'I am madly in love with my best friend. We're roommates and I don't know what to do.' UPDATED

"I [23M] am madly in love with my best friend [23F]"

So I've been best friends with this girl, Amanda, for my entire life. We were neighbours and our moms were very close. We've both been through the same struggles: single moms, b-llying throughout school. She is my closest friend and she means the world to me.

When we were both 20, our moms kicked us out of our houses. I guess they thought we should "grow up", whatever they meant by that. We ended up finding a place to live together, and have been living together for 3 years now. We graduated college last year and now have decent paying jobs. I've always had a crush on her, but never acted upon it in fear of ruining our friendship.

I've had a couple of GF's, but I never really saw a future with any of them. I guess I was with them just to say that I was in a relationship.

She on the other hand just got out of a relationship. She was with him for 4 years. He cheated on her and left her for some other girl I don't know.

We've both been single for 10 months. I really want to tell her I love her, but I'm also scared as s--t that if she doesn't reciprocate the same feelings, our friendship will be ruined.

Remember, we live together, so it would just add to the awkwardness. What should I do?

TL;DR: Madly in love with my best friend. Don't know how to tell her.

The internet did not hold back their thoughts one bit.

ToTTenTranz wrote:

"Our friendship will be ruined."

Your friendship as it stands now had a deadline the moment you concluded you have romantic feelings for her. How will you react when she finds another boyfriend and you didn't tell her anything?

"Don't know how to tell her."

Sit her down, look her in the eye and say "Amanda, I have romantic feelings for you". The rest will develop on its own.

AurelianaTampo wrote:

"What should I do?"

Tell her. You're not being a good friend by carrying a torch for her. Maybe she feels the same. Maybe she doesn't. But you don't want to be her friend - you want to be her lover.

And until you get a yes or a no, you can't move on with your own life. It may mean that you'll need to move out, but that will happen anyway at some point.

Embrace your inner Shia and JUST DO IT!

Edit: As for how to approach it, just sit her down and say something like "I hope this isn't too awkward, but I've actually had a crush on you for a while now. I didn't want to say anything before while you were in a relationship, but since we've both been single the feeling has really grown. What would you think about being more than friends?"

TheFeelsMachine wrote:

Um...just tell her and get it over with dude. I don't mean to YOLO you here, but it's the best thing I can come up with. Would you rather see if your dream can happen, or spend the rest of your life wondering about it? If you've been friends for a long time, she'd understand if you just communicate it to her clearly. Don't be dramatic, or think you have to pull some kind of grand presentation.

Just be like "Hey, can I talk to you for a minute. We've known each other for a really long time, and a while back I started to have romantic feelings for you. I'd like to be more than friends." See how she reacts.

SinfulPanda wrote:

Show her this post.

You should not have to hide your feelings from someone you are so close too. Talk it out. She may nor may not feel the same way. If she does, take it slow...enjoy the newness of the difference in your relationship.

If she isn't sure, give her time to explore her feelings. If it is a no, tell her that while you cannot help or change the way that you feel, that your love for her has come out of a lifetime friendship and that regardless of how she feels romantically, you will always have her back.

Whether you tell her or not, it is uncomfortable. There are a lot of ways it could go, but people who are so close should be able to discuss issues that might end up being uncomfortable knowing that your friend will understand and love you. I almost said good luck, but I honestly feel that you already have that with such an amazing friendship.

Roughly a week later, OP shared a major update.

So after doing some thinking by myself, I decided to tell her. I told her about this yesterday morning. Amanda was sitting in the living room watching TV and I sat right beside her. I turned off the TV and said we needed to talk. I started talking nonsense for a couple of minutes and she asked what the hell I was talking about. Finally I got right down to it: I straight up told her I was in love with her.

I went on about how much I loved her and how I know her better than anyone else. At this point, I started crying. Maybe it was the fact that I was pouring my heart out to her, but it happened. After I finished talking, she sat there and was silent for d*mn near a minute. I immediately thought the worst; she didn't love me back.

Out of nowhere she says "F, I've been waiting for you to tell me this". This seriously caught me off guard. I wasn't expecting this at all. Apparently she felt the same way I felt about her. She said she always liked me as a friend, but living together made her like me more than just a friend. I told her that we should give this a shot, since we both feel the same way. She agreed and now we're officially a couple.

To cement that, she took my hand and led me to the bedroom. What happened next was the loudest, greatest most passionate s-x I've ever had.

TL;DR Told Amanda I'm in love with her, she feels the same way. We're a couple now.

The internet was deeply invested in the outcome.

cute_penguin wrote:

Yay! So happy for you both! This actually happened to my best guy friend and me, sort of. We had signed a lease to move in as friends and about a month before we were scheduled to move in together, he told me how he felt and I told him I had felt the same for awhile.

We decided to keep our lease and move in together after just a month of dating! Now we have been happily together nearly two years and just bought a house :)

OP responded:

That's awesome! Hopefully me and Amanda get to the point of buying a house together.

ed_lv wrote:

It's really nice to see a happy update at least occasionally.

Good luck to both of you, and hopefully you're as happy as you imagined.

OP responded:

Thanks so much. And yes we're very happy right now :)

Canuck147 wrote:

So I have advice for future you! One of my previous relationships was with someone I had been friends with for over a year before we got together. It was a great relationship - you two are in for a really good time.

Right now everything is amazeballs, but 6 months from now, a year from now, it's really easy to slide into a comfort zone where little things that would never bug you about a friend start to bug you about your girlfriend/boyfriend.

So always keep talking and giving each other the benefit of the doubt. Don't let problems fester. Always keep dating each other and always share the responsibility for the romance. And never stop appreciating how incredibly lucky you two are to love each other.

You two keep being awesome.

[deleted] wrote:

As Archer would say WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

trustmeimahuman wrote:

D'aaaaaaaaaaw! It's not very surprising when love arises from friendship. My bf and I were friends for a few years before we got together. We're going on agonist two years now. Best wishes :)