'AITA for buying ice cream when my husband asks me not to?'
"AITA for buying ice cream when my husband asks me not to?"
Historical_Toe2135 writes:
My (45f) husband (45m) and I have been married for 20 years. He has never been overweight and has always been concerned with how his body looks. He works out daily, avoids burger buns, takes supplements, and so on.
It’s nice that he’s in shape, but I don’t notice the small fluctuations in his weight or appearance that seem to bother him. I’m in perimenopause after three kids, so while I’m not overweight, our bodies don’t really “match.”
Here’s the problem: at the end of the day, he gets a sweet tooth, and if there are sweets in the house, he will eat them. He especially loves ice cream and gets upset if I bring it into the house. He has often asked me not to. I don’t want to disrespect his wishes, but I never agreed to be responsible for managing what he eats.
Our adult son’s girlfriend (they live together a couple of miles away) loves a sweet treat after dinner and is celiac, so ice cream is the easiest choice when they come over. I handle all the grocery shopping and cooking in our household, and when they visit, I usually pick up ice cream.
We are going to Mexico next month, and he wants to be in the best shape for the trip. Last night, after the kids left, he was upset with me for buying ice cream and demanded that I not buy any more until after our trip. It turned into a fight, and now we are both frustrated.
I feel like this would be a different story if I were bringing home huge cartons of his favorite flavors every day to tempt him to break his diet, but that’s not my intent. We’re talking about once a week, maybe two pints (Talenti, Ben & Jerry’s, etc.) to be shared, and I even choose flavors he finds less appealing.
It would be different if he were overweight or unhealthy, or if he were in charge of shopping and I were sabotaging his efforts. Or if I had agreed to help him manage this. But none of that is the case.
I make my own money, and they’re my kids too. I am allowed to buy what I want. I feel like if he doesn’t want to eat it, he just shouldn’t eat it. It’s just a little ice cream, this isn’t the same as bringing alcohol into the house of someone who struggles with addiction. What do you think? Am I the bad one here, or is he?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
snarkycrumpet says:
Just buy a giant family bag of frozen broccoli, cook it, then use the bag to hide the ice cream inside in the freezer.
filaffal says:
NTA, your husband’s relationship with food is his responsibility, not yours. You’re not forcing ice cream on him you’re just buying groceries for the house and guests like a normal person. He can choose not to eat it. You’re not his diet police.
Ok_Tale5523 says:
It sounds like your husband has an eating disorder. If he can't control whether he eats the ice cream or not when it's in the house, that's an issue. I don't think bringing it home makes you a jerk, but I do think you should take a good long look at how your husband handles food.
send-me-mean-DMs says:
I think the issue is not just the ice cream. He sounds prone to binge eating and that can be really stressful. I would sit down and talk with him about what you can both do to make it work.
Obviously he’s not the only person living there, so having nothing in the house that’s sweet is a bit much. You’ve been married 20 years. There’s a compromise to be had here for sure. You two just need to talk through it.