'I asked my girlfriend's best friend on vacation with me when my girlfriend cancelled.' UPDATED

"I (M26) asked my girlfriend's (F26) best friend (F26) on vacation with me when my girlfriend cancelled."

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years now. She has a best friend who is always around and we have become friends over that time. My girlfriend and I had planned a vacation in August. Its a month long trip and something we've been planning for years. We both get very good vacation time so it wasn't a problem. Something came up with her work and now she cannot go.

My girlfriend's best friend is between work right now and I know she's always wanted to go on a similar trip. I asked her to go and she said she'd love to. She needs cheering up as she's been very down about her job loss and job hunt. I hadn't mentioned the plan to my girlfriend before hand and when she found out she was pissed.

She doesn't want me to go on the trip with her best friend. She thought I would take one of my best friends or my brothers, but most of them are working and wouldn't have been able to go even if I asked. She says she can't support the two of us taking her dream vacation without her and its weird that the two of us are planning to vacation alone together. She's barely speaking to me now.

I know that it was hard for my girlfriend to miss this, but it wasn't my fault and I needed someone else to go with. I know I should've discussed it with her beforehand, but I was so upset about trying to find someone to go with, I didn't want to waste any time asking her friend.

TL;DR: My girlfriend cancelled on our vacation so I asked her best friend to come instead. Now my girlfriend is pissed at me. Is this really that weird? I don't want to waste this vacation time and vacation. Thoughts?

The internet had a lot of thoughts.

Cherpyderp wrote:

This is VERY weird. You f#$ked up big time, buddy. This is wholly something you should have discussed with her ahead of time. How would you feel if she were going on a month long trip with another dude? I get that you are friends with her friend, however there are certain standards and boundaries one must abide by. You just totally overlooked that.

OP responded:

I know I should've discussed it with her. I was excited when her best friend started saying how she wanted to do that trip, too, so I asked her. And I thought because it was her best friend she'd be okay with it.

[deleted] wrote:

Sooooo... you asked the friend before asking your GF if this would be OK? LPT: dont make big decisions without consulting your partner, and don't take other women on romantic holidays, however platonic your friendship with them may be. Moving forward, er, nope. I got nothing. Let's hope the friend is in to you, because you've probably lost your GF here.

OP responded:

I thought it would be okay because it was her best friend.

YouKnowYourCrazy wrote:

Um no. She's still female. How would you feel if your GF went on this trip alone with one of your best friends? You'd feel doubly betrayed. You also not only did not ask her how she would feel about it before you invited the friend, you then didn't even tell her after the fact.

So of course she thinks there is something shady going on. I'm surprised she hasn't dumped you. This is incredibly inconsiderate.

PurplePurple wrote:

"A month alone with another woman on a dream vacation."

Let that sentence really sink in. She may be a friend of yours and she may be your partner's best friend...but a month is a long time to run off with someone.

Also, I know that maybe you don't plan on anything happening - but 'she needs cheering up' and 'always wanted a trip like this' just screams hot s*x to me. This is going to be a bonding experience. Most would be uncomfortable with it.

I don't care how certain you are that this would be platonic and innocuous, this is just a little too much right here. The fact you didn't check with your GF before asking, might look suspect to her.

satansniece22 wrote:

Uh yeah, this was a BAD move. Cancel the trip, and try to salvage what you can with your GF if she is still willing to move forward in the relationship.

OP responded:

This is a trip I have wanted to go on for years now. I already asked for the time off. I don't want to waste it. I would rather try to find someone else to go with, but I feel bad since I already invited her friend and she thinks she's going now.

The next day, OP shared an update.

UPDATE: I met with my girlfriend's best friend. I told her that the trip made my girlfriend uncomfortable and I could understand why. I said that it would be better if I went alone and I apologized for inviting her and disappointing her.

She got really upset and starting going off about how she screwed up her friendships with my girlfriend and me like she screws up everything; how she is terrible at her job and that's why she was fired; how she's going nowhere in life; how she'll end up alone.

She told me that sometimes it's hard to speak to my girlfriend since she's always so positive and nice about everything, but she also has a very good life, good job, nice boyfriend and she was jealous of that.

She admitted she was looking forward to this trip as a recharge for her, but agreed not to come. She said I was a good boyfriend and hoped she could find someone like me soon (I disagree with this completely, but oh well). We talked for awhile and I just got back.

The comments kept coming in response.

TestUser_Name wrote:

Dear god NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. You blamed your GIRLFRIENDS FEELINGS? Instead of ADMITTING it was simply inappropriate and you should never have asked? You have probably irreparably damaged your GF's friendship with her best friend. Congratulations.

PS: It's also obvious from this girl's response how incredibly inappropriate this trip would have been - from her reaction there is a 90% chance she would have made a move on you during the holiday.

GingerSnapAye wrote:

You used your girlfriend as the scapegoat? That was unfair and cowardly. Why do you care SO much about the friends feelings I'm not saying be horrible to her, but your girlfriend is the priority. The fact that going on the trip with anyone, rather than going alone, makes your girlfriend sound disposable. Wasn't it supposed to be something special for the two of you?

I also agree with the other comments regarding the appropriateness of the friend accepting. My best friend is male. We have been friends for 7years. I have been in relationships and been single during our friendship. At no point would I ever go on holiday alone with him.

He would never ask either! Not because something would happen. It wouldn't. However, it would feel disrespectful to his partner (and mine) and frankly I would find it a little weird. Holidays are usually quite romantic and he is like my brother. I'll just make it clear, she became my good friend too.

They are now the parents of my Goddaughters. This isn't about lack of trust. It is about respecting boundaries. It doesn't really seem like you understand why what you did hurt your girlfriend. It seems like you are just agreeing to follow the majority.

DudeBroFist wrote:

They say you shouldn't attribute to maliciousness what can be attributed to stupidity instead, but that would mean OP is one of the dumbest people to ever live so I genuinely don't think that can apply here.

RachellsNinja wrote:

“She said I was a good boyfriend and hoped she could find someone like me soon”

Yeah, that wasn’t an innocent comment my guy, especially not after everything else she said.