me as Joe said. I realised that. The thing is I don't talk about these things to my family or my friends. I loved this place I can share everything and also my private life is private. I really think I would use here and get your opinions on this.