'AITA for bad mouthing the man that stole my wife in front of my kids?'

"AITA for calling my ex-wife's new boyfriend names in front of my kids?"

Throwaway-81749 writes:

Alright, I will (46M) make a long story short. My ex-wife (40F) left me two years ago for our next-door neighbor, after I found out they had been having an affair for about a year. We have two kids together (5F, 8M).

Unfortunately, the judge gave us split custody, though if I had my way, she and her new boyfriend would never come near my kids again after what they did. I wish they did not have to grow up thinking this kind of behavior is acceptable.

Anyway, it has been a long, painful process. I am at my wits' end with this divorce. I am trying to be the mature adult here, but every once in a while I will have a slip-up and call her new boyfriend obscene names when referring to him, sometimes maybe when the kids are within earshot. I know it is not the most mature thing to do, but I cannot see why I need to be respectful toward the man who stole my wife and broke up our family.

The other day, my ex-wife left me a long voicemail telling me how unacceptable it is to call this guy names in front of our kids. My guess is that one of them repeated an insult to her. Our friend wrote to me to back up my wife, claiming that I was being unfair to my kids.

Out of this entire story, how the hell am I the one being the immature and unfair one? I know I am not perfect, but acting like I am the monster in this story seems excessive. AITA?

Here are the top rated comments.

Katerh says:

YTA. And let's be clear, "trying to be the mature adult here" is not calling your ex's partner obscenities in front of your young children. And no one believes it's "a slip up". You WANT your kids to know you hate him, and I suspect you want them to hate him too. "I can't see why I need to be respectful towards the man who stole my wife and broke up our family"

Because doing otherwise is called parental alienation and your ex can take you to court for it. You're making your kids feel like they have to choose between you and their mom. Look I get it, you feel wronged and that this whole situation isn't fair. Too bad. Suck it up for your kids and stop putting them in the middle. Vent to a therapist because behaving like you're entitled to act like a petulant toddler isn't doing you or your kids any good.

WebAcceptable7932 says:

YTA. Not for hating him om your ex. You are an AH for bringing your kids into it. Vent and insult him all you want, but not in front of your young children. They don’t need to be dragged into the adults' problems.

rockology_adam says:

YTA. We can call our exes and the people they fucked around with whatever we want when there are no children around, but you have to button it in front of the kids. It sounds like you have a lot of grief stuck regarding this, OP, and I hope you're talking to someone about it.

But you can't badmouth your ex, or her new man, or anyone else on her side of things, really, in front of the kids because the kids will have to interact with those people and deserve to make their own opinions about them. If that person is dangerous, you deal through the courts. Otherwise, this is just something you have to live with. It sucks.

BurritoBowlw_guac says:

The real victims in all of this is your children and you are making it harder on them. They have to live part time with their mother and her SO and for your childrens' sake try and make it a peaceful existence. I know you are still hurt and angry but YTA.

What do you think?