'AITA for circumventing my wife's plans regarding her son's wedding?'
"AITA for circumventing my wife's plans regarding her son's wedding?"
CleanAsk4916 says:
My wife and stepson had a huge fight after he graduated high school, and it never really got resolved. Whenever he visits, the fight inevitably reignites. However, when he decides not to visit, she feels slighted and gets angry. He is getting married, and we are all invited.
My wife's plan is as follows: we get up at the crack of dawn to drive two and a half hours to the wedding, then we go to the reception, then we drive two and a half hours home. We do not attend any pre-wedding events, of which there are several and we are invited to almost all of them.
That does not work for me. I said we will drive down Thursday evening and attend the rehearsal dinner, I will go to the bachelor party on Friday, we will enjoy a peaceful Saturday, we will get up at a reasonable hour on Sunday and go to the wedding, then the reception, then we will sleep in Monday and drive home.
I know why my wife does not want to do the long weekend. She wants to punish her son. I refuse to be inconvenienced just to support her desire to punish him. I want to enjoy the wedding, not hear about how poorly we handled it at every family reunion for the next several years. She says he is her son, and it is her decision.
I told her to do what she wants. I am taking the kids on Thursday. She can come with us or not. I am not playing this game. I am not embarrassing myself in front of the extended family just to present a united front. I am typing this from the guest bedroom, because that is where I am sleeping tonight.
My friends, who I thought would be on my side, said I am being an idiot. He is her son, so I should support her and do what she wants. I understand he is not my child, but that is not going to be a very good defense in ten years when all the kids are reminiscing about what a jerk I was when their brother got married because I had not slept the night before. Am I being a bad husband or a good dad?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
The_Warrior_Witch says:
NTA and a good dad. Your wife however is bloody awful. Leave her at home. She can show up or not. And make that guest bedroom comfortable and fully your space. Until she grows up, she doesn't deserve your company.
boundaries4546 says:
Your wife needs therapy, however it also sounds that your wife may not be able to admit that she is wrong. Your wife needs to figure out what’s more important, being right or having a relationship with her son.
OP responded:
Being right.
Lanky_Swimmer4560 says:
Your wife expecting everyone to suffer through FIVE HOURS of driving in one day is something in its own. You are not the AH for making sure that you, who was also invited to the wedding, enjoy it with your kids.