'I am sitting in my RV as my husband rants about how lovely the trip would be without me.' MAJOR UPDATE

"I am sitting in the back of my RV as my husband rants about how lovely the trip would be if I hadn't joined him."

This might be confusing, but I will try my best to be clear.Just to note, this is the first time that an issue like this has come up in our marriage and I do not know what to do. I have been writing romance novels since I was in college. I was a relatively successful author and I have made a living off selling my novels ever since.

I do not make a lot of money, but I do bring home ~$40,000 a year in book sales. This allows me to stay at home during the day so I can write and also make crafts to sell in my Etsy shop. A few years after college, I met Tim and we instantly hit it off. We dated for three years before tying the knot and we bought a house shortly after.

Tim makes his living off his investments and stocks, however, we keep our finances separate. This is because Tim inherited a vast amount of money from his family and before we married, I signed a pre-nup agreement in order to ease his mind. We both contribute an equal share to the joint bank account for bills, then we use the remainder of our money for ourselves.

About a year ago I landed a contract to write part of a romance series. The contract was huge and the payout was over $120,000 for a few months' work. I contributed my share to the joint account and then put the rest of the money into the bank so I could buy an RV. I have always wanted an RV because I love to travel and nothing would make me happier than being able to write while on the road.

Tim is often away on business for days at a time, so the RV would give me an opportunity to get out of the house while he is away. After six months of deciding, I chose a lightly used RV and purchased it from the owners for a great price. When Tim found out I purchased the RV, he was excited.

He has a travel trailer, but it's not the same as an all-in-one RV. He loves RVs and he wanted to immediately take it out for a trip across the state. We took our trip and Tim couldn't stop talking about how much he enjoyed the experience and he started talking about taking more trips together.

I gently reminded him that even though the RV is a fun thing for us to have for vacations, that it's main purpose is for me to have something to do while he is away for business (but that we would be taking plenty of vacations together!). Tim agreed with me and he let it go for a while. The thing is, in the past few weeks, Tim has been badgering me about taking the RV with him on his business trips.

He usually flies when he goes to check his rental properties/visit family and he is normally gone for 4-5 days at a time. We got into an argument because he had to evict a tenant and he wanted to drive the RV across the state in order to do so. I asked him if I could come along, and Tim said he would prefer if I didn't. I then said that if I couldn't come with him, that he couldn't take my RV.

I suggested that he take his travel trailer instead and he got mad and stormed out of the house. About an hour later, he started texting me like nothing had happened and then he said he was taking the RV as if our previous conversation had never happened.

I called him and tried to explain that he had just purchased a brand new pickup and that if I didn't get to drive his new truck in his absence, why should he get to take my RV when I am not coming on the trip?

Tim and I went back and forth and eventually he said I could come along if it meant that much to me. I said I would, and now I am regretting everything. I am sitting in the back of my own RV with a man who won't let me touch the wheel. It has been three days since this trip has started, and all Tim has done is rant about how awesome the RV trip would be if I weren't with him.

It has made me question everything in our marriage, from how we split our finances to how we argue and function together. This is the first time that anything like this has ever happened and I don't know what to do in this situation. He is still ranting as I type this and he's never done that before either.

TL;DR: I bought an RV with my money so I could write/travel in it while husband is away for business. Husband insisted on taking the RV with him without me, I convinced him to let me come. Now he is ranting about how he doesn't want me on the trip while I sit in the back of the RV hating my life.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

onekate wrote:

There is no way these issues are about an RV and a pick up truck. You should get thee to a marriage counselor so you two can get to the bottom of whatever your real issues are.

half-dozen-cats wrote:

As for your real issue, I'm afraid I don't have much advice other than clearly there are larger issues here that probably need professional counseling. You don't want him using your RV, you can't drive his truck, pre-nups and multiple accounts...honestly I had to check back to ensure you said husband.

"and all Tim has done is rant about how awesome the RV trip would be if I weren't with him."

I can't really fathom what his end game is. Why would he need the RV and to be alone?

Bucky2015 wrote:

Tim is a dick. He was fine not sharing when he had nicer stuff but now that you have something nicer he he gets pissy that you won't share. He really just sounds like a selfish AH.

mamaingrouchland wrote:

Wow, your financial setup is kind of awful. It's one thing for a person with a lot of money in accounts to want to have a prenup to ensure that they don't lose that, or someone who owns an established business or significant assets. That makes sense to me.

But when one partner is rich and the other is making a normal living, it seems wrong to me that the rich partner wouldn't want their spouse to have a higher standard of living while they are married. Your husband does sound like a dick.

There is no way in hell you should be paying half of the expenses if your income is way less. He is a selfish b*stard. Why didn't he buy himself an RV, since he can probably do that without batting an eye?

Seriously, I see situations often on this sub where a large inheritance can be a real negative in terms of a person's suitability for marriage, as it makes them paranoid and unwilling to share, where a normal person with a normal working life should be more generous and approach finances with a spirit of togetherness. At least you would have the right to expect that they would.

OP responded:

I didn't mind signing the pre-nup because like you said, he had significant assets he wanted to protect. It only covers the funds he had before he entered the marriage, everything after the marriage is split. Your insight is very valuable, because you're right. It's not as if I do not bring home money or that I don't have a job. I split everything I have with him, but he has been unwilling to share with me.

six_of_swords wrote:

The first major thing you buy with your own money, and suddenly he can't resist having it to himself?

