'I caught my manager recording a private video of me and my partner onto his own phone. What do I do?' UPDATED 2X

"My [19F] manager [25M] had unlocked my phone and was recording a private video of me and my partner onto his own phone, and I caught him."

I work in a retail store with different departments. This involved the manager of my specific department. Today, he suggested that he, I and the other colleague working our department go and help out on another department, since we were finished for the time being, and the other department was short staffed. This was nothing new, and happens a lot.

We all went down there and worked together for a bit. He disappears; I assume he's just been called elsewhere, and think nothing of it. I had left my phone to charge in the office, which I haven't done before today. I was running very low though and needed it to last. I did hide it, but I understand it was stupid of me to leave it like that.

I finish what I'm doing before I'm due back, but I head back anyway. I go into the office to check my phone and find my manager with my phone in one hand, his phone in the other. I had approached close enough as he noticed me to see that he had his video recorder running on his phone, but he had managed to close my phone. His hands were shaking violently.

For clarification, I didn't know that he knew my password. I asked why he was on my phone and what the hell he was doing. He claimed he was just taking a picture of my Pokemon on Pokemon GO to send to a friend on snapchat. I then asked why would unlock my phone just for that, why didn't he ask, and why were his hands shaking? He says they aren't shaking, but they are, and really v--lently.

I unlocked my phone and he had closed the app so it was on the home screen. So I looked at my open apps list, and there, open, was an extremely private video of me and my partner (I don't wish to elaborate, but I hope you can fill in the gaps :/). He had been recording this private video to his own phone.

I freaked out and ran off to the staff area and to the toilets. By this point I was crying hysterically and a manager of another department had seen me run in there. She came to ask if I was okay, what was wrong, I said at the time I couldn't say. She said that was fine, and to go home if I needed to. She suggested I get a drink and some fresh air.

I went outside, and my manager was out there. He pleads with me to talk to him, that he's really sorry, trying to grab me etc etc. I told him to leave me alone and do not touch/talk to me, and walked outside the car park as far as I could without leaving the site. He thankfully didn't follow me. I called my friend to pick me up, went back inside to collect my stuff and left.

I called my boyfriend as soon as he got off work and he urged me to call the store manager and report him. My friend is saying to do this too. I'm worried about reporting him because I feel like it will destroy my friendships with other colleagues who are also good friends with him, and I don't want to do that, but I also know that I can't go back to work with him anymore.

It feels like a lose-lose for me. I like my job, besides what happened today, and I don't want to lose it, but I feel like if I don't leave and report him, I'll be driven out. I'm sorry this is all so jumbled but my head is a mess. I'm so worried and mortified and upset. He had texted me apologising saying he'd deleted the video he took, but how do I know this? What if he took more than one video?

What if he distributes this? That's not only damaging to me, but my poor partner too. What if I let him get away with it, and he ends up doing it to someone else? I can't trust him. I don't know what to do. I feel so violated. My boyfriend is going as far to suggest police. I don't want to do that. But I have to do something.

Does anybody have any advice on how to go about this? Again, I'm sorry for how jumbled and ridiculous my words may sound but I can't think straight.

Thank you all.

Tl;dr: my manager recorded an extremely private video of myself and my partner from my phone. My partner is pushing to me to report but I'm worried about consequences. Going as far as to suggest police. Desperately seeking advice on what steps to take next.

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Fitzwilliger wrote:

Your partner is right. You should report this, and you should take it to the authorities.

OP responded:

I have read all comments, which lead me to think it best to take it to highest management first, and based on the outcome I will decide whether to take it to the police. I'd like to avoid police if I am able to. But I will if I need to. Thank you very much for your advice.

sugr_magnolia wrote:

Please call the police. He accessed your phone without your consent (how the f did he even get your passcode? I shudder to think) and was not only watching an intimate video of you, but HE WAS RECORDING IT!!!!

Management will investigate, sure. But he will have deleted the videos by the time they do. You need to call the cops NOW NOW NOW NOW because they will confiscate his phone and be able to recover the videos.

Store management =/= law enforcement. They can't take his phone. They can't search his phone. Law enforcement can. This man is a predator, and I'm sure your coworkers will be able to see this once he's locked up.

Kenn_Doll wrote:

SAVE THE TEXT FROM HIM ADMITTING WHAT HE DID

OP responded:

I have taken a screenshot of it.

OP added another comment with more context.

As far as his intentions go, I would've guessed personal use. I probably should've mentioned this but he had already told me before he finds me attractive, but he seems to find everyone attractive. I hear him laughing with other colleagues about people they see who they find "giggidy" (I know).

I always found this quite disgusting and weird especially since he actually has a fiancee, and I have a boyfriend, but I knew it wasn't my place. Another colleague assured me this is just him being him...I thought it better just to let it slide. I thought seeing as he had a fiancee I was pretty safe. I guess not. Should I have seen this sooner? I feel so stupid.

I don't trust him, I don't know what he could do. I'll report to the store manager. Thanks everyone for your advice.

