'AITA for not going into debt to be a bridesmaid at my best friend's wedding?'
"AITA for telling my best friend I don’t want to be in her wedding because I can’t afford it?"
autumrenaee says:
My best friend of many years is getting married, and she recently asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was thrilled at first, but after she shared the details, my excitement turned into anxiety.
The dresses she picked out are expensive, the bachelorette party is a destination weekend, and there are other costs like hair, makeup, and gifts. I did the math, and it’s way out of my budget.
I told her that while I’m honored she asked, I can’t afford to be in the wedding. I offered to support her in other ways, like helping with planning or attending her bridal shower, but she was upset.
She said she thought being her bridesmaid was non-negotiable because we’re so close, and she didn’t think it was fair for me to back out over money. She also implied that I could make it work if I “really tried” and suggested I use my savings or pick up extra work to cover the costs.
Now I feel like I’ve let her down and maybe overreacted by saying no so quickly. I know how important this day is to her, but I also can’t justify putting myself into debt or draining my savings for it. She’s been distant since our conversation, and I’m worried I’ve damaged our friendship. AITA?
Here are the top rated comments from readers with OP's responses.
KaliTheBlaze says:
NTA - if you go and something happens, you know your sister won't do anything to remedy the issue and you'll need to take matters into your own hands - which is exactly why you should not go.
OP responded:
Thank you for this perspective. I feel the same getting into debt for someone else’s wedding doesn’t make sense, no matter how close we are. It’s a relief to hear I’m not alone in thinking this way.
WhereWeretheAdults says:
NTA. No, she is the one who just damaged the relationship. Her image of a perfect wedding is more important to her than your friendship. She is more than willing for you to work extra, drain your savings, and go into debt so that she can have her perfect day.
This is what is known as being selfish. Her manipulating you raises that to toxic levels. You made your boundary clear and even offered compromises so you could be part of her day. You did nothing wrong.
OP responded:
I appreciate you pointing this out. I tried to offer compromises, but it does feel like her vision of the day took priority over everything else, including our friendship.