"AITA for calling the cops on my stepmom after she stole $10,000 from under my bed?"
"AITA for calling the police on my stepmother"
Fearless_Basket_6816 writes:
I (18F) have been saving money to go to college since I was 13. I’ve done babysitting, worked at a diner, tutored, literally anything I could. I live in a small town, and the nearest bank is pretty far from my home, so I’ve been keeping all my money in cash. I stored it in a lockbox hidden behind my clothes. I had saved around $10,000.
My father got remarried after my mom passed away when I was 10. Ever since I met my stepmother (let’s call her Karen), she has never liked me. She has always told me that I am getting in the way of my dad’s happiness and that she and her daughter are his real family now.
I was accepted into my dream college, which is also where my mom went. I planned to use my savings, along with student loans, to cover housing, food, and other expenses. My dad never saved anything for my education.
The other day, I was planning to go to the bank with my friend to open a debit account. When I went to grab the lockbox, I saw it had been pried open, and all the money was gone. I searched frantically and then confronted my dad, my stepmom, and my stepsister.
That is when I found out my stepmom had taken the money and used it to pay for my stepsister’s community college. Her reasoning was that I had managed to save it once and could just save it again.
I was furious. She has already tried to erase my mother’s memory and push me out of my own home. Now she has stolen the money I worked for and expects me to start over. I called my friend, and she told me to report it to the police.
I did, but they said they could not do anything since I could not prove who took it, even though my stepmom admitted it when I confronted her. After the police left, my stepmom and stepsister blew up at me.
They said I could have gotten them arrested. My dad stood there and did nothing, just like always. Then they told my dad’s family, and now I’m being harassed and made to feel guilty. Honestly, I’m starting to feel bad.
As it stands, I cannot attend my dream college, and I am scrambling to figure out what to do. My dad has always let my stepmom control him, so he is not going to help. My mom was an only child, and both of my grandparents have passed away. I just need to know: am I the a^#%ole?
OP posted a small edit.
The police did not help. My dad is retired and knows many of them personally. I do not speak to my dad's family. I have never been close to them. So neither the police nor his family are options. Honestly, I might have to drop out and work for another year or two. I needed that $10,000 for housing, food, books, and everything else.
There was a similar story to this 5 years ago.
On 6/23/20, my parents stole $10,000 from my savings account. This was the final straw after years of emotional abuse. I lost my brother to suicide when I was 15, and ten days after he died, my parents left me alone for three weeks. I was only 17. That was just one example of many.
Since then, I put myself through school and moved from the Midwest to Seattle. During my first year here, there were times I couldn't even afford to eat. I worked hard and did everything I could to build a better future. I started saving to eventually buy a home.
I now work in software, and with that comes financial stability. Back in college, I had opened a savings account. My mother had access to it at the time because she used to send me money to help with books. That was, of course, when I "behaved" according to her standards.
I haven’t spoken to my mother in two years. My relationship with my father was shaky at best. After years of therapy and emotional damage, I made the difficult decision to cut them both off.
As soon as I told them, they transferred the money out of my account. I feel so stupid. Why didn’t I think to remove her access? Why didn’t I even remember she still had it? But who honestly expects their own parents to steal from them?
I have contacted a lawyer. What they did is a felony. They have openly admitted to taking the money, and even worse, they are proud of it. My mother actually bragged that she would take another $10,000, but I had already moved the rest of my money.
The most infuriating part is that they are not struggling financially. They said the money was repayment for raising me, and that they don’t pay for people who are not their daughter to live.
I do not even know why I am posting this, except that my soul feels like it is bleeding out. I have spent the past two days physically clutching my chest, trying to calm the pain in my heart.
I keep cycling through rage, devastation, heartbreak, and nausea. They did this because they knew it was the one thing that could hurt me and because they wanted to regain control. They truly believe that, because I am their daughter, they can treat me however they want without any consequences. All I ever wanted was to live my life.
UPDATE as of 7/7/20:
First, I have hired an attorney and found a therapist. My lawyer sent them a letter demanding repayment by Friday, July 3rd. My mother called, screamed at her, and told her to f*** off. I then contacted their local police department. Ironically, the deputy who took the call was a childhood friend from my old neighborhood. He had been close with my brother and was deeply saddened by what he heard.
Unfortunately, he informed me that since my mother was still listed on the account, it is legally considered a joint account. Because of this, I cannot press criminal charges. The upside is that my attorney believes we have a strong civil case. To win, we need to prove three things:
That the money was taken (we have the bank records). That it was taken with the intent to steal (we have text messages confirming this). That the transaction was not authorized (I made multiple attempts to recover the money, all documented).
My lawyer is a longtime friend and a fierce advocate. She has witnessed the years of abuse I endured. She believes this is a clear-cut case and that I should be awarded treble damages, which could amount to $30,000, along with any legal fees I’ve paid.
The most painful part of this is that the final reason I cut them off was due to awful posts made by my father on Facebook. My job involves closing racial and gender pay gaps using compensation data for some of the largest global brands. I told my father that his lack of empathy during this moment in history only confirmed what I had tried to show him for years.
I could be lying in the street bleeding and he would step over me, just as he ignores the reality of people being murdered in the streets today. His refusal to care about anything outside his own world was the last straw.
I have chosen to fight for what I am owed in court, but I have also chosen to let go. I will make that money back. It is not about the money anymore. It is about the principle. I will pursue this civil case to the fullest extent, but I will not allow it to consume me.
I have frozen my credit and cut all contact with them. I am treating this as an opportunity to grow. I will heal. I will break the cycle of generational trauma. The hardest and most painful experiences often teach us the most, even if they leave scars. I refuse to let anger and unresolved trauma define me like it has defined them.