The next day, OP shared a small update.

Edit: Hello everyone, I just woke up and it's the next day. I want to sincerely thank every one of you who commented and gave advice, I am eternally grateful. I have to go to work in about an hour and I am going straight to the store manager and/or HR and reporting this once I get there.

Many of you are suggesting I go straight to the cops as well and I am strongly considering it, as people have said he may still have traces of the video that I definitely want destroyed. I need to speak to my boyfriend first though because I'm scared of dealing with the authorities on my own.

So far I'm definitely going to be seeing a manager though. I will post an upsate at the end of it. Again, my deepest gratitude. I will try to respond to comments when I get some time. You guys are fantastic. Thank you.

A month later, OP shared a big update.

Hello everyone. Sadly the outcome isn't so happy. My conclusion from the original post was to go to highest management first and then the authorities if the result wasn't satisfactory, which is what I did. I went straight to the store manager the morning after my post and was advised to write up and sign a formal grievance, which I did.

I then met with two other managers to discuss the details of what happened and any other relevant stuff. They told me they'd talk to the manager in question and any witnesses and get back to me in a week after investigations had taken place. In the meantime, my manager was not allowed to work with me and was told to reschedule all his shifts or work elsewhere.

A week passed and I heard nothing. When I went to find out, apparently due to staff holidays it couldn't be completed in time. I asked how much longer and was told a week. I felt this was too long and was really restless by this point already and so my boyfriend came with me to speak to the authorities. We explained the situation and my details were taken down and then we met with a sergeant.

To summarize, she told us that in the UK there is no specific law against accessing someone's private phone/recording off someone's private phone without permission. As such, they are unable to search his phone as no arrests can be made.

The only thing they could do was go to his house and explain it had been reported and that if he ever distributed it he would be arrested, which they did, and he LIED TO THE COPS and said he hadn't done anything. Sadly, they said there was nothing more they could do.

The internal investigation then concluded and I was told my manager had denied everything, made up a false excuse for the apology text he sent me and basically called me a liar. They told me that there is no CCTV where it happened and nobody who was in the area at the time saw anything (no duh, they were the complete opposite end of the room, as I had already explained).

They tried to say they weren't taking sides, but to be honest it seemed like they were. They're moving ME from the department instead of him, because moving him is "harder". I really enjoyed my job and now basically I have to suffer because my manager is a disgusting liar. They don't seem to care how serious this is.

I ended up almost crying when they legitimately said "maybe you didn't see anything at all". I feel like they're accusing me of lying and imagining it, even though one of the managers involved was the one that caught me in the corridor bawling my eyes out. I really wish I could've given a happy update.

I'm so upset that I have to move and give up something I enjoy when he gets off without even a slap on the wrist, goes on knowing he can probably do this again to someone else and carry on being the scumbag he is, not to mention, he might still have the videos.

He may have distributed them already but how the hell would I know. I have no idea what to do now. The police say nothing else can be done. If anyone has any legal advice around this issue within the UK law then I would be very very grateful for that.

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Bilk_Ozbi wrote:

Wow, that is such s#$t. Have you thought about going to a lawyer or going to the media? "Maybe you didn't see anything at all" This makes me f--ing sick. Also, an online legal forum still may be able to help.

OP responded:

I'd rather not go to the media due to the sensitive nature of the subject, to be honest. As for a lawyer, I have no experience with lawyers or anything like it so I wouldn't know where to begin, and I don't know if I could afford one. Crossing this over to a legal advice forum sounds like a good idea. Thank you.

FECAL_BURNING wrote:

I don't know how it is in UK law, but because of the differences between the word "sorry" in the commonwealths vs the states, ("Sorry" in the USA is an admission of guilt, whereas "Sorry" in Canada is also more commonly used as a "funeral sorry") it may not be admissible as an apology.

tgrdem wrote:

Yes, but he told her he deleted the video in one of these texts. That's pretty convincing.

OP responded:

He told the managers that the reference in his text to deleting something was about something completely different - iirc, he made out like he was going to send a text to someone regarding my wellbeing or something. He made like I had confided something that I didn't want other people knowing and was mad he was going to tell other people. By the looks of it, they believed him.

Giant_Sucking_Sound wrote:

I know, it sucks because the guy always and in all cases deserves the benefit of the doubt. /s

KA1N3R wrote:

Honestly, People almost always take the side of someone who has a higher-rank and/or they know for a longer amount of time. Sadly, there doesn't seem to be any evidence to help OP.

OP responded:

They actually said they were moving me instead of him because it was harder to move someone of a higher position, he's "needed" and they'd have to reduce his pay, which would be "unfair on him."

[deleted] wrote:

That's such BS, a phone might be a telecommunications device but these days it's also a personal computer and unauthorised access of a computer is a crime under the Computer Misuse Act in the UK. There's bound to be something they can do!

OP responded:

The sergeant did say that she thought it was ridiculous it wasn't specifically outlawed, but of course she has to abide to the book :/ It might be worth mentioning the Misuse Act.