'AITA for calling out my husband's friend after he made inappropriate comments about my son's paternity?'
"AITA for calling out my husband's friend after he made inappropriate comments about my son's paternity?"
I (23 F) have been married to my husband, Alex (27 M), for 2 years, and we have a 10 month old son, Dylan. Alex has a friend named Mike (27 M). They’ve been best friends since high school.
From my first encounter, I did not like Mike. He is really childish, likes to be the center of attention, and has a crude sense of humor. It’s like he never got out of his frat boy phase.
All of my husband’s friends are married or in long-term relationships, whereas Mike has never been in a long-term relationship or has brought any woman around. He has also made some weird comments toward me that made me uncomfortable.
My husband has a deep bond with Mike, and they often go on hunting trips or have boys' nights. I’ve never tried to keep my husband from hanging out with his friend, but I have limited my contact with Mike as much as possible since we’ve been together.
Mike came over to pick up my husband to go golfing. I was holding our baby when I answered the door. Mike greeted us at the door, asked to hold my baby, and was cooing at him.
Then he said, “Hey there, man…come to poppa,” and my husband and Mike started laughing. A bit of background: I have brown hair and blue eyes, and my husband has black hair and brown eyes.
Our son’s hair is coming in blonde, and he has blue eyes. Mike has blondish hair and blue eyes. I was a bit caught off guard by it but ignored his comment. Mike then said, “He looks like me. Maybe he's mine,” and my husband and Mike continued to laugh.
I was obviously not amused. I told Mike to hand me my son and then told him, “Not in a million years, and no woman with sense would want you.” Neither my husband nor Mike laughed at my comment, and Mike just made a face before he and my husband left.
Later, my husband told me I “took it too far” with Mike, that Mike was just joking, but I made it personal. I told him those comments were disrespectful to me as his wife and the mother of this child. He then said it’s obviously not true, so why am I so upset when I know how Mike is.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
Ask your husband why Mike's comfort is more important than yours? NTA.
And why Mike was just making a joke and you were attacking?
Mike says: maybe we screwed.
You say: not on your life.
Neither sound like jokes to me but Mike does seem like a frat guy with no future.
Like most frat boy "I wuz jus' kiddin'" types, he can dish it out but can't take it. You weren't the one who made it personal. Tell your husband that you find any man implying you'd have sex with him is personal to you.
You did the right thing. Nobody should insinuate you slept with anyone besides your husband. Your husband should be offended too.
Bellanella10 (OP)
Thank you! Also, my husband is being a hypocrite here. If I made a joke about our baby being for someone else, he would be livid. It's okay for Mike to do it though.
NTA. It was a harmless joke. Obviously a joke...but a joke intended to make your husband laugh as if you weren't even there. In fact, the joke doesn't even make sense if you are there because the implication is that he's been sleeping with you behind your husband's back.
NTA. Yeah, you know how Mike is. That's why you're upset. A joke is only funny if all parties involved are laughing. You were not laughing ergo, the joke is not funny. Also, why is it okay if a joke is at your expense but not at Mike's? So he can dish it but he can't take it? What a baby.
Basically, in the words of Marie from Aristocats, "Ladies don't start fights, but they can finish them!" Mike started the fight by calling you a cheater who would make your husband raise another man's baby. You finished it by shutting down his foolishness.
INFO: What are some of these weird comments he has said previously? Do you believe he says things to provoke you/others? I think understanding his motive is important here.
Bellanella10 (OP)
When we got engaged, literally the first thing Mike said was "darn it. Alex beat me to it! I had the ring and everything.". Literally the first thing. Not "congratulations". He's said other weird things as well.
Are we sure that Mike doesn’t have a thing for you? That is a very weird thing to say. I wonder if there was some truth to that and he can’t help himself from trying to nudge himself in there between you and your hubby.
Think about his comments in the past. If he didn’t like you, they’d be derogatory but in both cases you mentioned, they were about being with you. If it’s not that, then maybe it’s jealousy. Weird, weird, weird things to say in front of your husband, much less you.
Bellanella10 (OP)
Yes, I believe he does or at least used to. He was salty a mutual friend introduced me to my husband and Mike wasn't there, so he would joke my husband stole me from him when we first started dating.
I think some guys can't read between the lines because if the genders were reversed as a woman, I would have called out my friend a long time ago about her feelings about my husband the way Mike does and passes them off as "jokes".