'My husband told his family I'm crazy WIBTA if I showed them videos of him cheating?'

"Would it be wrong to tell my in-laws the reason why I don't wear my wedding ring?"

AwwAnl-4355 writes:

Me (47F) and my husband (44M) met in college 25 years ago. He is from a Midwestern Christian family, and I am an artsy, globe-trotting, nose-ring-wearing hippie chick. His family initially thought I was an unusual choice but tolerated me.

However, his mom clearly despised me, even though her son adored me. We got married after three years together, twenty years ago. Despite my efforts, I couldn’t win her over. I even bought her lavish gifts and sent my in-laws on a tropical cruise, but she still didn’t like me.

Three weeks before our wedding in 2003, she called to tell me I’m not family. Over the years, I noticed that my husband always took her side, no matter how badly she treated me. Since his parents live hundreds of miles away (we are in Maryland, they are in Indiana), it's easy to avoid her.

Cut to 2013, and I was finally pregnant with our first and only baby. I was over the moon! However, when I told my husband, he asked, "Are you going to keep it?" Something snapped inside me, and I felt like saying, “Forget that, forget him, this marriage is over.”

Throughout my pregnancy, he made me cry regularly, complaining that I ruined his good time by getting pregnant. Both of my parents had died years ago, so I felt completely alone. He was a terrible pregnancy partner. On the night I went into labor, he went to bed, saying, "Hey, wake me up when it’s time to drive you to the hospital."

I couldn’t handle his behavior on top of not having my mom, and I fell into severe postpartum depression. He ruined the entire experience of motherhood for me, and I stopped seeing him as a good husband. I gave up my job to be a stay-at-home mom, living in my late mother’s home that I bought from my brother.

I decided to be a good sport and drive my husband and our 10-month-old baby to have her first Christmas with his family. On Christmas morning, just as I got the baby’s breakfast ready, his whole family left me in the kitchen to go open gifts. It broke my heart.

When I asked my husband to wait while I fed the baby, he shrugged and said, “What do you expect me to do?” before joining his family. It was the last straw for me. After returning home, his mom wrote me a letter, making fun of me for being upset. I haven’t spoken to her in ten years. My husband takes our daughter to visit them, and I stay home.

Around my daughter’s 2nd birthday, I felt it. My husband was too close with his "work wife." They commuted downtown together, and he wouldn’t come home for hours after work. She was a day-drinking, married mother of two. I knew they were fooling around.

I snooped and found messages and even a half-used box of condoms in his car. One night, I caught him masturbating in the living room while texting her. I confronted him, and a lot of yelling followed. The next night, I let the baby fall asleep in the car seat as I drove downtown.

I parked several cars away to watch his truck. As expected, my husband and his coworker started going at it within minutes. I videotaped them and sent it to her husband. My husband and his affair partner called me a home wrecker for ruining her life. A few days later, I kicked him out because he blamed the affair on me and called me "damaged goods."

I discovered on his phone that he had told his sister to ignore me because I'm "crazy." He has admitted to never telling his family about the affair, claiming it wasn't cheating because he was never phsycially with her.

After two years of separation, he bought his own house, and I moved in. Not because I like him, but because of my daughter and pressure from family to forgive him. His family probably thinks everything is fine. His mom wants to take the whole family (us three, my sister-in-law, her husband, and their three kids) to Disney World.

I agreed because my daughter will love it, but I’m dreading the trip. We will all stay in one house. I haven’t spoken to these people in ten years. His mom apparently wants to be friends with me, but I've decided to be cordial. We’re not friends, though.

My question is this: I took off my wedding ring in 2016 when my husband said he and his affair partner left theirs on while they were with each other. Although we live together (in separate bedrooms), I'm not honoring him by wearing my wedding ring anymore. If his mom or sister ask about the lack of a ring, can I tell them about the affair?

Do I say, "Your precious golden son and his girlfriend left theirs on"? Should I show them the video of him and his affair partner in the parking garage? It would be incredibly satisfying, but it will definitely ruin the trip. I'm tired of covering for him. I don’t care if it embarrasses him, really. AITA if I disclose his affair?

Here are the top comments from the post:

InsidiousColossus says:

Most lilkely, when you tell them this, they are going to say the affair was all caused by you and you pushed him into it. Do you really see a future for this marriage?

marv115 says:

Do you think you are hero for keeping a broken home together? You are showing your child that in her future relationships to suffer in silence, you are showing her that being unhappy and unloved is ok. File. Today.

fcthisfkthatx says:

Are you a masochist? Why are you doing all this to yourself? You don't like your husband or his mom. If you say anything, she'll just say you deserved it anyway, and he's finally seen reason. I'm all for outing his a^# because he's clearly a narcissistic mamma's boy. but are you ready to cry again when she laughs in your face?

Zealousideal_Crab8 says:

…why are you going? ..why are you still there? Obviously separated parents aren’t ideal for kids but christ it’s so common now it’s not like you’d be the first to do it. Child or not I can’t believe you have let yourself live so miserably and continue to do so.

wlfwrtr says:

YTA (You're the A^#@ole) What makes you think growing in a home where two people obviously hate each other, watching her dad cheat and mom sitting back and taking it, learning this is the way relationships are supposed to be so when it happens to her she thinks it's normal, what about this sounds like a good thing for your daughter?

Maybe having a mother who has the strength to stand up for herself and teach her she doesn't have to be a doormat to any man would be better? Too bad your daughter doesn't have a mother who cares enough about her that she'll let her learn these things. Just so you know just because two people live at the same residence doesn't mean the home isn't broken.

What do you think? What should OP do?