Different_Daikon_383 writes:
A little family history: I am the third child in my family. My mom had her first baby girl by planning, and my brother was planned too. In my case, I was a surprise for my family. After three months of not having her period and using several heavy pills, she realized that she was pregnant and went to the doctor to "fix" the problem.
The doctor said, "This baby's heart is beating; I cannot take her away." My mom said she was helplessly looking for a family for me because the doctor said, "This child might be r**arded."
Fast forward to my birth, I was totally fine, but my family had money problems. You see, my father was a policeman, and he had to take care of his own family plus his new family. Money was a big problem, and he was in special forces, so stress was really an issue as well.
We lost my father when I was 2, and three days later, I "celebrated" my third birthday. My mom loves celebrating birthdays, but not mine, obviously. After a couple of years, my mom was struggling with depression. She was going to casinos like there was no tomorrow. For a while, we tried to help her, but when my siblings tried to help her, they were "Mommy's little help angels."
But I was met with apathy when I was trying to help her—holding her hair while she was puking, trying to make coffee when she was trying to sober up, saying, "Mom, that's okay, please you need help," when she lost one of our homes—she still refused my help and made comments about "how much I look like my father."
One night, when I was 7 or 8, she came to me and started talking while clearly not being completely right. She said: "You know, a family includes a mother, a father, and two healthy babies. Your father's loss was fixed when you were conceived.
Because we thought you had to die, but your father took your place. Because of you, our family balance was broken. I wish you'd been removed from my body. I'll give you up if I can; I'll do anything to bring your father back."
I didn’t say anything because I knew she wasn't sober. Now I am dealing with several mental health issues. My mom asked me, "Why are you like this? How can a perfectly healthy baby like mine have so many mental health issues?"
As a response, I said, "You never loved me, Mom. Your favorite children left you, but I stayed to help you anyway. I am your guilt resource. You made me like this, never took care of me, never fed me with your love like you should."
She cried and called my sister to tell her that I was misbehaving again. I am 27 now. I am still trying to heal from my father’s loss, my mom’s loveless heart, and my childhood traumas.
SurroundMiserable262 says:
NTA. You're an adult. You need to leave for your own mental health and happiness. You are not responsible for her.
FabiKandela says:
Not the AH. You’ve carried a lot of emotional weight, and sometimes, the truth needs to come out even if it's uncomfortable. Healing's a tough road, but you're doing the right thing. Keep going.
sparklingtwinkly says:
NTA. You’ve endured years of neglect and hurt, and voicing your feelings isn’t "misbehaving." Your mom’s reaction shows she’s unwilling to take accountability. Confronting her about it is not only valid but a step toward your own healing. Her reaction calling your sister to paint you as the villain shows she’s unwilling to face her own shortcomings.
elainel81 says:
You're not the AH. It sounds like you've been carrying a lot of pain and hurt, and it's understandable to express those feelings after everything you've been through.