'AITA for how I declined my cousin's wedding invitation even though we aren't close?'
"AITA for how I declined my cousin's wedding invite?"
CommercialLake4243 writes:
I (27F) am a PhD student who works two assistantships plus a part-time job, for a total of 45 hours a week. I grew up on the east coast and have a cousin (27F) who grew up on the west coast. We didn’t get to see each other much growing up due to the distance, but the few times we did visit her and her family, she was always busy with swim meets and friend parties.
While my family and I would go do fun things in the city, she would always take off for those instead of joining us, which really disappointed me as a child because I wanted to spend the little time we had together.
A few years ago, my cousin moved across the country for nursing school in the same state where my dad and stepmom live. It is only an eight-hour drive from me, but still a few states away. My stepmom has a habit of picking on me and comparing me to this cousin (my therapist says my stepmom is a narcissist).
The one time we were all together for a family holiday, my stepmom ridiculed me in front of everyone, and my cousin defended her instead of standing up for me. That was the big indicator that my cousin and I do not really have a close relationship, even though she always acts excited when we first see each other.
Four months ago, my cousin unexpectedly asked me for my email. I gave it to her, and then I received an invitation to her wedding, which will be held near where my dad and stepmom live. I didn’t even know she was engaged. She never texts me or tries to initiate any communication, until now, of course. I initially didn’t respond to the RSVP, but last week my cousin followed up to ask if I would be coming. Here is how I replied:
Hi Cousin, "I hope your day is all you want it to be. My plate is already full between work, dissertating, and mentoring/teaching involvement within my field. I will not be able to attend. "Best wishes, OP
My dad texted me yesterday in shock that I will not be coming, even though everyone else is going. He also told me that next time I should be more polite when declining an invitation. I asked what he meant, and he said my cousin was hurt and put off by how I responded, especially since she had to reach out a second time. I do not feel I did anything wrong, but does my response really make me an AH?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Dodie4153 says:
Email wedding invitation? Hmmm.
Benocrates says:
YTA for the term dissertating. Really amps up the condescension. Don't be that PhD student.
wowgamertbc says:
NTA! Your cousin is just causing drama. Your response was perfectly cordial and to the point. She obviously didn't like getting a no from you. But that is her problem not yours. I don't know what she's expecting as you two haven't even spoken in a long time, you didn't know she was engaged, you don't know her partner.
GhostParty21 says:
YTA. You could’ve and should’ve replied “No, I will not be attending” to the RSVP in the first place. But when she reached out a second time you could’ve and should’ve been more tactful. You essentially replied with “I’m too busy with more important things” which was unnecessary and rude.