'I begged for an open relationship, eight months in he leaves me. Can I fix it?' UPDATED 3X
"I (25F) begged for an open relationship, 8 months in he leaves me."
I (25F) begged for an open relationship, eight months in he leaves me. Eight months ago I (25f) asked my partner 28m) for an open relationship as I got bored with him, (nothing wrong but he just didn't excite me much) and he agreed.
But he proceeded to tell me there's a catch, "if he catches feelings for a partner he's going to leave me for her" and that's exactly what happened and I want him back in my arms. He left me for his new partner (28-29ishF). What can I do to win the love of my life back??
The commenters did not hold back.
Darkendskies8 wrote:
NGL that's the ultimate reverse card for this situation, big ups to your ex.
OP responded:
Really?
Profession6265 wrote:
Haha! Good for him! Get a therapist to help you work on yourself so you learn to end an unhealthy relationship instead of pretending to be poly.
OP responded:
I have been in and out of therapy for at least a year now
doolie wrote:
Yes, really. You played yourself. He didn't excite you so you asked for an open relationship and now you want him back when he caught feelings for someone else while in the open relationship that you asked for in the first place. You only have yourself to blame for this one. You should stay single for a while and grow up.
OP responded:
I don't want to be single, I want to prove to my BF I can be better now!
PaychecksDK wrote:
🤣 Open relationship 🤣 phew I needed that laugh...but seriously though kudos's to those who are able to make it work, but seriously you OP need to stay away from your former SO. An open relationship is no way to "fix" a relationship, you may have loved him at the start, but when you decided that that was what you needed it ended your relationship.
He is hopefully now in loving commited relationship with someone who loves him for him and not a toy you get bored with. You need to move on, maybe work on some inner insecurities in order to have a loving relationship with another person down the line. Good luck for what its worth.
OP responded:
I can't, he's my entire life, we were the kids next door, elementary buddies, Hs sweethearts He and I are one!
[deleted] wrote:
It sounds like he warned you clearly that he didn’t want an open relationship and would use the opening of yours as a chance to meet new people to move on with, and you ignored him. There’s really no fixing this without a time machine.
OP responded:
Why'd he wait 8 months to leave me then?
Three days later, OP shared an update.
Probably nobody asked for this, but here's an update I was kicked out of his house last Sunday, that's 6 days now And I excruciatingly miss him, I will do anything to get him to return to me but he looks happy on social media with his new partner that I'm pretty sure he was cheating on me with.
Anyways I tried calling him, no answer, I saw him in public And he pretend to not even know who the hell I was, he won't acknowledge my existence, so I went to our former place just to talk, and things got hostile, his new Gf hates me for some reason, I didn't even know her, and she proceeded to try and attack me, while he tried to split us up And get me out the door.
When he had his back turned she MACED me. And now HE'S trying to file a restraining order on ME! The hell did I do wrong? She attacked me and pepper sprayed me. How can I convince him he's dating a psychopath?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
Pingish wrote:
Why do you want someone who you are:
"bored with him, (nothing wrong but he just didn't excite me much)"
OP responded:
I just wanted us to have no strings attached relationships so when we got back together, the spark would be back.
[deleted] wrote:
You got what you wanted and if anyone sounds like a psychopath it's you whose stalking their ex, seek some mental help or do some inner reflection but most importantly leave the man alone and move on.
OPresponded:
Stalking?, I previously lived at that residence.
[deleted] responded:
Are you still a resident there? No you're not, he's the owner of the property and yes it's stalking continue to press it and he is well within his rights to have you trespassed.
OP responded:
Our names is on the lease, and he hasn't bought out my half!
Ponchovilla18 wrote:
So I hate to say it, but you are responsible for him leaving you and you need to just let it go. I saw your original post, but you can't sit there and say you got bored with him, wanted to screw other men, then he finds someone he falls for and leaves you and now you're trying to get him back.
I'm sorry, but you can't have your cake and eat it too. This is why people need to truly think about an open relationship because if you're just trying to get your rocks off, well its called talking to your partner about your needs instead of just saying you want other men. At this point, it's over, you need to accept it and just go on with your life.
OP responded:
My life's over. Before I opened my mouth, we were having the marriage and children talks.
Underworld_Denizen wrote:
And if it was an open relationship, then how was it cheating?
OP responded:
Because he left me within eight months, that's way too fast!
Mishy162 wrote:
You brought this all on yourself. He didn't cheat on you, you asked for an open relationship. This is the result. He dumped you for someone that loves and respects him. The only course of action you have open to you now is to walk away and get therapy.
OP responded:
I'm in therapy already.
A week later, OP shared another update.
This will probably be the last update, The restraining order has been filled, and I am not allowed within 100 ft of my ex Harry and his new GF Jess. I'm planning to move back to my home in Arizona and start over, they're happy, and I just want to find peace with my self Thanks for everyone's advice and opinions, Yes I was already in therapy, and I am still in therapy
Please, anyone my age or younger listen to my advice TikTok is not cool, please delete it, it's done me nothing but harm, and other people's stupidity can really poison your minds, I'm living proof.
Thank you, take care!
The commenters did not hold back one bit.
Wtfifthisweirdbs wrote:
To recap:
* you wanted an open relationship * he said yes, but told you if he felt a connection with someone else then he would do the right thing and break off your relationship rather than have an emotional affair * you agreed *
He felt a connection with someone and realized you're insane * he was upfront with you that he wanted to end things * you blame wanting the open relationship on your ADHD because you were "bored" * you then try to claim he cheated when you're the one that wanted the open relationship
* You went to his house to start a fight * when you wouldn't leave their place, she rightfully maced you to make you leave * you call her a psycho even though you're the one that harassed them constantly * you think he was wrong for getting a restraining order against you even though you're the aggressor * you're now blaming TikTok for your actions. Did that sum it all up?
ergatster1213 wrote:
So, you're still passing your responsibility for your own behavior on to TikTok? That's absolutely not the message you should've taken away from this.
[deleted] wrote:
This all started because TikTok told you to open your relationship? 😂
Honestly, though, I hope you’re able to build yourself a solid mental foundation before falling into another relationship.
Over two years later, OP shared another update.
potential_stomach_10 wrote:
This is glorious, you are an absolute nutjob!
DeniedAppeal1 wrote:
And here you are, still blaming everyone else for your own actions. Do your future partners a favor and stay single until you're willing to accept the consequences of your actions.
wishingforarainyday wrote:
Why are you still this obsessed two years later about a guy you said didn’t excite you much? Seems like you got much more interested once he wasn’t available to you any longer. I think it’s more that you want what you can’t have.