'I accused my fiance of cheating on me and left our house. I'm afraid to go back.' UPDATED 2X

"I accused my (28M) fiance of cheating on me (26F) and left our house."

My fiance and I have been in a relationship for the last 6 years, engaged for the last 2 years and we are about to get married in November 2024. Going to try and not make this long. On Monday I woke up around 2AM to go to the bathroom, as I walked passed my fiance's side of the bed his phone went of with a message. I got curious and looked. The message was from a girl called Angie.

The message said it was good to see you again and I had alot of fun we should do it again sometime. I took his phone with me to the bathroom and read their chats nothing sexual or even flirty but there was a bunch of conversations of meeting up at her place, what they did that day, all the fun they where having.

I remember yesterday that I wanted to do something with him but he couldn't as his sister was in town and they have arranged to meet and hangout for months now, he did invite me along but didn't go, didn't want to take away from his time with his sister. My thoughts immediately went to him cheating on me and I started to ball like a baby in the bathroom.

My fiance came rushing into the bathroom to see what was going on, I was not as quite as I thought I was in the end. When he came close to me and asked what was going on. I told him not to touch me, he looked hurt in that moment and took a step back. I gave him his phone and told him explain yourself through my tears, he took the phone looked and laughed.

Then I saw him laughing, I got up and stormed out locking myself in the spare bedroom. He came to the bedroom and through the door said he was sorry for laughing and tried to explain himself. Before he said anything else I told him to leave. He then left to our bedroom, that morning before he woke up I grabbed some of my things and came to my sister's house.

I have been here since Tuesday morning too afraid to go home. He sent me a message that morning saying he heard and saw me leave but didn't want to stop me because of what happened the night before. Again he said sorry for laughing but the situation was just ridiculous in the moment and his tired brain responded with laughter. I sent back some hurtful thing and that he is a cheater.

He responded with:

Angie is a nickname for my sister Angelina. He told me to confirm with his sister's if I didn't believe him, and told me check FB and Insta if I need proof because picture where posted of there meetup yesterday.

He didn't say anything to the hurtful thing I said to him or anything. But told me the house is open for me to come back anytime I like and when I do we will have a serious conversation about what happened and what will happen going forward. I'm scared to go home, because I feel like he will be breaking up with me and I don't want that.

How can I handle this? I know I was wrong for the way I acted, I acted like a child, I overreact. How can I fix this ? What can I do now?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

ChickenLupe wrote:

HOW did you not put “Angie” and “Angelina” together as the sister of the man you were supposedly marrying?? Especially when he TOLD you he was meeting his sister AND invited you to go??? Sorry Sis but this is your own damn idiotic fault~ SMH Edit: especially since y’all have been together SIX YEARS?? You mean in all that time you’ve never heard her called “Angie”??

Cute_Somewhere2411 wrote:

Even if you hadn't heard him call her Angie before, you knew that his sister's name was Angelina which is obviously very similar and that she was in town and he'd been hanging out with her and you immediately jumped to assuming he was cheating? I'm sorry but this is an absolutely buckwild reaction.

If he doesn't break up with you, you need to get yourself into therapy ASAP and figure out where this knee-jerk reaction came from. In fact, you really should do that either way because this level of trust issue in an otherwise stable 6-year relationship is not normal, unless you're leaving out something huge like past infidelity.

OP responded:

Nothing like that at all. He has always been loving and never hid anything from me. We know the password to every device each other owns.

citygirlsunflower wrote:

I hate to be the AH but I’m curious as to why cheating was the first thing you went too? If he’s never given you a reason to believe he’s cheating and when he was especially clear about what and who he was going to see. I can’t help but feel like there’s some projection/guilt on your end? Idk it just seems insane to me that that’s where your mind went to and that’s how you reacted.

OP responded:

I was cheated on before by my previous boyfriend and found out in an almost similar way.

After receiving a good deal of comments and questions, OP shared a small edit/update on the original post.

Edit: Before someone asks, I have heard him referring to his sister as Angie in the past, but my brain didn't put it together that night. I have been at my sister's house since Tuesday morning too afraid to go home and the only text I have gotten from him so far is asking if I'm okay, and a good night text.

When I tried to talk over the phone, he said "we'll talk when you are home," he won't be doing it over a phone The conversation it to be had face to face.

The comments and criticism kept coming.

wellbehavedhuman wrote:

It sounds like you missed out somehow on emotional intelligence and maturity. As soon as something happened that was slightly outside of your regular emotional environment, you absolutely collapsed with no plan. And I agree with your boyfriend. I can see why he just started laughing, because what else can you do when a fully grown adult is having a temper tantrum over nothing?

