Husband's best friend kills ducks causing rift between woman and wedding party. AITA?
"AITA? My husband’s best friend killed my ducks and his fiancée kicked me out of their wedding so I pushed my husband into an ultimatum."
NeedleworkerAway2189
Edit up top: -I did not call him a duck killer to her face, just inserted here for sake of story telling. He was given full instructions on how to properly care for the ducks. Visit 2x a day, fill and refill each time, clean the container/ everything during the 2nd visit. He has had experience from helping before.
My husband (28m) and I (28f) went camping for the weekend. We left on a Friday and came home on a Sunday. We trusted our friend (26m) to watch our two cats, dog, and ducks. On Saturday my husband got a call from his friend that one of the ducks died.
Okay, understandable, things like this happen. They were a few weeks old and sometimes they just don’t make it. Sunday morning we come home. The dead duck is still in the container with the other ducks.
A second duck is dying, and the third is hanging on. Their water container was bone dry and their food halfway full. If you know anything about raising ducks, they need to submerge their whole bill in water to keep their mucus membrane wet. If that dries out they can have many complications and ultimately die.
Sobbing, I try to keep the second and third duck alive by placing them in shallow water in hopes they drink, but the second one died. The third one was the only survivor.
As my husband and I were dealing with this he texts his friend questioning how he took care of the ducks. He admitted to barely giving them enough water. I was distraught. Many things in my life have been suddenly taken from me and the timing of this was horrific.
Flash forward a few days, I reach out to our friend’s fiancé (25f) since I have not heard from them since the incident. I thought of her as one of my best friends. I asked if she knew what occurred and she had no idea.
Also, side note, I’m the maid of honor in their wedding. Well, was. I let her know that although she is engaged to a duck killer I don’t fault her nor do I expect her to find any resolution (EDIT: I did not call him a duck killer but pointed out the connection. Since she’s connected to him I wanted to make sure she was not feeling blamed).
This is his problem and not hers. The timing was terrible because we had a bridal dinner coming up. I told our friend’s fiancé that I will not be in attendance due to the recent event and as time passes I will be more active in events, just not right now.
We had a great weekend planned in the future and I was looking forward to that. My husband and I have lost two children within recent years as a well as a few family members so the death of anything in my life absolutely takes me out and brings me back to those days. Everyone in our friend group knows this as well.
A few days go by and our friend’s fiancé texts me saying that she doesn’t like the way I’ve been treating her and that I will be removed from the wedding and uninvited. I have been friends with her since she started dating her fiancée.
We used to go out all the time and hang out randomly, plan her wedding, and getting into whatever made sense for that day. Confused since I haven’t spoken to her since saying I needed space, I agreed and told her she can then pay me back for my dress since we just ordered them a few weeks prior. I also I told her that her and our friend have shown no remorse over what was done.
He killed two of my ducks and has acted like nothing has happened. With no response to that I then told her she made a huge decision that could have been avoided if we were to just speak to one another but I felt as though it was not my job to seek that conversation. If they want to apologize they will, I will not force it. Of course I added in a few other words regarding her terrible attitude towards me.
Since then, our friend has made peace with me and apologized. He’s offered to buy more ducks for me when I’m ready and has proven to not be so heartless. He’s come around and helped my husband with projects and busy work. His fiancé has not said a word, even after I’ve tried to reach out a few times.
Today, we received an invitation in the mail. You guess it, it was a guest invitation for myself and my husband to attend their wedding listing my husband as the best man and myself as a guest.
My husband had no idea he was the best man. When I showed him he was confused. When I was kicked out of the wedding my husband and I agreed that neither of us would attend, but now my husband is set on attending.
Ultimately, I said if he chooses to go to the wedding he chose to support individuals that have disrespected me and as his wife he should not allow that to happen. He says that if he chooses not to go then he will lose a friend for good.
He still has not decided on what he will do. Clearly, one person will be hurt over his decision but I am disappointed that he is not keeping his promise and backing me. Am I the AH?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Appropriate_Buyer401
NTA. Thirsting to death is a horrible way to go and easily preventable. You trusted your husband's best friend to keep your ducks alive, and not only could he not do the absolute minimum by making sure that they have water, he didn't even remove the dead body. I have no idea how people can Y T A this. If someone let my pet thirst to death and showed no remorse, I would also distance myself from their wedding.
itsyagirlrey
To everyone saying YTA- can you imagine if this was about 3 dogs he let die of thirst? If she called him a dog murderer for letting 2 dogs die slowly from no water then Reddit would be calling for his blood. Or if he just offered to buy 2 new dogs as if they were easily replaceable? NTA all the way.
Cswab-Dragonfly8888
NTA. But what are you gonna do if he goes? This won’t bode well for the rest of your marriage. Ultimatums are all fun and games until they aren’t and someone has to be the loser. I am sorry for your losses and I hope you’re healing. I don’t blame you for the ultimatum but I do wonder how your husband can stand next to a man that caused his wife so much grief. Best of luck.
DifferentZucchini3
NTA this is a friendship that’s gone on for as long as it can and I’m side eyeing your husband for being so set on going after what happened. If you can forgive the fiancé for killing your ducks that’s great but I can’t understand why your friend wasn’t more understanding of the fact her finance’s actions hurt you and are why you had to step back for a little bit.
I would be mortified and bothered by the actions of my future husband. Who the heck promises to watch someone’s animals and just doesn’t do basic caretaking and caused my friends pets to be in agony before dying?
annebonnell
NTA your husband needs to support you. He didn't know he was the best man? They're trying to break you up. They may well succeed because if he does go to the wedding I would reconsider this relationship.