Woman calls BF 'pathetic loser' for reading her teenage journal and accusing her of not loving him. AITA?

Did I go to far in insulting my boyfriend after he read my journal?

journalthrowawayy writes:

My boyfriend (28m) and I (24f) are visiting my mom, who lives ~4 hours away by car. We didn’t want to make the drive back so soon, so we decided to spend a few nights. We’re sleeping in my bedroom that I lived in before moving out, and it has most of my stuff from when I was a teenager. This includes my journal that I had from 16-20.

My entries in this journal are incredibly personal; they include letters to my deceased father, poetry I’ve written, things that I’ve never told anybody about, etc. It has about 300 pages of journal entries. It is not hidden in my room; it’s a vintage-looking journal, and it’s in a stack of books because the spine has a pretty design on it.

Yesterday my mom, boyfriend and I were hanging out in the living room together, but he got tired and went upstairs to sleep at around 9 pm. I came up at 12ish and found him reading my journal. My heart sunk when I saw him, and I reacted out of anger and upset.

I grabbed it out of his hands to look at what he was reading, and it was an entry that I wrote about an ex-boyfriend that I had from 17-19. I asked him what he was doing reading my journal, and he just asked me if he loves him as much as I loved my ex-boyfriend.

He said the way I wrote about my ex made him sick because he didn’t feel like I loved him that way. He also accused me of still loving him because of how upset I was that he was reading that particular entry.

I love my boyfriend more than anything. He is the most intelligent, loving, wonderful man I could ask for. He tends to get jealous though, and he has accused me in the past of cheating because of something that looked suspicious, but I would never ever do that to him.

It hurt me deeply that he would not only read my journal but would question my love for him. I told him this, and he said it was bulls&^t because he can “feel my love for my ex” through the pages. I explained that I was 19 years old when I wrote that, and he was my first love; of course it’s going to be dramatic and intense. I’d never felt love in a romantic way before my ex, and it was obvious by the way I wrote about him.

I told him that he betrayed my trust by reading my journal. He told me that it’s not a big deal because it was from before we even met, and it was just a “snapshot” of who I was as a teenager. I asked him why it mattered then how I wrote about my ex? And he said that it was different.

I was exhausted and angry at this point because we’d been going back and forth for a long time. I got mad at him and told him that he broke my trust and he’s a “f^$#ing pathetic loser” for being jealous of a 20-year-old guy that I wrote about 5 years ago. I was frustrated that my feelings were being disregarded because of what he found, even though he should have never read it in the first place.

My heart broke right after I said it because he looked really hurt. He got quiet and apologized then and said he shouldn’t have read my journal. He said he only read it because it wasn’t hidden away and was in a fairly open space. He didn’t see anything wrong with it because I wrote it so long ago.

I feel like garbage now. I tend to get really mean when I’m angry, and while I think anger was warranted at what he did, I’m wondering if my insult was too far? I spoke to my brother (he lives with my mom) and my mom about this, and they both had different opinions on it. My boyfriend has been distant toward me, and I feel really bad. AITA?'

Here are the top comments:

AWhiskeyKitten says:

NTA (Not the A^&$ole)- so it’s ok to invade your privacy cause it was from long ago, but not so long ago that he can use it to insult you and make crazy accusations. Sorry, but he is a f%^&ing pathetic loser whether youre angry or not. Not only is he trying to justify doing someone EVERYONE knows is wrong, but trying to make himself some kind of victim too. Ick!

Boeing367-80 says:

The "most intelligent loving wonderful man" turns out to be a jealous creep. OP's self esteem is not all it could be. You're not giving yourself nearly enough credit, OP.

PrideFit2236 says:

"He didn't see anything wrong with it because I wrote it so long ago." There's your immaturity issue with him and childishness. When he does something wrong it doesn't matter because you wrote those journals so long ago. However, you who did nothing wrong are being a bad gf because you don't love him the way you loved your bf from when you were a teenager?

You have to see the hypocrisy in that. His jealousy is a problem. He was looking to be upset about something; it's why he went looking. Getting upset over the writings of a teenage girl in love is so beyond ridiculous. Then to tell you on top of it you aren't being the girlfriend he deserves because of a journal entry written before you had real-life experience is just so beyond silly.

You had every reason to be upset and every reason to call him on his childish behavior. Yes, you should not have called him names, but he was grossly out of line with what he did and to now play the victim is him being a baby. He is acting distant from you to punish you for calling him out on his behavior and is pretending it's because he "can see you love the ex more than him".

Do not engage in any debate about what was written in that journal. You owe him ZERO explanation as to what or why you wrote anything in there. He was out of line to read it plain and simple.

What do you think? Is OP's boyfriend a pathethic loser?