I think this is something that you need to educate yourself on, through books, therapy, etc. You'll benefit from strategies and techniques to handle your emotions and feelings in all areas of your life, including career and friendships, so it's a worthy investment.

lordmwahaha wrote:

You make a good point - immaturity aside, this also shows a stunning lack of resilience. OP collapsed entirely the instant she perceived that something had gone wrong in her life. Five days later, and even knowing now that it's not what she thought, she still has not managed to put herself back together.

That's not healthy. She cannot fall apart to that extent every single time there is a crisis. There will be crises that she needs to be functional through.

OK-storage-5033 wrote:

IMO, he is extremely calm, reasonable, and forgiving towards you. You should approach him with gratitude and contrition and have a serious conversation about trust.

The next day, OP shared another update.

I don't know what to do now, my fiance left me. This morning I got ready to go home, before I left, I had a final conversation with my sister and she basically said the same as all of you. During our conversation, the door bell rung and my sister went to have a look at who is here so early on a Sunday. My fiance walked in, and I was actually excited to see him. I went in to hug him but he pushed me away.

I felt hurt in that moment and he asked to speak to me in private. We went up to the guest room where I was staying. I'm not going to say everything we discussed on here but the short of the story is he found it very childish for me to run out of the house without talking to him. He said he could forgive all of that because a misunderstanding happened.

But what he can't forgive is the way I acted and ignored him and hid from him the last week. My insecurities all throughout these years have taken a toll on him and he is done. The fact that a conversation with his sister caused me to do all of this made him see me in a different light.

I did try and explain and he laughed at me saying my reasoning is bulls#$t as not just him, but the whole family refers to his sister as Angie and I know that. He even brought up instances where I called her Angie myself. I tried to tell him that when I saw the messages my mind just went blank and he responded with "stop making excuses, I'm done with this."

He then said it's better to break up because he doesn't see this relationship going any further. I showed him all my stuff was packed and that I wanted to go home today. He just responded "too little too late", he said it as if he was in a movie with no emotions on his face. When he looked at me all I saw on his face for some reason is pity for me.

He said he will be canceling everything and all the money that I spent on the wedding so far will be in my account as soon as he gets the refunds. Before he left he just said, "I hope you will find someone that will be able to handle your childishness and insecurities but that won't be me."

He brought all my thing to my sister's house, him and two of his friends unloaded everything on my sister's lawn and left. What do I do now? I haven't been able to eat the whole day and just keep crying. How can I fix this, I was wrong I know. But it's not fair that he dumped me because of this.

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Render636 wrote:

Saw your update, good on him. Wtf do you mean “it’s not fair” that he dumped you? I understand what he’s saying when he said you’re childish. You literally sound like a toddler stomping your feet and saying “it’s not fair!” It’s absolutely fair.

You disrespected him and your relationship by accusing him of infidelity, not letting him explain the extremely rational explanation, and then hiding at your sisters' house for an entire week just to not face the consequences of your actions.

You need real psychological help if you were cheated on over half a decade ago and still use it as an excuse to be controlling, manipulative, jealous, and childish. I hope you learn from this experience and get the help you so obviously need.

OP responded:

I wasn't. I have been cheated on before and my mind just went there.

DatguyMalcolm wrote:

I bet you weren't cheated on by this guy, who you've been with for 6 years!! Trust goes both ways! Be hopeful that he is looking to work this out, because you need to work on yourself I'd have dumped you if this is a recurrent theme

OP responded:

He dumped me this morning and no, I never thought he would cheat on me. It's just when I saw the text my mind went blank.

Maatable wrote:

The very last sentence of your edit proves that you can't fix it. It was absolutely fair of him for reaching his breaking point after all this. You didn't just fly off the handle, you drew it out for DAYS.

You are completely responsible for giving him the time to realize what the rest of his life will be like dealing with your insecurities, because even this situation hasn't taught you that they're a real problem. Your priority should be working on your self worth and emotional maturity, or your next relationship will go exactly like this one did.

MoonRisesAwaken wrote:

How do you fix this? You can’t. The relationship is over, the only thing you can at this point is work on yourself and your insecurities.

Impressive_Alarm_309 wrote:

Your definition of fair is eternally one sided. A week of ignoring your mistake and refusing to face up and apologize is too much. You provided him a glimpse of his future with you. Where you would refuse to apologize and excuse your mistakes over and over again.

Being an adult means you have to admit you’re wrong. And if you look back at your past with him, I bet you see this is a common thing with you. Him saying “childishness” means that things like this happen often.

Maybe not running away for a week. But how often does he have to bury his own needs to cater to yours? What’s not fair is minimizing your issues and expecting him to look past everything. It’s not fair to make this one sided in a way that favors you and you only. But you can’t see it because you have been so catered to your entire life. It’s time to grow up, kiddo.

Yet another canceled wedding on the books.