'I bought a cow; my wife stole half for her sister. Am I wrong to take the cow back?'
You can't pick your family. Unless you're talking about marriage, then you can pick your family. When you marry someone, you not only marry them, but you marry their family, so choose wisely. On a popular Reddit thread in the Am I the A**hole Subreddit, a man seems to have buyer's remorse with the family he married into.
AITA for taking back our groceries that my wife gave to her sister
Families that finance separately stay together...I think.
My wife (30) wife has a younger sister (28) with four kids. My SIL is a married stay-at-home mom, and her husband (31) works 35 hours per week. Money is tight for them, but they still go on annual vacations, drive newer cars, etc. My wife and I keep separate finances except for a joint credit card and household bill. I also do most of the grocery shopping. This is relevant for later.
The avocado toast is just better in Mexico.
A couple of years ago, I found out my wife had been buying groceries for my SIL on our joint card (about $150-$200 per month for a few months). She said that her sister had come to her saying they were tight on money and that she needed help feeding their kids. This was about a month after they returned from their most recent vacation in Mexico.
This is what separate finances are for.
I told my wife in no uncertain terms that I was not supporting their family. She argued with me, saying that we could more than afford it. I replied that I didn’t care if she wanted to help them, but that was her business. My wife stopped buying them groceries on our joint card after, but I'm sure she told her sister because SIL has been standoffish since.
I didn't even know that was an option.
Grocery costs have increased in the last few months thanks to inflation. As a cost-saving measure, I bought a whole cow for about $4K (which works out to about $9/lb and will last us more than a year), and my wife and I split the cost.
There's a mouse in the house.
Yesterday I went to the freezer to pull some steaks and saw the beef was visibly lower. I checked our security cameras and saw my wife leaving the house with a big box. I texted her, demanding if she had taken a bunch of our meat to SIL, and she replied yes.
OP is here for justice.
I grabbed SIL’s keys (we have a copy), drove to their house, knocked on her door, and when SIL answered, I told her that I was taking back what my wife brought over.
That's a lot of meat.
SIL protested, saying I was taking food out of her kids' mouth, but I said I don’t care. She already had one roast in the oven, I went to their freezer, and they had about 40-50lbs of ground beef, steaks, and roasts from our cow, including a few prime rib roasts. I grabbed it all except the roast in the oven and drove home.
OP is going to start calling his wife the 'Hamburglar.'
My wife yelled at me, saying she couldn’t believe my selfishness and that SIL called her crying. She also said she paid for half of it to do whatever she liked with her half. I yelled back, saying you don’t get to decide to give away anything that we pay for together and said she acted like a thief for doing it behind my back.
OP wants to know if the 'Hamburglar' was him this entire time.
My wife is still angry at me and says until I apologize to her sister. Return the meat I took back and apologize for calling her a thief; she won’t speak to me. I may be the a**hole because my wife pays half the groceries.
Queenofdamagegoods says:
Hmm, I think that SIL is lying to your wife. They take vacations. How does your wife not see that she is playing her? Next, if she is hurting for food, there is help. NTA (Not the A**hole). But you shouldn't have called your wife a thief. She was in her mind helping.
Unit-00 says:
NTA, die on this hill if need be. At least you'll have more cow to eat.
Puzzled_Draft_9556 says:
NTA. I would've done the same thing you did. Your wife can only be pissed off at herself for doing what she did. Your SIL is not hurting for money as much as she says she is. She is probably trying to take advantage of you to save some money for stupid sh*t.
ChargeFluffy8515 says:
NTA. Both of you paid for it; it is assumed that it would be used to feed YOUR family. OP's wife is free to help her sister, but she should not force OP to do it. She forced him to do it when she took something both of them had paid for and gave it away.
If she wants to help her, which is perfectly understandable, she should do it out of her own money, not the joint bank account. If the wife wants OP's help in this issue, she can try to convince him to chip in, but OP is free to say no as well...
justputonashirt says:
NTA.
'...she won’t speak to me.'
Enjoy the quiet.