'AITA for ruining my SIL's birthday for crying because my job made me late to dinner?'

"AITA for ruining my SIL's birthday by crying?"

Expensive_Log_6636 writes:

I (43M) am an Advanced Paramedic in Critical Care. This means I’m trained to treat very serious injury and illness, and also work in my service’s Emergency Operations Centre to monitor emergency calls and dispatch other AP-CCs. Because it’s a high-stress job and my shifts can easily overrun, I usually only commit to social events on my days off.

Recently, my SIL (40F) booked a meal at a nice restaurant to celebrate her birthday. I initially told my partner (44M) I couldn’t go as I had a 6 a.m. to 4 p.m. shift that day. However, he really wanted me to go, so I got my shift changed from Ambulance Crew to EOC, thinking it would decrease the chance of being too late or too drained to go.

The shift was awful. My country’s healthcare system is extremely overburdened and I had to make a lot of difficult decisions prioritizing calls. Near the end of my shift, I had to input on a complex, distressing call which took almost two hours. I left work 90 minutes late and got to the restaurant about 20 minutes late, in uniform and very tired.

When I arrived, SIL sarcastically said it was nice of me to finally show up and to make such an effort with my clothes. I apologized, saying I had a call that overran. My partner asked about the call, and I said I didn’t want to discuss it as it was upsetting and probably inappropriate for SIL’s daughter (8F) to hear.

BIL (38M) said it was just a call and I wasn’t actually there, so if I’m going to use it as an excuse to disrespect his wife, I should tell them what happened. I said it wasn’t an excuse, I couldn’t just hang up emergency calls when I felt like it, and SIL said I shouldn’t have taken the call when I knew I had to leave.

I said I was the only AP on duty so what was I supposed to do, make a junior dispatcher do my job for me? SIL said not everything was about me or how important and special my job is, especially not her birthday.

I was honestly so overwhelmed I started crying, although I know it was probably an overreaction. I was also really embarrassed as I don’t cry in front of others, so I went to the toilet to calm down. My partner came to check on me and I said I just wanted to go home. He said it was fine, he would explain to SIL and BIL, so I left.

When he got home later, he said SIL and BIL were furious that I’d ruined the meal by making it about me, as they felt I should have made sure I was on time and out of uniform, or at least been more understanding about why SIL was upset.

I said SIL made it about me by being rude over a 20-minute delay when I was clearly exhausted, and he said I couldn’t expect others to manage my stress for me when I chose a high-stress job. I said I was managing my stress when I said I couldn’t go, and he said he also has a stressful job and still doesn’t use it as an excuse to flake on his family.

He wants me to apologize to SIL, and I’m still hurt over the situation. However, I feel really bad for ruining the meal, and I’m worried I did overreact and make everybody cater to my emotions. AITA?

Here are the top rated comments.

Unusual-Suspect73 says:

NTA. This sounds like they don’t like you at all. There was no need for them to treat you that way and your partner shouldn’t have allowed it. You did your best to be there by changing your shift and coming in your uniform but they didn’t appreciate your effort. They chose to badger you to tears! You don’t owe anyone an apology. They owe you one.

Emissary_007 says:

NTA. Have they always been this awful to you? Holy f^#k. I would not be apologizing. Instead I’d be serving divorce papers to your partners for his inability to stand up for you. You deserve better than this.

Such_Guide2828 says:

NTA. You were set up for failure here, and honestly, I doubt there was anything you could have done that would have been right by them. I wouldn’t apologize. I would call a divorce lawyer. His family is awful and he prioritizes them over you.

Victor-Grimm says:

NTA-Tell this man to stick it and that you all have zero compassion. I would have told the story and even embellished it so they got the point. Also next time he asks and you say no then it is a complete sentence.

What do you think?