'AITA for keeping no contact with my sister even after her husband (my ex) died?'

"AITA for keeping no contact with my sister after her husband (my ex) died?"

ElkRevolutionary2577 writes:

When I (22F) was 14, I started dating Jace, who was 15 at the time. We were together for three years. We'd known each other for years, and I always had the biggest crush on him. My sister, Lauren (23F now), knew. She was one of my best friends, and I thought we told each other everything. But Lauren and Jace were cheating behind my back, and Lauren got pregnant.

I didn't know at first—I was actually the first person she told, and I supported her. It was only after she told our parents, and they pushed her to say who the father was, that she confessed. I broke up with Jace, who didn’t care.

He was done with me and wanted Lauren anyway, while Lauren kept begging me to forgive her for hurting me and to still be close to her. I refused, and when Lauren moved in with Jace and his family, it was a relief.

My parents attempted to force forgiveness on me. They took me to a church therapist and had numerous talks with me about Lauren being my sister for life and Jace being just a high school boyfriend.

All it did was push me further away from my parents, and when I turned 18, I moved in with my grandma. I had very little contact with my parents and no contact with Lauren or Jace. They got married just before the baby was born, and I ignored the invite. I ignored them when they had their first and then second child.

Lauren made several attempts to speak to me and apologize again, but I ignored them, and I told extended family that I wasn’t going to change my mind. Some were quick to say I was just a silly child and would regret throwing my sister away.

Others said we were both young, and hurting people’s feelings when you’re young happens—so why couldn’t I hate Jace but forgive Lauren? My grandma always said that nobody was making it better by pushing me.

Grandma stood by me through all of this. When Lauren asked her to help pull off a surprise reunion so she could speak to me, Grandma turned her down. She told Lauren she wasn’t coming to the house as long as I lived there and that she wouldn’t help trick me or do anything crazy like that.

Some of the wider family (my parents included) are mad at Grandma, but she said if Lauren can have her "mistakes" forgiven by everyone else and be allowed to feel and do what she wants, then I should be given the same grace. But it was always argued that the difference was I was ending a relationship for good, while Lauren made “a single mistake.”

Last month, Jace died suddenly. I don’t know exactly what happened, but Grandma got the call about it. Then more calls came, asking me to finally move on, speak to Lauren, and support her as a sister should. I didn’t.

I didn’t go to the funeral, and neither did Grandma, actually. She said even if she had wanted to, she knew the time would be spent trying to browbeat her into forcing me to reconcile with Lauren—and a funeral is not the place for that. So she removed herself from it.

Grandma has been getting s&$t from so many people in the family who think I should have let go of the no-contact rule now that Jace is dead. Since I never respond to family members who think I need to forgive Lauren, they go through her. I hate that she deals with it, but she doesn’t block them because she wants to see just how far they’ll go. She said they’re helping her trim her will—which I find funny, and I love Grandma’s humor.

But I feel awful that she’s getting the abuse the rest of the family can’t give me. It made me want to ask if I’m TA for keeping the no-contact rule with Lauren and if people outside my family think I’m a monster. I have the support of friends and some family.

It’s just... I know we were really young when all this happened. I know that once Jace cheated with Lauren, he would have done it with anyone. So I know it’s not like we would have lasted the way I imagined. But Lauren doing it to me makes it worse because I loved, trusted, and was there for her.

She betrayed me and even leaned on me when their cheating led to a pregnancy. Ever since I found out, I’ve wished she wasn’t my sister. I could never see even a civil relationship between us in the future. But I’m aware that it might make people think I’m TA—and not her—especially now that Jace has died. So, AITA?

Here are the top rated comments.

That-Guidance-8139 says:

NTA, not even close! Your grandma is a legend!

24Rules187 says:

So…your sister willingly and knowingly sleeps with your bf and now she wants forgiveness over a “mistake”? She knew what she was doing and so did he, if she didn't wanna lose the bond you guys had she shouldn't have done it, its her fault and only hers, and if she wants to point the finger at others then continue to keep your distance, its in your best interest clearly, NTA.

OP responded:

Not only that but I would then be expected to be fine with her and him being together, getting married and having kids together. So it was a mistake but one I would have to support.

These-Record8595 says:

Jace dying doesn't erase all of their betrayal. They're still cheaters of the worst kind and your parents and relatives are enablers.

What do you think?