'AITA for bailing on family dinner after my brother's fiancé kept trashing my cooking?'
"AITA for bailing on family dinner after my brother's fiancé kept trashing my cooking?"
I’m 29F and have been cooking for my family basically since my mom got too sick to keep doing Sunday dinners. I’m no Julia Child, but I put in effort, and I honestly thought it was one of the good things about our family. People always told me how much they looked forward to it. That changed when my brother brought his fiancée, Katie, into the mix.
I don’t even know where to start with her. The first dinner she came to, she asked if I used frozen food because it tasted like cafeteria lunch. I thought she was maybe just nervous or awkward, but over time it only got worse.
The lasagna was “too greasy.” The bread was “bad for people with brains.” My birthday cake was “probably from a box, right?” And every time she said things like that, the rest of my family just did the whole “oh, Katie just says whatever’s on her mind” routine and shrugged it off.
Last week, I made lemon chicken, and before I even put plates on the table, she said, “please just don’t overcook it like last time.” I snapped. I told her that if she hated my food so much, maybe she should host. Then I left, went home, and spent the night texting my best friend about how much that sucked.
Now my mom says I’m ruining tradition and being dramatic. My brother keeps blowing up my phone, saying I have to apologize to Katie for embarrassing her. My dad just says, “ignore her,” as if I could tune it out and keep cooking while she keeps tearing me down. Maybe I should be less sensitive, or maybe I should have said something sooner. I honestly don’t know.
I miss when Sunday dinners actually felt like a family thing. Right now, I just don’t want to be the target for someone who never helps out but makes me feel awful every time I try to do something nice. So yeah, am I wrong here?
OP posted an update the same day.
Hey, just wanted to add a quick update since some wild stuff went down after I posted. I actually made a list of all the rude things Katie has said and sent it to our family group chat. I asked, “Is this really what we want Sunday dinners to be like?”
No surprise, my brother lost it and said I was trying to turn everyone against Katie. My parents finally admitted some of her comments were out of line, but mostly they just wanted me to keep the peace. The whole conversation was a mess.
So I told them I’m out for now. They can figure out food next weekend. I’m going to enjoy a drama-free Sunday for once. Thanks for all the suggestions and support. It really helped me stand my ground.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
allergymom74 says:
NTA. Say Katie needs to apologize to YOU for criticizing you every single time. And if the family agrees with her assessment of your food, you won’t cook. You are absolutely right. If she hates the food, SHE can cook. I’d not go to family meals until SHE apologizes genuinely and someone else starts cooking.
OP responded:
Honestly, this is exactly how I feel. I’m not asking for anything wild, just basic respect. If the family thinks her behavior is fine and backs her up, then honestly, I’d rather not cook for any of them until someone actually acknowledges how messed up it is.
ProfessionalField508 says:
NTA Don't cook for them again at least until you get an apology in front of the whole group. They don't want you rocking the boat with her, but you're the one going to a lot of effort to make these meals happen. They should be pressuring her to apologize, not you.
OP responded:
Exactly. I just want my family to actually have my back for once. It’s wild to me that I’m the one expected to smooth things over when she’s the only person being openly rude. If they were half as worried about her behavior as they are about keeping things "normal," dinners wouldn’t even be an issue.