'AITA for defending my mom's decision to tell me my dad cheated on her?'
"AITA for defending my mom's decision to tell me my dad cheated on her?"
My parents divorced 4 years ago when I (17m) was 13. For me it came out of nowhere. I thought my parents were happy and that we'd always be a family. They didn't argue the way some couples who get divorced do. The day before my parents told me they were joking with each other and kissing and then the next day bam, it was over and my dad was moving out and moving to another city.
For over a year and a half, so throughout the legal divorce, my mom only told me they had some issues that couldn't be worked out. But I blamed myself. I had come out when I was 12 and I thought my dad had decided he didn't want a gay son and decided to walk away.
This worry only grew when I didn't see him at all for that year and a half and he only called twice and sounded weird. Mom took me to a therapist and after a lot of talks between her and the therapist mom told me the truth.
Dad had been cheating on her for their whole relationship or close to it. She found out because she tested positive for something she shouldn't have and when she confronted dad he admitted it, although not directly but more like he made a comment about the person he assumed gave it to him and was mentioning others it couldn't be.
He also cheated a lot throughout their relationship and the reason he did it was because he would travel at least once a month for a few days and he did one or two guys nights a week with his friends, but they turned out to be covers for meeting women. Some of this I found out more recently but I knew about the cheating from the therapy session.
When I told dad I knew he told me he hoped I wouldn't hold it against him because he was a man and had needs and he was dealing with some lying women who made him and mom catch something. I told him I did hold it against him and if he wanted to sleep around why didn't he leave.
My dad's parents have been pissed ever since that mom told me. They accuse her of poisoning my relationship with my dad, because ever since I told him I knew he has been making way more of an effort with me and I reject it. I defend my mom and I told them it was either I know the truth or I blame myself. And I told them they should blame their son for being so gross and hurting my mom like he did.
My grandparents told me I shouldn't defend my mom because she put me in an unfair position and just wanted to win against dad. I told them not to contact me or mom if they were going to treat her like shit and excuse dad like they keep doing. Oh and since all this happened? We found out dad fathered at least 5 kids with others during his marriage to mom. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Vivians_Basement says:
NTA it's good mom snitched. It put your MOTHER in an impossible position for him to cheat and spread diseases to her. It put your MOTHER in an impossible position for him to leave without telling you himself. It put YOU in an impossible position for him to leave you with the choice of a side. Your mother made your choice clear and you made the obvious choice. Dad made it even clearer by acting like this is normal.
kayla_lynn1987 says:
Your mom was the responsible parent in this, not your dad. She had you go to therapy and talked to your therapist before telling you this information. She gave you more courtesy than your dad did. He showed you what a pig he is. You picked the right parent to defend. Honestly thank your mom for thinking of your mental health, your dad sure didn't.
chunkymajor says:
NTA. Your dad is one nasty piece of work. I hope you go NC once you get older. What a sociopath.
OP responded:
That's what I'm planning on doing because there's no way I could ever respect him after all that.