'AITA for telling my friend why I don't want to date him and subsequently 'breaking' him?'
"I told my friend why I don't want to date him, and our friends are saying I broke him, AITA?"
bestiez_ writes:
So my friend of ten years, Mark (not his real name, 23M), called me yesterday and asked to meet him for lunch because he had something important to discuss with me. I’m 21F. I had free time, so I agreed.
I met him there and joined him. We had lunch and talked a bit about random things. Then he cleared his throat and started speaking. He first told me, “I don’t understand why you’re dating your boyfriend when I’m a better match for you.”
I asked him to explain, and he basically went on about how he liked me first and met me first, how he’s better looking, knows me better, is taller than my boyfriend, and more successful. (That last part isn’t really true. My boyfriend works and also grew up in wealth, while Mark’s entire life is funded by his parents’ money.)
He told me he doesn’t understand how I can be with my boyfriend when he’s always been around waiting for me. I was at a loss for words and asked if he wanted me to be honest. He said yes.
I told him that I would never want to date him because of the way I’ve seen him treat his past girlfriends. He ghosts them whenever he feels like it and just expects them to wait around for him. I said he’s too immature and irresponsible for me, and dating him would be exhausting.
I also explained that those reasons were why, over time, I started putting distance between us as friends, because I didn’t like the way he treated the women in his life. When I finished, he was just quiet.
He excused himself and left. I went home and went about my day. Later in the evening, our other friends started asking what I had done to Mark, because he’s been a wreck since lunch, drinking and not telling anyone what happened. I explained to them what happened, and they said I was harsh and that I broke him. Blah blah blah. But I think someone had to tell him the truth. So now I'm wondering, am I the AH?
Here are some of the comments from the post.
TopAmphibian7220 writes:
You didn't break him. His ego is just bruised. Rejection is a part of life and it's on him to learn from it. NTA. P.S He did ask you to be honest, and you gave him exactly that.
kathryn_sedai says:
NTA, even if you had kind of liked him, I feel like declaring his feelings by being rude about your current partner is such a turnoff. He doesn’t say anything meaningful or romantic about you, just that he thinks he’s better than your actual bf so you should dare him instead. So entitled.
bmw5986 says:
NTA. He literally talked about you and treated you like a piece of property. That alone would be eougn to say not interested. The fact that this is how he treats all his prior GFs shows you who he is.
Anyone who claims telling him the truth "broke him" and you were "too harsh" is not someone you want in your life either. I would stop being friends with all of them. You are the company you keep.
aluminumnek says:
NTA. You were honest and he couldn’t handle the hit to his ego. Good for you for being direct with him. Time will tell if he learns from that talk. It seems like he needed to hear it. Hope your relationship with your current boyfriend works out for you.
What do you think?