'AITA for being upset my husband couldn't change a diaper? He says I should be grateful he's around.'
"AITA for telling my husband that I can't trust him with my children"
BeholdenToLife writes:
I (32F) was cooking dinner and feeding the baby when my husband (33M) came home with the toddler after picking him up from childcare and noticed he needed a nappy change. He is a decent, modern-day dad who happily changes nappies, so he went to do it as usual.
I was finishing loading the dishwasher while still boiling water on the stove and watching the baby in his high chair when my husband called out because the toddler was crying due to severe nappy rash.
I was hoping he could deal with it, but he seemed to panic and just said he would stop. I went in and saw him closing a fresh nappy without having cleaned the toddler. I took over. Sure enough, the nappy rash was bad—which was all the more reason to clean it properly so the cream could be applied for healing.
Once done, I went back to cooking dinner while my husband sat on the couch with the toddler. I said I wasn’t happy that he didn’t handle the situation because it worries me if I’m ever not here. What if I die? What if I go out for a night? How can I trust him to look after the kids if he can’t even deal with such a basic task?
He then started saying, “Yeah, well, if I were a normal husband, I wouldn’t even be home from work yet, and you would’ve had to do it anyway,” then added something about it being a woman’s job. While I was offended by his comments, I said it was irrelevant because we weren’t talking about gender roles—we were talking about whether he is capable of caring for the children if I’m not around.
He brushed it off completely as not a big deal. I said that I found it horrible that he can’t see this as an issue or admit he was wrong. He then said, “What I find horrible is that not five minutes after coming home, I get yelled at and abused when all I was trying to do was help.”
Is he right? Am I the a%#&ole for thinking he should have been able to handle the situation? Or should I have been more supportive and helped without commenting?
Here are the top rated comments.
superjudy1 says:
Info are these his kids? Why did you refer to them as your kids?
OP responded:
Yes sorry. They are 'our' kids.
eva_dreamer says:
NTA. Dude really said “if I was a normal husband, I wouldn’t even be here” like that was some kind of flex. Sir, what?? You weren’t yelling at him for needing help you were concerned that he straight-up gave up mid-wipe and was about to leave your toddler marinating in their own disaster.
That’s a parenting red flag, not a “husband getting nagged” moment. He doesn’t have to be perfect, but bare minimum, he should be able to handle basic hygiene without tapping out like it’s a UFC match.
rigbysgirl13 says:
NTA. He hasn't been watching "red pill" videos, has he? Because he sounds like an AH.'