'AITA for forcing my sister to reimburse me without help from family for her mistake?'

"AITA for requiring my sister to reimburse me (and for telling my family not to give her money to do so)"

Chaotic_Darlin writes:

For context: my (F25) older sister (F29), let’s call her Mary, is currently unemployed. She has a part-time job at her son’s school during the school year and lives with our older aunt rent-free. The few bills that are under her name, like her phone bill, are paid by our parents. My nephew’s father (M31, call him Jacob) has full custody and pays for everything related to their son. Mary does not pay child support because she doesn’t earn enough.

For the long weekend, I went camping at the same campground where Jacob has a seasonal site for himself and my nephew. Mary often joins them for weekends. It’s a nice, quiet campground without the rowdy crowd, so my friends and I booked our own site for the trip.

I brought my fairly new and fairly expensive (for a 25-year-old) paddle board. I tied it to a tree near the shoreline with other paddle boards, kayaks, and inflatables, which is common practice at this lake. It’s a tight-knit community where people know each other and are usually respectful of belongings.

Yesterday, my friends and I went hiking in the morning and were gone for about four hours. When we got back, Mary came over and asked if I was planning to go to the beach soon, and if I was planning to use my board.

I told her yes, and she said, “Well, about that…” and explained that she had taken my board out, dropped the paddle, and it sank. She still had the handle, so my best guess is that because she is shorter than me, she adjusted the paddle height but didn’t lock it properly, which caused it to slip out.

I asked why she took my board without permission. She said she came to our site to ask, but since we weren’t there, she assumed it was fine and used it anyway. I asked if she would let her eight-year-old son take someone else’s property without asking, and if not, why she didn’t hold herself to the same standard. She didn’t have an answer.

She then offered to buy me a new paddle as a “Christmas gift.” I told her I would order a replacement directly from the company, let her know the cost (likely around $70, though I couldn’t check right then), and that I expected her to pay me back once she started working her part-time job again.

Here’s where I might be the problem. I took it a step further and told our parents and our aunt not to give her money for this. I said I wanted the reimbursement to come from Mary herself, not from them, and that I was fine waiting a month if necessary. I wanted her to face the consequence directly. Now she is acting like I’m being intentionally cruel, and I’m starting to feel guilty. Did I go too far?

Here are the top comments from the post.

EnvironmentalSlice46 says:

ESH. You’re sister sucks for obvious reasons. You suck because you can’t really tell people what to do with their money. You can express your preferences but in the end telling them they “can’t” is not your place.

OP responded:

I don’t disagree, but I’d like to point out again that I didn’t tell them they couldn’t, I requested that they don’t because I don’t mind waiting until she’s back at her job to be repaid. Obviously I have no control there, I just still think I may have over stepped by even asking that of them.

lilianic says:

NTA but I don’t think your relatives will listen to you if they’re used to giving your sister money and she asks them for help. I’d just take the money and be happy the situation is over. She’s not going to take anything useful from this situation if someone does bail her out because she’ll have no incentive to improve. Since that’s not something you can control, I’d put it out of my mind and move on with my life if I were you.

Ok-Algae-1326 says:

I don’t think you went too far, but I don’t think that’s the issue. The issue is you cannot control who covers the debt. Sounds like there’s a big dynamic of rescuing your sister that is very annoying and keeps her from having to grow up.

You can ask your family not to bail her out, but you can’t require it. The only power you have is to refuse any money coming from them and hold out for the day she pays you back. I don’t think that day is coming anytime soon. I’m not sure I would hold out to teach her a lesson she has found she actually is not required to learn.

What do you think?