AITA? My husband going on vacation during my third trimester of twin pregnancy.
"AITA? My husband going on vacation during third trimester of twin pregnancy."
I, F37 and husband M39 have been together for almost 18 years. After a fertility struggle and I mean STRUGGLE (miscarriages, D&C, IVF, etc), I'm pregnant with twins. I'm not yet over what I went through physically and mentally to get here.
We have always had a strained relationship with his sister, F37 who lives across the country - 6 hour flight. His younger brother, M23 also moved across the country many years ago.
Husband decided mid-November that he suddenly needed to visit his siblings across the country. While I wasn't thrilled at the idea, to avoid his resentment, I said okay, but it needs to be right away.
He initially proposed mid-December and I said that's too late in my pregnancy. The next day, I started to have complications - major swelling and gestational hypertension. I was put on medications that failed to control the hypertension. Doses were doubled, again failing to really control it though.
My husband booked his flight (for mid-December) only AFTER I was diagnosed with gestational hypertension. Had it been before, maybe I wouldn't feel so much resentment.
24 hours after he left I had to go to the hospital at midnight due to high blood pressure - 180/110 when I arrived at the hospital. I was finally diagnosed with preeclampsia.
I spent several hours alone overnight at the hospital in the labour ward and was prescribed more meds. Both babies had normal heart beats and I was sent home eventually. I've been super depressed and anxious that I'm going through this alone.
He hasn't apologized for not being considerate of my and our babies health when making travel plans. I feel that he could've easily flown his brother and/or sister here instead of leaving me to deal with it all myself.
Most of my family members think it was inconsiderate of him to travel during this time. Others think it was fine and how was he to know I'd be in hospital. I don't know how I'll get past the resentment I'm feeling - AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA he's a complete AH for scheduling this vacation at this stage of your pregnancy even if it wasn't high risk. He's a massive AH for scheduling it now knowing you're high risk. He's literally showing you he doesn't care about you or your twins. I don't think I could get past this either. If it were me, he may come home to a stack of divorce papers to sign.
Especially after all the difficult times you have had. He is a complete AH running away like that because that is what he did. I think a long serious talk is in order when he comes back.
NTA this would be a deal breaker and I would file for divorce. I would tell my nurses that he isn't welcome to see me in hospital or in the birthing room, and I would change my emergency contact to someone, family or friend, who I can actually count on, because he's just shown that you cannot count on him.
NTA. Your husband is a jerrrrrrrk and so are the people who said “how was he to know…..”. Let’s review. 1) third trimester - anything can happen 2) your age = high risk 3) gestational hypertension = added risk.
NTA. This is a great example of fatherhood not becoming real to new dads until the babies are out of the uterus. You two are already parents. That means sacrifices and compromises need to start happening NOW.
Him leaving while you’re in the end stages of a high risk pregnancy is irresponsible and neglectful. He is a dad now, and sometimes dads can’t do everything they damn well please if it conflicts with the needs and safety of their family.
Definitely NTA .... Your husband was insensitive to your needs and to your health and concern for the baby. he had no regard for human life. I don't blame you for being upset. I'd be leaving such a person
I'm going to suggest however that you might need to hold off on that and talk with someone concerning your medical care And consider what is the best for both your health and the health of your two babies. Your health comes first. then you can deal with the other part. good
Is your mother alive? do you have somebody that you could go stay with for the duration of the pregnancy? that probably be your best and get away from the man that doesn't give a crap about you...
Frankly I'd be calling the best divorce attorneys and plan to divorce this jerk and either get him to sign over his rights or limit his access. He clearly doesn't give a rat's behind about your health or your twins.
I can’t emphasize enough what a complete and total AH your husband is, OP. Unless he lost his mind completely, I’m not sure there would be anything he could do for me to forgive him. Whatever you decide to do, best of luck.
Honestly, my heart breaks for you reading this. After everything your body and mind have already been through to get here, you shouldn’t have had to face something this scary alone. A partner is supposed to be your safest place, and being alone in the hospital while carrying his children is not okay.
This isn’t about hindsight or bad luck, it’s about choosing presence when it matters most. Your feelings aren’t dramatic or unfair, they’re completely human. Please leave him for good. You deserve peace, safety, and a partner who never abandons you when you’re most vulnerable.
NTA. He is inconsiderate. Seriously. He isn't showing that he cares much about you or that he prioritizes you.
But you are not able to speak frankly with him and say you don't want hin to go, because you fear his reaction? His "resentment"? That's a red flag. Like a big one. Just how much emotional abuse has he put you through?
Just by your age, this is regarded as a high risk pregnancy. That you are having twins ups that ante exponentially. Has he been excited about the babies, or did he clock out because of all the treatments and disappointments?
Has he ever communicated any misgivings? These are not excuses - just maybe explanations. He should not have gone out of town. This was more than inconsiderate.
Organic_Annual_9672 (OP)
He seems very excited about the babies. I don't know why he can't seem to take our health seriously though. I'm not sure if he's just seriously so uneducated on pregnancy that he doesn't understand the severity of it all.
I'm also honestly a little hurt that his sister would support him travelling during my high risk third trimester, although I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't know about the complications and that he may have not even told her about my pre-eclampsia.
I am sorry for what you went through but this can not be the first time he has put his comfort ahead of your needs. There is no way that man is a good, affectionate, kind person every day and then suddenly became this ultra AH for this trip. From this incident, I don’t really think he likes you or cares for you or is happy about the pregnancy. Be prepared to raise twins by yourself. Obviously NTA.