'AITA for telling my in-laws that I'll do whatever I want to their grandfather's house?' UPDATED

"AITA for telling my in-laws that I'll do whatever I want to their grandfather's house?"

My (32M) husband and I (29F) purchased his grandparents' estate after both grandparents passed away; he did not inherit it. The family chose to sell the entire estate without claiming or removing any property. The estate was left to the family to receive equal shares among two children and four grandchildren, including my husband.

The family chose to sell and receive the money in equal shares. My husband and I chose to purchase the estate. My (33M) BIL was living in the house as his grandparents had agreed to help him get on his feet after the breakup with his child’s mother.

He has had some life struggles recently and has been unemployed since the birth of his child; his child’s mother supported him before they broke up a year ago.

We agreed to allow him to stay if he contributed to the monthly bills and got up to care for his child and his pets rather than leaving that responsibility to whoever was awake/home. If no one was awake/home, his 3-year-old was left unattended. He refused. I told him he needed to move out, and he refused to move out.

I made it clear it was not an option. I packed all of his and his child’s things and moved them out of the bedroom he was staying in to the garage. My husband’s family then informed me that it was not my place and I had no right.

His mother showed up unannounced at our house to find that I had cleaned out other rooms in the house, and she and two other family members informed me I would not be going through, moving, or getting rid of anything in the home as it belonged to their parents/grandparents and it was not my place.

I responded by saying they were welcome to ask for anything specific they regretted selling with the estate, but this is my home, and I will do whatever I want. They asked that I give them time to come and go through things themselves, to which I said no. If it is not garbage, it will be placed in storage until everything has been gone through, and my husband has kept what he wants.

The rest will be sold or donated; at that time, they are free to go through things. I explained that they would not be contacting any other person who purchased the estate, and it is ridiculous they feel comfortable contacting me with demands.

After I refused to “acknowledge their feelings,” they attempted to have my husband confront me and stop “allowing me to be so disrespectful.” My husband’s response was, “I cannot control her, and this is our home.” AITA?

OP added more context with these edits:

BIL is on state assistance, so the Department of Family Services is already aware of their situation. All involved grandparents are aware of the situation as well. When the child’s mother spoke with us, she stated she works, the baby has always been with dad, and dad has custody, so what is she supposed to do?

The child’s mother also has her own issues. BIL moved in about three months prior to the grandparents both being gone. The estate was in probate and on the market (combined time) for nine months, and we paid market price, no “family discount.” My husband lived with his grandparents from 7 years old until he was 27 years old, when we moved in together.

One day a week, we had dinner with his grandparents at their home to check on them and spend time. The rest of the family live in other towns 30 minutes to an hour away. My husband works outside of the home, and I work at home. We also have three children (my (12M) child from a previous relationship and two of our own) who need to have their own space in our home.

We kept BIL’s pets as he is unable to care for them and offered to have the child stay with us while the parents decide what to do; both parents said no. I do not agree with the family dynamics. My husband’s family has nothing to say I don’t like them, but they enable one another and their children (my husband included) to act irresponsibly and irrationally.

They had nine months to claim items they wanted, and after we purchased, they had 45 days to go through things. Again, anything that is not literally garbage, unusable, or in need of extensive repair is in storage to be gone through for sale and donation.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Wife20yrs says:

NTA. They sold it, you bought it. It doesn’t belong to them anymore. They are not dealing in reality.

lonewolf369963 says:

NTA. Change the locks and install cameras in case they try to trespass.

dana_marie_ph says:

NTA. Like you said, you purchased it. It belongs to you. They have no say. Give BIL eviction notice. Make sure everything is documented. It will be a hard battle but stand your ground!

Difficult_Process_88 says:

Do you really need to ask? You bought the estate lock, stock, barrel and all the junk included. If all those items meant so much to them, they would have taken them before they sold the estate. Jesus Christ on a moped! They are ridiculous! Kudos to your hubby for not taking their side! NTA.

Later OP came back with an update:

My husband contacted the estate attorney and I contacted the sales attorney. We purchased the estate anonymously to avoid this situation (I was unaware of that). The family has no legal right to any property and was informed of that when we purchased the property.

So the family sold all property without the knowledge (we) family purchased it, and they could potentially reclaim anything. They have continued to demand I not go through or remove any property and I have continued to throw trash out and place other items in storage.

I have taken the advice of many commenters, sell back the items the family is asking/ demanding back. We paid for the property and items, they can purchase the items back with the money we paid for said items they want.

Upon purchase we did not continue the “rent free agreement” for BIL and he was “evicted” prior to purchase, the agreement to allow him to stay after we purchased and required a rental agreement for utilities and the understanding he would be responsible for his child and pets, when he refused the new agreement no eviction was needed as it was a property sale (with more than a 30 day notice).

Last edit and update- we purchased the estate for $400,000.00 rounding down. So yes it cost us. (He did receive his 1/6 of the $400,000 which was given directly back to the bank for the loan along with additional funds we saved over the nine months to purchase either this estate or another home).

!!BIL was given the option to contribute to the cost of utilities and his (his child’s and his pets) living costs, get out of bed and care for his child and pets at the time of purchase when he refused that option no eviction was required because he was legally required to vacate when we purchased the estate!!