'AITA for not letting my ex use our children as emotional support animals for his mistress?'
"AITA for not allowing my ex and former best friend to take my kids out of state for a week to heal?"
Nearby-Savings-5686 writes:
I have two children under 12 with my ex. We divorced five years ago after I found out he and my former best friend were having an affair. They both tried to apologize and asked for it to not ruin everything but their actions had already ruined everything. I hate the two of them. I no longer care about how they're doing.
But for my kids' sake I remain civil. I have never badmouthed them to my kids. I have never told my kids what happened. I would never want my kids to be harmed more by their father's actions than they already were.
And the divorce was tough for them and they had a hard time coming to terms with the changes. They still need therapy for some adjustment issues that have remained. My former best friend hasn't helped it either by trying to continue on as best friends despite her actions.
It also didn't help that the kids went from their parents living together to their dad living with mom's former friend. But again, my primary focus has been my children. I love my kids more than I hate those two repulsive individuals.
I love my kids more than myself which is why I worked so hard to be civil in front of my kids. Because the last thing I wanted was to make nice with them. But my kids love their dad and that has never changed.
My ex and this woman are now married and they tried to have children together. In December she had her 10th miscarriage and had to be rushed to the hospital and into surgery which left her unable to get pregnant again. I got a call from ex telling me all this and asking me to bring the children to the hospital to stay until she was ready to leave.
It was my parenting time so I told him I would not bring them to sit and wait. He was very unsettled and told me to bring the kids by and he'd get them to ask me to let them stay. I told him that wasn't happening. He made no more contact after that and he didn't take the kids for his parenting time either or contact me about it.
His mom reached out and she told me he refused to leave the hospital. He didn't see them until his parenting time came around again and she was released. There was a new tension in the air at that point. He was furious with me for keeping the kids from sitting vigil in the hospital with him.
Now we have another dilemma that's become an issue. My ex booked a healing getaway for them and they want the kids to go along. It happens during my week and it's a school week. He also wants to take his weeks as normal before and after that.
So he would have them for three consecutive weeks. From what he stated he would potentially keep them out of school for that long so the kids can be there to help her recover and grieve knowing she has them, was how he explained it to me.
I said no and I explained that I was not letting him take them out of school for a week just for her. I told him the kids are not their emotional support to get them through this and therapy is significantly better. I told him I didn't approve of them missing extended school time period, and I wasn't giving up my week for it.
He tried to state the week he missed should be made up for, but our court ordered parenting plan states if a parent voluntarily doesn't take their week, without an agreed upon makeup period, then the other doesn't need to give up a week in return.
I pointed this out to him and he asked me how I could be so by the book about this. He said human decency would state I should be willing to put aside our differences at a time like this. And that school isn't more important than family.
He asked me how I would feel if she can't get through this part of life because of this and my refusal was part of the reason why. I told him I wouldn't feel anything. I told him they lost all their rights for me to feel something for them when they betrayed me and I would not be manipulated into agreeing.
He's pushing very hard for this and trying to guilt me into agreeing. I know I might be overly harsh in my response to this so I wanted to ask if people believe I'm wrong or not.
OP responded to some top rated comments:
ForwardPlenty says:
NTA. Your kids are not your cheating ex's wife's emotional support animals. He can go get a dog. Dogs love you even if you are a complete a%#$ole. You don't pull kids out of school just to make yourself feel better. That is completely inappropriate.
OP responded:
I agree and he sounds like he would keep them out for three weeks if not for a little less than that. It's a lot of school to miss. And not a very good reason in my opinion.
transrosebella says:
NTA. Your primary concern is your children's well-being, including their education and stability. I think it's reasonable to prioritize their needs over your ex and his wife's emotional challenges. Your boundaries are clear and you're following what the court ordered.
OP responded:
Thank you. I know right now my ex is more worried about his wife and the emotional side of things. But that's not a burden to be placed on our children and not at the expense of their education. One child already has challenges with school and adding to those is not something I would want to do on top of the other reasons.