OP responded:

Pretty much. It feels really sh#$ty, to be honest. I don't even own a car because our city has great public transit. The RV is my only vehicle besides my motorcycle.

allthevultures wrote:

I haven't seen anyone else make this comment, and I hope I'm reading more into the situation than is actually there, but it sounds so much like there was an ulterior motive here.....?

Again, I really hope I'm wrong, but is there any way that he could have been planning to do something nefarious behind your back and wanted to use your RV to make it more convenient? I mean, it's got a bed in it.

OP responded:

It crossed my mind, I won't lie. If he is, it makes this situation a lot easier, because then I will just leave.

A few weeks later, OP shared an update.

I promised I would update, but things got very hectic and this is the first chance I have gotten. This whole situation makes me very emotional, so please forgive me if this post is not as coherent as I would like it to be. When I posted my first post, we were on the road in the RV and my husband was giving me the cold shoulder while he b#$ched at me from the driver's seat.

You all had some great advice for me about what I should do, and I listened to a few people who suggested that he might be cheating on me. Tim had left his iPad in the back of the RV to charge while he drove. I'm not proud of this, but I was able to sneak his iPad into the bedroom while he was distracted by the road.

He was logged into his email account and I quickly skimmed over his inbox but didn't find anything suspicious. I then had the idea to check his sent folder and found out that he had been chatting up his ex from college. It made me sick to my stomach to read the messages, but luckily they had not yet been physical.

Translated from chatspeak, the message he had sent his ex was basically: "I can't wait to get my hands on you! It's been years since I felt that mouth. I'm excited!"

I was disgusted, but I tried to keep calm. We were on the road headed to another state and we planned on stopping at his mother's house.

I knew that if his messages were in the sent folder, that meant that he had deleted them. Tim was not planning on being caught and was trying to hide his tracks. He wanted my RV so that he could take his ex around the state and have fun without leaving a credit card trace. I took photos of the emails and sent them to myself in order to preserve the evidence.

I then went back to the front of the RV and acted as if everything was fine. I apologized (don't worry, I lied) for how I had acted and suggested that we ask his mom to help us work through this. Tim said that he was sorry and that he accepted my apology. He said he was looking forward to using the RV in the future and that he was glad I had come to see reason.

I smiled and nodded but on the inside I was cursing his existence. We made it to his mom's house and I made up an excuse about having to change because my clothes were wrinkled. Tim went inside without me and I started throwing all of his clothes and belongings into a trashbag. I then went inside the house and Tim was sitting with his mom in the kitchen.

He asked me what I was doing with the bag and I told him that I was giving him his clothes so that I could leave. Tim then got angry and asked me what the f#$k was I doing and his mom was simply confused. She asked me what was going on and I told her, "I'm not sure myself. I'm waiting for Tim to explain why he was planning to cheat on me with his ex."

Tim's mom then started to cry and yell at Tim while he tried to calm her down. I know Reddit does not have a lot of love for religion, but Tim's mother is a fundamentalist. She had loved me from the minute Tim introduced me to her and it would be an understatement to say that she was very upset with her adulterous son.

Tim never tried to apologize to me, instead he chased after his mother saying he was sorry to her. This made her cry harder, because she knew that he wasn't even trying to make amends with me, he was just apologizing to her. She hugged me and told me to just go home and she would handle her son.

I thanked her and took the RV keys from Tim (this ended up being a minor wrestling match) and left. I drove home crying, but at least I got rid of my AH ex-husband. Tim called me the next day and begged me to come back to him. He said it was all a mistake, that he was sorry. I asked him why he didn't apologize at his mother's house, why he didn't say he was sorry when I was handing him his bag.

I told him that he didn't care about cheating on me, that all he cared about was how bad it made him look to his family. He tried to explain himself, but I cut him off and hung up. I blocked him on all social media and haven't heard anything since. I have gotten a lawyer and have already started the divorce process.

The internet expressed a lot of support for OP.

RememberKoomValley wrote:

Wow, complex feelings on this one. There's the "Ouch, that's awful!" but also an overwhelming "BUT THANK GOD she's getting the f#$k away from that AH!" I was concerned that you might stay with him for another year or two until the marriage gave its last gasp. This is surely painful, but cleaner. And you haven't ever got to think about the other woman being in your(!) RV.

OP responded:

Finding out he was cheating made it an easy decision. It was like, "Okay. He's cheating on you and he doesn't give a f#$k. You don't have to give a fu#$k either now." It would be much, much harder if he was simply being an AH. Luckily, he made the choice for me!

[deleted] wrote:

Ouch. Silver lining in this, is now you have the RV to yourself and can find a better partner in the future.

I'm also glad his Mother took your side, and was upset with him for cheating. You should definitely keep her in your life after the divorce.

OP responded:

Yep! I'm going to have a blast driving around without him and the bonus is that I don't have to pay for a hotel!

I love his mom and I'm so happy she defended me. She's such a no-nonsense person and I hope I find out what she did with him.

Skylighter456 wrote:

The f#$king NERVE of your ex; to not only plan to cheat on you, but to try to do it in YOUR RV. That you paid for! Jesus fu#$k what an AH.

On the plus side- you seem like an awesome and strong person. I hope you find someone equally awesome to make happy memories in the RV with.

daguro wrote:

Ufff, da! Sorry that happened to you. I hope you can get through the divorce without it wrecking you. If I can offer any advice in that regard, just try to focus on the life you want to lead in the future and how the step you take today lead you to that. Good luck.