'AITA for cancelling a potential friend vacation due to lack of money?'
"AITA for cancelling a potential friend vacation due to lack of money?"
My good friend and I live in different countries in Europe and meeting up always costs a bit of money and logistics. Over the past few years we’ve met up around 6 times. I visited him twice, and he visited me 3 times. On one occasion we travelled to Brazil together.
Last year we spoke about hypothetically doing something for Christmas. In the end I ended up spending Christmas with my boyfriend and we went to Thailand. We took out a credit card to pay for the flight as it had a 0% interest offer. We’re still paying it off but will pay it in full on time. Obviously the hypothetical trip with my friend never materialized.
I agreed with my friend as a result to meet before April, when my boyfriend and I are getting married. However, last week I found out that I need to get my birth certificate legalized ahead of the wedding, and the cost of that and other documents (my fiancé and I are from different countries but live in a third country where we will marry) is around €400.
We also have a bill of around €5000 for the wedding. With these costs, I told my friend I would have to cancel our proposed trip again but that we could hopefully go on holiday in the summer. I simply can’t afford extra outgoings before the wedding.
AITA? I know promising to go on holiday and then cancelling is poor form, but I’ve never been in a good financial position (I had debt of over €1000 after going to Brazil) and I don’t make as much as my friend does.
My friend is very “disappointed” and “exhausted” by my cancelling and postponing our hypothetical holiday, and I feel riddled with guilt but if I can’t afford it then idk what I can do?
Be honest. I feel a lot of guilt and don’t want to treat seeing my friend as a chore but I also feel annoyed that I’m being made to feel bad for not affording flights and hotels to meet up.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Successful-Prize-850 says:
Disappointment is valid, but guilt-tripping someone over money isn’t.
Whyamiwritingthis_74 says:
NTA, but your friend will obviously be frustrated. Did you tell your friend about your financial issues?
jrm1102 says:
NAH - if you cant afford it, then that's that. But your friend is entitled to their feelings about it. Just because you're fine to cancel doesn't mean she’s not allowed to have feelings.
Head_Effect3728 says:
Slight YTA for setting a standard that you were unable to live up to. From your friend's point of view, you've managed several trips with them before, you just flew to Thailand with your boyfriend, and you are planning an expensive wedding. The optics of the situation make it look like your friend is a low priority.