'AITA for calling my MIL a racoon because she's always digging around in others' business?'
AITA for calling my MIL a raccoon during my daughter’s baptism lunch, causing a major family fallout and refusing to apologize because “at least raccoons take care of their kids”?
Defiant_Word342 writes:
I (31F) have been married to my husband (35M) for 6 years. His mother (let’s call her “Loretta”) and I have never really gotten along. I’ve tried. I really have. But Loretta operates on a level of passive-aggression I’ve only seen in high school movies and reality TV.
To paint the picture: She once said I “lacked the warmth to be a real mother” at my baby shower. She refers to my husband as “her man,” makes jokes about being the “original wife,” and still folds his laundry when she visits.
She once called me by his ex’s name at Thanksgiving. She frequently makes “jokes” about how she hopes our daughter looks more like “their side” of the family to “keep the legacy strong.”
Anyway, at our daughter’s baptism lunch last week, Loretta made a comment that pushed me over the edge. My baby had been crying a lot that morning, and I was exhausted. Loretta leaned across the table, smiled at me sweetly, and said, “Babies can feel when their mother isn’t confident. They absorb your energy, you know.” I saw red. I calmly said something like,
“You know what, Loretta? You remind me of a raccoon. You dig through everyone else’s mess, get defensive when anyone calls it out, and act like you own everything you touch.” Then I added, “At least raccoons raise their own young.” She froze. My husband stared at me like I’d slapped someone. Her husband (my FIL) asked me to apologize immediately, and she left the table in tears.
Since then: Multiple family members have messaged me saying I ruined a special day. My husband says I “went too far” and made things “irredeemably tense.” Loretta hasn’t responded to a single text. My BIL unfollowed me on social media.
Look... I didn’t plan it. I didn’t raise my voice. It just slipped out after years of subtle jabs, constant boundary violations, and being treated like an outsider in my own home. I do feel bad that it happened during a significant family event. I just snapped.
FWIW, I’ve made jokes about this before with friends (okay, maybe there’s a mug somewhere involved, I design sarcastic merch), but I never expected to say something like this to her face. So, AITA for what I said and for refusing to apologize unless she acknowledges some of the things she’s said and done first?
Here are some of the comments from the post.
Distinct-Value1487 says:
NTA. First things first, it was YOUR daughter's baptism. You didn't ruin your husband's family's special day. You enhanced YOUR special day. Secondly, your husband's family can fuck all the way off. If they can handle her constant barbs being thrown at you, then they can handle it when you finally throw one back. Loretta played the game and now, she got the prize she earned.
ChuckieLow says:
You ruined a special day? Be real. They meant you ruined “her” special day. She sits at your child’s christening calling you a bad mother. Tell your husband he needs to make her apologize to keep the peace. Just keep saying that everyone.
BriefHorror says:
NTA how does your husband not give you the ick?
NotThatUsefulAPerson says:
Why is your husband such a spineless piece of s&@t?