'AITA for canceling my daughter's sweet 16 after she made a joke I didn't like in front of my ex?'
"AITA for canceling my daughter's sweet 16 after she made a “joke” in front of my ex and his new wife?"
FriendlyLara writes:
So I (39F) have a daughter (15F) from a previous marriage. Her dad and I split when she was 5 after he cheated on me with his now wife. Messy, yes, but I have always kept it civil for my daughter’s sake.
I have been the main parent: doctor visits, school stuff, everything. Her dad sees her maybe once a month, and when he does, it is all Disneyland dad vibes. No rules, just vibes and gifts. Anyway, I was planning a huge Sweet 16 for her. Like thousands of dollars, caterer, DJ, venue, the whole thing. She has been hyped for months.
Then last weekend, we were at her dad’s house for some brunch thing his wife threw. I only went because my daughter asked me to. At some point, someone joked about how much she looks like her dad, and she goes:
“Yeah, guess I got lucky. Especially since she is not even my real mom.” And she pointed to me. Everyone laughed. Her dad laughed. His wife laughed. Even her grandparents laughed.
I just sat there like… what? I quietly told her we would talk later, and we did. I asked her what the hell that was about. She said it was just a joke. That it was funny. That I needed to lighten up.
I told her, “Cool. Then I guess you do not need me to throw you a party, since I am not really your mom anyway.” She thought I was bluffing. I was not. I canceled everything. No venue. No dress. No photographer. I told her she can ask her real parents for a party.
Now everyone is saying I went too far. Her dad is calling me bitter. His wife had the nerve to DM me and say I am emotionally punishing my daughter. Even my sister thinks I should have just grounded her or something instead.
But I am sorry, you humiliate me in front of people who disrespected me for years, and then act like I am the one in the wrong? No. AITAH for canceling her party over what she claims was just a “joke”? Or did she finally cross the line?
Here are the top rated comments.
Electronic-Unit6408 says:
NTA. She didn’t “joke,” she performed for people who love watching you be humiliated. That wasn’t a one-liner — that was betrayal. You’ve done the heavy lifting for 15 years, and she handed your dignity to the same people who tore your life apart. Actions have consequences. She can have a Sweet 16 when she figures out who’s actually been mothering her.
OP responded:
Wow. You really put into words what I’ve been struggling to say. It felt like she chose to entertain the very people who caused so much damage to our lives, and she did it at my expense. That moment wasn’t just a joke, it was a choice.
I’ve been the one wiping tears, staying up sick, fighting for her future… and she handed my love over like it meant nothing. I didn’t want to cancel her birthday, I wanted her to see me. Maybe now she finally will.
AssistanceOk3669 says:
I do think you should have a deeper conversation with her about where it's coming from. Like are they constantly making jokes about you when you're not around, or is this a one time occurrence. I think maybe something deeper is going on.
As a parent you have the right to cancel it. You don't reward bad tasteless behavior, definitely not with a party that's thousands of dollars. Since her dad and his wife, hell even your sister have a problem with the cancelled party, send them the information so they can fund it. NTA.
OP responded:
You’re absolutely right. That’s the part that’s been eating at me, I don’t think that comment came out of nowhere. I’ve been wondering if this is what she hears when I’m not around, and if she’s starting to internalize it.
We definitely need a deeper conversation, because I don’t want this to just be about a party, it’s about how she sees me, and how others might be shaping that. And yeah, if everyone’s so upset about the cancellation, they’re more than welcome to pick up the bill. Funny how people love to criticize until it’s their card on the line.