'AITA for calling my friend's fiancée a Disney villain for treating his son terribly?'
"AITA for calling my life long friend’s fiancée Cruella Deville?"
TrickyComputer8974 writes;
My lifelong friend, Mike, has a 44-year-old special needs son, Lane. His wife, Anna, passed away almost 3 years ago. He recently became engaged to a woman, Misty. My wife promised Anna that she'd help look after Lane when Anna was dying. And my wife has. She takes him to doctor's appointments and keeps him with her on days that his day program is closed.
We've kept him many times for days or up to a week while his dad was out of town for work. He's special needs, but probably about like having a very well-behaved 7-year-old around. He's fine to go to a restaurant or the movies or shopping. He's polite. He's able to bathe and dress himself.
Lane started acting out as soon as Misty was in the picture. He repeatedly told my wife that Misty talked to him 'mean' and told him, "There's nothing wrong with you. You are just a lazy brat and a burden to Mike." My wife believed Lane because he's never made up stories before, and if he had, she was 100% sure he would have said 'dad,' not 'Mike.'
My wife talked to Mike about it, but he didn't believe Misty would do that. Misty denied it and suggested that Lane was lying because he didn't like her taking his mom's place. Eventually, Lane's younger brother secretly recorded Misty and Lane, and the first day, he recorded her saying exactly what Lane said she said.
Mike and Misty came to our house a couple of days after Lane's brother recorded her. Mike asked my wife if she could spend some time with Misty and Lane and help Misty learn how to interact with Lane so she isn't so overwhelmed.
I said, "You gotta be f**ing kidding me. You can't seriously think it's okay to leave Lane with Cruella DeVille after what she's done. It wasn't an accident. She was verbally abusing your son. Anna is probably rolling over in her grave." Mike thinks I'm the AH for calling Misty Cruella DeVille, instead of understanding that she was frustrated and overwhelmed and needs help, not judgment.
Here are the top comments with OP's responses:
Here_IGuess says:
NTA. There's a reason she never speaks that way in front of Mike. She's a manipulative abuser. She'd have been speaking that way in front of him the entire time if she wasn't trying to hide it.
He's deliberately ignoring the obvious, which means he actually doesn't care about his son. He cares more about getting his ego stroked than his kid's mental & emotional health. She's terrible, but your friend isn't the person you think he is either.
Who knows what else this person will try to do when someone isn't around to catch her. The only limits that abusers put on themselves is what they think they can avoid responsibility for doing.
OP responded:
What she did is bad enough but I’m very concerned about what else she might do. Also she was pretty easy to catch this time. I suspect she’ll just be more careful about getting caught in the future.
SuperCulture9114 says:
What's keeping her from hurting Lane? At this point not his father.. Any chance you can take him in, although that's a lot to ask? Yes, I know, that way Cruella wins. But it's a way to keep Lane save.
OP responded:
His brother would take him. My wife and I would be willing to continue helping as we have since his mom was sick.