'AITA for cutting ties with my sister because she refuses to discipline her awful daughter?'
"AITAH for shutting my sister out of my family’s lives and declining her wedding invitation?"
fokaifemme writes:
Five years ago, my niece Nicky and her friends ridiculed and harassed my son Marc. They speculated about his sexuality, called him slurs, and even used the N-word with a hard R—all for their entertainment. When Marc came home, he was crying, shaking, and yelling as he tried to tell me what happened. It was heartbreaking.
I immediately approached my sister to address the issue. I explained Marc’s side of the story and the state he was in, but she dismissed it, claiming her daughter and her friends would "never act that way." She didn’t even offer to talk to Nicky.
This wasn’t an isolated incident. A few months earlier, Nicky kicked Marc in the genitals in front of her friends as a "joke." When I demanded an explanation and an apology, Nicky refused, started crying, and claimed it was "unfair" to hold her accountable—even as Marc was still in pain.
Nicky also has a history of mean-spirited behavior, such as calling my younger son Cory (then 6 years old) “The Annoying Child” instead of his name. Cory has asked me why she does this and shared how much it upsets him.
In the case of Marc, my sister doubled down, claiming that one of Nicky’s friends (the one who used the N-word) couldn’t possibly be racist because she’s Mexican. Her exact words were, “I don’t know what you want me to do about this.” That was the final straw for me. I told her that if she wasn’t willing to address the issue, it was in my family’s best interest to distance ourselves.
Three days later, she called me, said she spoke to Nicky, and told me, “We’re good on my end.” No details, no resolution, just that. When I followed up via email asking what was discussed and what actions would be taken, she never responded.
To this day, no apology has been offered—not from my sister, Nicky, or the other kids involved. I informed my extended family about the situation and my decision to keep my kids away from my sister’s family.
While some were supportive, others, including my mother, have tried to undermine this boundary. One time, my mom secretly took my kids to spend time with my sister’s family without my permission. I only found out because my younger son mentioned it. I was furious and drove an hour to pick them up immediately.
Fast forward to today: I’ve received criticism for maintaining this boundary. My sister is now getting married and invited us to the wedding, but I declined. My mother even asked if she could take my kids to the wedding, and I flatly said no.
There has been no effort from my sister to apologize or reconcile. The only time she reached out after the incident was to add me to a group chat asking if we could take her to a birthday party in Chicago—no mention of the harm she caused. I’m standing firm in my decision to protect my kids, but I’ve been labeled as overly harsh and unforgiving. AITA?
Here are the top rated comments.
Kautami says:
NTA - if you go and something happens, you know your sister won't do anything to remedy the issue and you'll need to take matters into your own hands - which is exactly why you should not go.
HauntingReaction6124 says:
NTA your mother is the worst grandmother around. What kind of grandparent takes a child back to their abuser?
xFaithfvl says:
NTA. Your sister blatantly refused to address the issue when her kids are her responsibility. Sure, its not her responsibility for how their friends act towards him, but she should have at least spoken to their parents about it. All it shows is how immature she is at handling such things.
Dealing with behaviour in children these days is so much harder, I will admit, but that doesn't mean its ok to just ignore it entirely. Good for you for sticking up for your children.
pralinen91 says:
NTA. Your sister is a terrible "parent" and doesn't take accountability for what her child does or even believe it, she's blind. Your boundary is 100% correct and you should keep it up and also go LC or NC with your mom since she also downplays this situation = she isn't safe near your kids. It might be hard but it is the best choice for your kids and your family.